What form of METS disease will Michael Cuddyer get?

We all know it’s coming. He won’t be the first and he won’t be the last person to come down with a case of the METS.

Here are the Vegas odds as to what type he will get:

1:1 – nagging injury or season ending injury late in season, around 50 games missed

2:1 – season ending injury early in season, over 100 games missed

5:1 – inexplicable* decline in performance, no other symptoms

8:1 – smashes into another player or wall. Remains in lineup despite injury and severe loss in production

10:1 – PED suspension

25:1 – Makes an ugly error costing the Mets a game, and costing Cuddyer his confidence for the rest of the season

500:1 – Hay fever

Place your bets!

*When this one happens, people will try to explain it by saying his Colorado numbers were inflated. While this could potentially explain a decline of about 5 dingers, we’ll see what the apologists say when he’s gone from 20 to 0.

The Mets have the 2nd best pitching prospect in baseball…guess who has the best

Mets RHP prospect Noah Syndergaard has been ranked the second-best pitching prospect in baseball (MLB.com, Jan. 20). Nationals LHP Lucas Giolito is the only pitcher ranked ahead of Syndergaard.

Keep talking, Wilpons! Keep letting us know how great our starting rotation is! And keep telling us about our great prospects!

To put what is “on paper” in numbers would like a little like this:

Nationals:

Pitching- 10

Prospects- 10

Hitting- 8

Mets:

Pitching- 9

Prospects- 9

Hitting- negative a million blowzillion

Quack Doc Analysis: David Wright’s Shoulder

David Wright’s shoulder has suffered extensive damage to the burden that the Wilpons placed on it.

“Yeah, ever since they let Reyes go, all the weight’s really been on me.” -David. He went on, “I haven’t seen a pitch to hit in years. I’ve seen one at my head…then I forgot where I was for a while.” Mets manager Jerry Manuel didn’t call for retaliation. None of the players did, either. Cain and the Giants since have won 3 chips in 5 years.

Although Collins is in the hot seat, many believe this is the first time there’s been any talent whatsoever. One would like to believe that if a Mets player gets beaned, fiery guys like Harvey and Collins himself will play real baseball. No more having David shoulder all the weight.

Tejada avoids arbitration. Wanna know why?

I know why, too. I really do. With Murph, Herrera, Tulo talk, and of course Flores “all up in tha middle,” why would the Mets keep Tejada?

This is why: Tejada’s walk-up music

*mic drop*

Shit gets all 300 fans in the stands JACKED UP!! I love it. It even sounds like the singer is saying “rubey ru tejada da.”

I noticed this song wasn’t featured on some lame blog’s “top 10 MLB player walk-up music” list, but that’s probably because they don’t think Tejada is a real MLB player. Shows what they know. He’ll probably be starting in May.

Jew Alert! Jew Alert! Mets players paying out of pocket for offseason workouts?!

Adam Rubin (ESPN New York) and Mets’ strength coach Mike Barwis have apparently confirmed this.

When I read this, I honestly thought I was reading one of my own satire pieces here at Metsblow. I can’t believe it. Is this real? Where am I?

This really is the beauty of Metsblow. The articles write themselves. Thanks Jeffy! Keep doing you, you fucking Jew snake bastard.

Baseballblow: Minor Leagues to use pitch clocks

This rule is preposterous for anyone other than Steve “The Human Rain Delay” Trachsel. It’s in the minors now, but it’ll be in the majors soon enough.

I’m disgusted. It is unreal propaganda. Absolute unequivocal billionare owner nonsense. They’re at the helm deflecting attention away from the hours and hours of commercials…we’ll be right back.

*SOMEBODY LEFT THE GATE OOOOOPPPEEENNN!!!*

…hours and hours of commercials and having their lackeys support the deferral. Anyone who complains about pitchers getting focused or batters stepping out of the box…we’ll be right back.

*Celino and Barnes! Industry Attorneys!*

…stepping out of the box needs is either some billionaire’s puppy dog or just needs to open their eyes and look beyond the media propaganda. Also, when batters start getting strikes tacked on or runners start getting to advance due to batter or pitcher delays, they’re gonna flip out! And the manager is gonna flip out! And as the manager comes out to argue the bullshit call, guess what!? We’ll be right back!

*Dial 7 dial 7 dial it 7 times! We’re pickin you up!*

*I have a hole in my throat from smoking. I can’t even play catch with my son. [Cue the horribly graphic imagery].*

P.S. Dana from the car dealership could get it. But why the fuck are you wearing a Yankee hat on SNY? Bad marketing. Bad advertising. It doesn’t matter because I’ll be looking at the back of the cap anyway.