New Pitcher Blevins Likes Being on the Mets and I’ll Tell You Why

“I see a huge opportunity with this organization,” said newly acquired LH reliever Jerry Blevins. “We have a chance to shock some people in the NL East.”

Blevins went on to say, “You see, the Nationals are really good. I used to pitch for them. I’m very bad, so I’m very happy to be on the Mets! They didn’t even have any lefty relievers, so I made the team by default! It’s so awesome! They sent down my only potential competition, some guy named Dario something. I’m pretty sure that’s the guy who’s banging Daenerys on Game of Thrones. Anyway, Let’s Go Mets!”

Mets Are Wheeling And Dealing! Two Trades in One Day!

Moves on moves. The Mets are makin’ moooooves!

The Mets have traded OF Matt den Dekker to the Washington Nationals for left-handed reliever Jerry Blevins, the team announced.

Blevins has posted a 9.00 ERA in eight games this spring for the Nationals.

Oh wow this guy looks like dogshit.

Good luck to den Dekker. Our lowercase d squad lost their weakest link today. deGrom and d’Arnaud have looked good so far this Spring!

Hopefully Kirk handles himself as our fifth outfielder. This is his last chance.

The Mets Have a Gaping Hole Up The Middle

No, not that hole. Although knowing the Wilpons, those are probably pretty gaping as well.

Obvious butt jokes aside, we’ve been talking about the lack of lineup depth ad nauseam. Well, look at us now! Thanks to Murph’s injury, we’re totally fucked once again.

Yesterday, I was watching a “Mets Classic” broadcast from 2010. Tejada was our starting shortstop that day. That means we’re coming up on six years of watching Ruben Tejada make routine starts. Tejada has been our best middle infield option. This should silence any talk about the Mets not playing well, or about Terry Collins not managing well. Tejada six years strong as a starter says it all about our front office and where the blame should reside.

So why not bring up Matt Reynolds? They say they don’t want to bring him up for only a cup of coffee. You know, because Murphy’s only day to day! He’ll be back tomorrow! So what about Money Muno? He’s had a strong Spring.

All I know is that we are officially one week away from being back! And that’s extraordinarily exciting, as it always is. It is glorious. But we have been dealing with the same problem for the better part of a decade now. That’s on the front office. That’s on ownership. Never let the sponsored media spin it any other way. Garbage dogshit ownership. Metsblow.

Mets Trade for LHP Alex Torres

The Mets have traded RHP prospect Cory Mazzoni and a PTBNL to the Padres for left-handed reliever Alex Torres, the team announced Monday.

Torres had a 3.33 ERA and 1.46 WHIP last season in 54 innings, during which right-handed batters hit .209 with a .275 on-base percentage and lefties hit .256 with a .415 OBP against him.

Hey Bighat! We got Bighat! Click here for a picture of Bighat.

John Olerud 2.0 and I love it. Hopefully Alex Torres is better than Andres Torres, who Sandy traded Angel Pagan for. Nice move, Sandy! Baseball maverick.

Obviously Bighat makes no money and was late to camp due to visa issues. Awesome. Speaking of visa issues, with the embargo on Cuba coming to an end, I wonder what the Mets’ excuse will be going forward on that front. Bighat is Venezuelan, just like Johan Santana. I’m not saying there’s any correlation there, but god damn do I fucking love Nohan. Any connection to him is good in my book.

So pens are usually a crapshoot. Ours is no different. Is Black healthy? Is Parnell? Are Mejia and Familia going to get it together? Losing Edgin was huge. I’m glad the Mets made this play. This is objectively a good move (unless the PTBNL turns out to be someone like Matz, which it assuredly won’t be), and unfortunately the crapshoot just has to play out from here. The numbers show that Bighat is actually better against righties, and that’s something to watch out for. But we got a Major League lefty in the pen, and that’s a good move.

P.S. Damn John Olerud was good. Remember when our team could hit?

Mets Still Open to Payroll Dump

ESPN reports: Mets Still Open to Trading Dillon Gee

Metsblow lexiconic cybermorphic Jew doublespeak translator reads: Mets Still Open to Payroll Dump.

Even with Wheeler injured, the Mets are still not set with Gee? They’re not set with a guy who pitched Opening Day for them last year? I know normally Opening Day doesn’t matter, but the way the Mets postulate about it, you’d think it’d hold weight.

Gee is good! He’s a great #5! But why have Gee when you can have someone on a minor league contract!

Mets fans, I implore you, get all the joy you can out of watching Harvey and the boys, because there’s no fucking chance this dogshit cheap Jew ownership regime keeps these pitchers around for long.

Fred Wilpon: Owner, Orator, Life Coach

Fred Wilpon addressed the Mets in a closed-door meeting this morning in the team’s clubhouse at Tradition Field, according to multiple reports.

An anonymous player said, “It was the best meeting I’ve ever been a part of.”

Well, the guy asked to be anonymous, so let’s just say his name was Jeff W. No, that’s too obvious. How about J. Wilpon?

Good fucking God, Fred. How much did you pay the media to publish this shit? Oh thank god you talked to the players! We know it’s tough for you to step down from On High and waste precious minutes in the dull, murky underbelly of society (re: a nice ass clubhouse filled with millionaires but not billionaires), and we’re so thankful for your speech!

If I was a player, here’s a speech I’d love from my owner: “Win the World Series and I’ll personally give each of you three million dollars in cash.” Then, I’d get that speech in writing–signed and notarized.

P.S. If the Mets win and do well this year, how often do you think we’re going to hear about this preseason speech? Every week? Every day?

Pecan Sandy vs. The Tan Dandy

Alderson hates Collins. The Wilpons hate Collins. The media is all over it. Collins is a “bad manager,” so they don’t like him.

Collins, looking quite leathery with his deep, Florida tan, said he has not thought about retiring after this year. The club has a 2016 option on him.

Is Collins a bad manager? Alderson seems to think so. And remember, Alderson is a baseball maverick. 

Collins’ biggest mistakes were probably continuing to play players like Jason Bay and Ruben Tejada rather than suiting up himself and having former hitting coach Lamar Johnson hit.

2014 is–on paper–different. This is the first time the lineup isn’t total dogshit. If the team stays healthy (Murphy is already out), this is the first time Collins can be judged. Every other year is completely unfair. He didn’t have men. He had a minor league squad. Winning was impossible. It is completely unfair to judge Collins up to this point.