Cespedes Injured 1 Day After Being Activated and I’m Dead From the Lolz

achilles.jpg
[Footage of Yo’s foot]
I’m ded. Legit ded from the lolz. Is this the most Metsian thing of all time? Ray Ramirez’s ghost also re-deaded from the lolz? Truly hilarious.

Cespedes came back from the DL yesterday, hit a (Yankee Stadium baby bitch) dinger, said, “my heels kinda hurt,” and OOPS he’s out for 10 months. Surgery time! No joke, Callaway said, “I didn’t know he said that” when asked about it. Real quote. The awareness!

Perhaps even funnier: he might not get the surgery right away. The Mets might opt to have him play. UNFUCKINGREAL. Because we’re so competitive this year? I dunno what the fuck will happen from here but let me take some wild guesses: 1) the Mets will fuck this up worse and Cespedes will never be healthy as a Met ever again, and 2) the Mets will lose a shitload of games. Whoa, call me Nostradamus.

P.S. I can hit a home run in Yankee baby bitch stadium. Lock. It’s the dumbest stadium ever. Wes Mantooth is assuredly pissed and wants the Yankees to stop hiding behind those phony numbers. Remember when Grandy hit like 50 dingers there? Yeesh. Judge and Stanton not having 80 each is sad for them.

The Mets Haven’t Lost in 4 Days

The answer my friend, is blowin in the wind

Welcome to the 2nd half of what many are calling the greatest Mets season since 1962. Will we lose 100 games? Could we be more lovable? I say yes to the first, no to the second. I love this team. Absolutely fucking love it. From where there was once pain, now there is only emptiness. And that emptiness is mystical. Do you know how much it would suck if I cared? What’s that stage of torture called when you stop feeling it? Did I make that up? After all your appendages are cut off, there’s nothing left to cut. Feels great!

So are the Mets gonna trade deGrom? Well, why do what the Cubs and Astros did? It’s not like blowing up the team and rebuilding worked for them. I mean, they barely each won a world series. BARELY. Took both of em 7 games. Pathetic.

So the Jewpons can’t see into the future but can they see the present? Their argument of, “we can’t trade deGrom because he’s the only player that puts asses in the seats and we’re still crippled from Madoff and we need to make money this season” is inaccurate, right? I wouldn’t know, but are people really going to games? People go to deGrom games? I feel like real deGrom fans should want him traded. I sure do. He deserves so much better. I love deGrom. He’s got the stuff and he’s a fuckin role model. Genuine. Wonderful. Way too fucking good for this team.¬†Hopefully he doesn’t go to the Yankees but they’ve got plenty of farm talent. deGrom for Gaybar and some prospects. Gotta do it, right? I hear he might go to the Cubs. WHATEVER. It doesn’t matter. Even if he is Sandy Koufax good (he is), he’s still completely apexing RIGHT NOW. His value will never be higher and our need will never be bigger. Scratch that, we’ll always need something because we’ll always blow.

Scratch this whole article. Even if we get Gaybar or ANYONE, it doesn’t matter. We’ll screw it up. Any great farm talent will be taken out back and shot in due time. Nothing will change until the Jewpons’ horns are shaved and their throats cut. Not caring is great. Why is anyone going to the games? The best way to stick it to the owners is to boycott.

P.S. I hear Yo is back. TIME TO TURN THIS TEAM AROUND!! We’re only about 70 games out with 70 games left!

P.P.S. How the fuck has Familia not been traded yet?

P.P.P.S. The Mets play the Yankees this weekend. Welcome to our World Series 2018. Thor & deGrom pitch this series. Let’s see how we blow it for em.

P.P.P.P.S. How many Jewpons does it take to trade deGrom and give the Mets a fighting chance in 2020? The answer is 2. 2 to die in the Holocaust and then give sole ownership rights to me so I can make the damn trade.