Mets Score 12 (Re: A Billion) Runs in an Inning

Céspedes after his grand slam. He had six RBI in the inning and the Mets brought 15 men to the plate, scoring 12 runs.

Just remember, it’s only 1 game. It’s gotta feel great, though, to treat Peavy and the SF pen like a slow pitch softball team.

With Cespedes back in the lineup, Conforto doesn’t constantly get stranded at 2nd base! 

Matz is bringing that ERA down!

Will we be fatigued today? Did we reach our run quota? This is a team that’s having fun right now and hopefully that means they keep rolling. 

And Now For a Real Test

Conforto the young BULL

So the Mets “did their job” and swept the doodoo Reds. Conforto is a beast (thank god they didn’t let the kid see Vegas), Harvey settled in, Walker trotted around the bases with his 1-year contract in hand, and the backups (Juanny Beisbol, De Aza, Plawecki…) showed us the meaning of depth. 

Not sooooo faaaaast. The Mets looked like SHIT. We botched a pickle for fucks sake! We’re not smooth. Now the real test comes with SF in this weekend. We won’t be able to beat them playing the way we’ve been playing.

Take a look at these pitching matchups!

Fri: Matz/Peavy

Sat: deGrom/Cain 

Sun: Thor/Madbum

Daaaaaamn. Exciting stuff.

On Plawecki: Last year, every time d’Arnaud got hurt, TC said that his job was safe. Not this time! TC referred to Wally Pipp and he, like everyone else, knows that TDA is dead and now it’s Plawecki’s job to keep, so long as he hits. 

The Reds Are Looking to Next Season; d’Arnaud d’Ead


The Mets win. Theeeeee Mets win. Wow Michael Kay is a fucking dipshit. He’s also inappropriate with women, by the way.

So Cespedes is the greatest. That ain’t news. First pitch pinch-hit dinger. He is the savior. That’s really all there is to it. He said (through a translator), “I can’t run. I’m hobbled. I’ll just hit a home run so I can walk around the bases.” Well played. In truth, he looked quick out of the box on that laser beam dinger that just cleared the line. And he was screaming his head off when Wright knocked in the go-ahead run. Life in the dugout. We’re wide awake. It’s great.

But the real story here is that the Reds are looking to next season. This guy Finnegan is nice. He’ll win the Reds a lot of games down the road. They left him in to face righty Yo 100% no question because they have conceded. “Our bullpen is horrendous and this guy Finnegan is our future so let’s just see how he does in pressure situations against power hitters.” I respect it. I just think it’s kinda funny and what it really means is that we have to beat the shit out of these teams. Also, be careful: Teams that have conceded the season have players with nothing to lose. HarveyDay for the sweep.

Lost in the shuffle is Tolo yet again battling and performing at a high level. Reed and Familia have looked great. Familia got Billy Hamilton and then the next two so Votto didn’t even bat. He’s returning to form. His sinker-cutter dealie makes me glad to be in a cookie lob co-ed softball league.

Extra blow: d’Arnaud is indeed d’Ead. I think his career is d’One. I hate it. I really do. I’m rooting hard for the kid but he is GLAAAAASSSSSS. Maybe trade him to go play 1B or DH somewhere? His bat would come around and be great if he could stay on the field but he can’t. Light your candles.

We Brought It Home!

We’ll name him ‘Dinger’

Well, at least for one day, we brought the power back home to Shitti. Walker is just one home run away from tying the franchise record for April (9) with Mets studs Carlos Delgado and uhh…John Buck. So yeah that record means absolutely nothing. I think it’s shared with Dave Kingman, too. Have a good contract year, Neil 🙂 

Too bad TC pulled Thor early and he didn’t get the W. But the team did, so that’s good. That BASHTARD Bastardo walked the first guy he faced. Oy vey.

Keep up the merciless beatdown of the doodoo teams. 

Pray for Yo. Pray for d’Arnaud. 

Bring It Home

The Mets swept the Braves. They went 7-2 on this road trip, hitting about a million dingers. deGrom is deBest. Familia was shaky but got it done. Learn to pitch, though. Their bats should never touch the ball on 0-2 counts. 

But can they bring it home?! Get ready for the bats to dry the fuck up, especially if Yo is still hurt.

It’s amazin’ that now that the Mets have achieved the seemingly difficult part (assembling incredible talent–pitchers with great stuff and hitters that mash), they can’t do the easy stuff that teams have to do. Fundies! Baserunning! Run manufacturing and not making sloppy plays. My god that extra inning game in Philly was terrible.

The Mets are not yet a championship team because of these flaws. They have to get it right and are capable of it but I haven’t seen it yet. Terry, take a page out of Joe Maddon’s book, or Bobby V’s book, and get your players’ heads out of their asses. 

In “watch the standings” news: the Twins have their heads waaaaay up their asses, throwing meat to pinch-hitter Bryce Harper in the bottom of the 9th and allowing him to hit a game tying dinger. All ego, no brains. Just retarded. By the way, why was he pinch hitting? Day game rest after a night game? Pusssssssies. He ain’t David Wright. He’s a healthy kid. Cal Ripken is rolling his eyes. I thought Dusty Baker was old school. Harper prolly would’ve had 3 dingers. 

Back to Back (Again?)

Walker & Dru hit back 2 back jacks. The Mets have gone back 2 back in four of their last five games.

Mets win. Here’s what went wrong:

*Matz threw an 0-2 cookie to lefty Freeman and got punished for it. Learn to pitch! TDA and TC, it’s on you, too.

*Other than dingers or errors, we don’t score.

*deGrom is pitching tomorrow, so Terry should not have used Verrett (in case deGrom needs to depart early…I imagine he’ll be limited to 80 or so pitches).

*Cespedes is dead. Neon green rain. 

Happy Passover from the Mets

The Mets beat the Braves (the worst team in the division) and so on this Passover, we ask four questions:

1) Will the Wilpons spend another penny this season? No–we’re full.

2) Will Grandy break out of his slump? Yes–2 dingers.

3) Will Terry rest a banged up Yo? He better.

4) Can we absolutely demolish the Braves all season long and then demolish Turner Field once and for all? We better. 

Mets Can’t Sweep Phils

Derrr, which way does the broom go?

Mets lose to the Phils in extra innings. Out-depth’d. Wow. That’s bad. Wright missing that foul ball. Oops. The wild pitch. Garbage. Umps taking away Asdrubal’s dinger (horrible fan interference call) away and us not being able to score otherwise. Terrible. 

Now we go to Atlanta. The Braves are even worse. Our biggest obstacle is that Turner Field is haunted, and now that the stadium won’t exist much longer, the maintenance crew is phoning it the fuck in and everyone is complaining about how bad the field conditions are. 

Dingers! Dingers!

A wink that says, “That would’ve been out at Shitti, too.”

Mets 11, Phils 1

Wow. Somebody put an asterisk next to all of J-Roll’s stats because this stadium is a JOKE.

Great to see dinger after dinger. We all love slow-pitch softball. I’m not concerned or anything. I’m just saying at some point we’ll have to prove we can play sound offense because we don’t get to play in this tiny, shitty stadium (re: city) every day.

Verrett making a bid to be a part of this staff. Obviously, he’s established himself as the long man (until Wheeler comes back and Colon likely takes that role). deGrom is set to start on Sunday.

Quietly–and with dignity–the Mets’ infield has done exactly what we hoped. It’s still early, but they are making routine plays and it is fascinating. The supposedly “not so good at defense” boys are soooo much better than the “born to DH” combo of Flores/Murph. 

Lagares made an unbelievable catch to rob a dinger. How’s his arm? Pretty sure newly christened mop up man Montero was in at the time. 

Let’s sweep this shitty–but not as shitty as last year–team.  

David Wright Should Finish His Career in Philly

wright phillyMets 5, Phils 2

I guess we’d all love to hit at Baby Park. Good for Wright. Good for everyone. Dingers! Dingers! Dingers! Keep piling ’em on. I still think Asdrubal should hit 2nd. He notched 3 more hits today. I love Wright. Don’t get me wrong. What’s not to love? He even made a nice play today (that didn’t require a throw with lots of zip). I hope he proves me wrong, but realistically, unless he’s going to be a selfish douche insecure bitch “Face of the Franchise” like Jeter was, he’s going to have to move down in the order at some point. Prove me wrong! Don’t die!

Nobody let Thor eat a damn sandwich ever again! Jeez, ever since #sandwichgate, Thor has torn it up. He’s really blossoming. That Thor’s so hot right now.

This game was too close for too long. Eickhoff? Really!?

Hey, while everybody is going apeshit over Daniel Murphy’s hot start, ask yourselves: Who is leading the Mets in HRs? Neil Walker, baby. Who is playing adequate defense? Neil Walker, baby. We all know Murphy is great. It really shouldn’t surprise anyone that he’ll hit .300 with Harper behind him. .415 is pretty damn surprising, and if the season ends with him batting .350, then yeah, I’ll be surprised. But hey, the Nats paid him. I don’t know why everyone is going apeshit. He plays Murphyball. We all know about the .400 hitting Murphy. That’s the same Murphy who runs the bases like shit and boots routine plays. And we still like him! Because he can be a +2. We know this. 2015 NLCS MVP kaboom Jesus. He’s a good pleeeyer. Move on.

Murphy leads the NL in batting average. Who is in 2nd place? Angel Pagan. We know he was damn good, too! At least Neil “full fledged Major Leaguer” Walker replaced Murph. Pagan got replaced by Andres Torres. OOPS! 5 years later, Pagan is still good but I’ll take Conforto-Cespedes-Grandy. Good players on good teams, all around.