Fish 7, Mets 3. We lose the series and go 2-4 on the road trip. Keith went 3-3 with the Latina hunnies in South Beach. “Yo soy Keith Hernandez.”

“Sell! Sell! Sell!” is first and foremost a demand to the Wilpons. That’ll never happen. So instead, the headline refers to what we should be doing as Mets fans. Yup, that’s right, we’re done.

Let’s recap:

~I love you Tolo, but you need to stop trying to pitch through Stanton. That was a fucking BOMB. The Mets spotted you a 2-run lead in the first. You blew it. You know these Mets. It’s a CGSO or bust if you want to get a W.

~Happy Birthday Gary! I noticed Keith stuck his fingers in your cake. So ballin.

~Latos getting hurt running the bases was a blessing in disguise for the Fish, as we were socking him (by our standards). their mediocre-at-best bullpen mowed us the fuck down. Walk the leadoff man? No problemo, double play coming up!

~At one point, Curtis Granderson grounded out on a 3-0 pitch. Hey, how’s Nelson Cruz doing?

~OK, one thing I can’t blame on the Mets: With the game tied at 3, the Marlins hit a double. The runner would ultimately come around to score the go-ahead-for-good run. However, the double was actually a foul ball. It wasn’t really close. It’s unfathomable that you can’t challenge foul balls.

-For more on this, I talked to Bud Selig. He responded, “Listen, we simply don’t ahve the technology to see if that was fair or foul. That would require some kind of device that would play the hit over again. Some kind of re-do of the play on a camera. We’d have to see it in an instant. The technology just doesn’t exist.”

~Later in the game, the Mets would win a challenge. The original call (out at 1st) was so blatantly wrong that it had me screaming for robot ump implementation.

~Hansel, who’s so hot right now, made Stanton look foolish to retire the side with runners in scoring position. Teams should worry about him as much as they worry about Gretel.  Terry left him in for the next inning and he promptly sucked up the joint. I’m not sure what to make of it. He’s got to be able to handle multiple innings.

~Murphy and Flores both made errors today, though only Flores was charged. Murphy should’ve been charged for dropping a ball on a throw from Plawecki that likely would’ve gotten the runner out. Instead, he got the steal. The middle-infield also failed to turn a DP before Stanton’s dinger in the 1st. Oopsie.

~I don’t blame Bighat Torres for the 3-run dinger that iced the game. Great AB from the great Ichiro. I don’t want this to happen, but if a comebacker smacked Bighat right in the hat and it didn’t hurt and he still made the out, does the big hat become mandate?

-“Whoa, whoa, whoa, there Mr. Metsblow! Slow down! New hats? We’ve still got to work on this newfangled fair vs. foul review thing first. One decade at a time, please.” -Bud Selig

~Leathersich, in his debut, let up a double. He got bailed out when the runner overran 2nd base and was tagged out.

~The Mets scratched out just 7 hits. They didn’t score after the 3rd inning. We simply can’t hit. The losses of Wright and d’Arnaud have really shown that we have coy pond depth*. Tejada, Kirk, Recker, Cuddy, Grandy…these guys don’t hit. Yeah, Cuddy hit a dinger today. So what? We don’t score runs. We don’t hit. I started Metsblow to shit on the Wilpons because #fuckthewilpons I fucking hate them. I hate shitting on players. I see guys like Grandy and Cuddy trying their asses off and I respect the hell out of them. I hate shitting on them but they fucking blow. I know it’s not their fault, it’s simply METS disease, but it’s hard to watch.

Now, we go up against the resurgent Nationals for 4 games. They have scored 26 runs in the past 2 games. We can’t hit the shitty Marlins, so why would we hit the best pitching baseball? The only way to win will be if WE actually have the best pitching, meaning winning games 1-0.

It’s classic Mets to start hot this year. They’ll sputter and not make the playoffs, largely in part to the Wilpons not making moves/spending $ at the all-star break. “I want a new toy!!!” screams Baby Jeffy. “Whatever you want my darling son,” replies Fred. “Would you like the Tulo toy? Perhaps the CarGo toy?” “No!” shouts baby Jeffy, “I want that one!!,” whines baby Jeffy as he points to a hot dog. [Three weeks later] “It cost us every last dollar we had, and it was one hell of a rush to get this in by the trade deadline, but now Shittifield has the best damn hot dogs in town! You did a great job, Jeffy!,” said Fred.

*Breaking News: Coy pond depth gets a bit shallower as Brandon Nimmo is now dead.

Fish 4, Mets 3

Tejada-Kirk-Recker batting 6-7-8 was a black hole to behold. It was particularly noticeable in the 8th after Murphy’s leadoff double. They should all be cut.

Carlos Torres is being pitched into the ground.

Lagares needs TJ.

Montero pitched well. He hasn’t thrown that many pitches in a while (ever?), and that led to trouble. 

Tolo going for the rubber game tomorrow. Let’s go!