Postblow: We Are Garbage

Marlins 9, Mets 5

Wilmer Flores error and Niese can’t stop the bleeding? Hmm. I can literally copy&paste the postblow of any Niese start this season.

And as for all the “bring up Matz” talk, to that I say: yeah bring up Matz so HE can get the dogshit offense and lack of run support hooray! I guess we scored 5 runs today, which is more than double our quota. Now our pitching sucks, too, hooray!

Get used to seeing Ruben Tejada a LOT at 3rd. He’s the best option we have out there by far. It hurts to type it, but it’s true. With his 3-run double today, he’s secured his spot until Wright comes back, and we all know that’s never happening. We can’t even bunt. It’s the damn National League, boys. 

We are terrible. Metsblow.

Preblow: #HarveyDay and The Pursuit of SS Happiness

The most important Met with the most important Jew.
The most important Met with the most important Jew.

First, #HarveyDay:

Matt Harvey is in trouble today. He’s coming off his worst start ever, which means he’ll have something to prove, which is great. However, he’s opposed by Dan Haren. Dan Haren is the definitive “over-the-hill-but-gets-into-vintage-form-against-the-doodoo-Mets” pitcher. CGSO or bust, Matt, but what else is new?

Second, the new SS pursuit:

The Mets want Cubano SS Alfredo Rodriguez. Rodriguez, 21, recently left Cuba (they no longer need to defect!) in order to pursue a contract with a major league team.

Rodriguez was the 2014-15 Serie Nacional Rookie of the Year in Cuba and the recipient of their gold glove award. In 304 plate appearances last season, Rodriguez hit .265 with a .301 OBP and .284 SLG percentage.

“He has a long way to go as a hitter, but was arguably the best defensive shortstop in Cuba,” according to Baseball America’s Ben Badler. “He’s an athletic, agile defender with smooth, fluid actions.” Therefore, he’d be the best defensive shortstop on the Mets x infinity billion. Rodriguez should be able to ink a deal during the upcoming signing period, which starts on July 2.

The Wilpons have stated that they are in HOT PURSUIT…all the way up to six figures!

Happy Postblow: Mets Sweep Phils But Who Gives a Shit?

Mets 7, Phils 0

Wow, and we did it against an ELITE pitcher like uhhh…whatever nameless scrub the Phils had going.

The Mets shill media will again be all over this one. “WOW, SWEEP!” “METS BATS WAKE UP!” Blah blah fuck you. The Mets basically had those Mickey Mouse Fantasia brooms with them. Don’t get the analogy? Neither do I. The point is: The Phillies FUCKING BLOW. KAKADOOKIE x a billion. They’re the worst team in the league. Don’t be fooled. At least they have a chip and something like 5 straight division titles to show for it. We had 1 division title befoure our kakadookie half-decade. Also watch the Phils turn it around in 2 years, whereas the Mets took 6 (and maybe more).

We did hit some dingers. Cuddy had another upper deck blast. Thor, in addition to his 7.1 shutout innings, also hit a blast. Duda hit two. Thor and deGrom and Niese are all better hitters than anybody on our bench.

Off day tomorrow. A win is a win and a sweep is a sweep. The doodyshit Marlins come to Queens this weekend. Then, we’re off to the west coast where nobody will stay up late to watch the Mets get their shit pushed in by mediocre teams…unless TDA comes back! TDA! TDA!