Postblow: We Are Garbage

Marlins 9, Mets 5

Wilmer Flores error and Niese can’t stop the bleeding? Hmm. I can literally copy&paste the postblow of any Niese start this season.

And as for all the “bring up Matz” talk, to that I say: yeah bring up Matz so HE can get the dogshit offense and lack of run support hooray! I guess we scored 5 runs today, which is more than double our quota. Now our pitching sucks, too, hooray!

Get used to seeing Ruben Tejada a LOT at 3rd. He’s the best option we have out there by far. It hurts to type it, but it’s true. With his 3-run double today, he’s secured his spot until Wright comes back, and we all know that’s never happening. We can’t even bunt. It’s the damn National League, boys. 

We are terrible. Metsblow.

Preblow: #HarveyDay and The Pursuit of SS Happiness

The most important Met with the most important Jew.
The most important Met with the most important Jew.

First, #HarveyDay:

Matt Harvey is in trouble today. He’s coming off his worst start ever, which means he’ll have something to prove, which is great. However, he’s opposed by Dan Haren. Dan Haren is the definitive “over-the-hill-but-gets-into-vintage-form-against-the-doodoo-Mets” pitcher. CGSO or bust, Matt, but what else is new?

Second, the new SS pursuit:

The Mets want Cubano SS Alfredo Rodriguez. Rodriguez, 21, recently left Cuba (they no longer need to defect!) in order to pursue a contract with a major league team.

Rodriguez was the 2014-15 Serie Nacional Rookie of the Year in Cuba and the recipient of their gold glove award. In 304 plate appearances last season, Rodriguez hit .265 with a .301 OBP and .284 SLG percentage.

“He has a long way to go as a hitter, but was arguably the best defensive shortstop in Cuba,” according to Baseball America’s Ben Badler. “He’s an athletic, agile defender with smooth, fluid actions.” Therefore, he’d be the best defensive shortstop on the Mets x infinity billion. Rodriguez should be able to ink a deal during the upcoming signing period, which starts on July 2.

The Wilpons have stated that they are in HOT PURSUIT…all the way up to six figures!

Happy Postblow: Mets Sweep Phils But Who Gives a Shit?

Mets 7, Phils 0

Wow, and we did it against an ELITE pitcher like uhhh…whatever nameless scrub the Phils had going.

The Mets shill media will again be all over this one. “WOW, SWEEP!” “METS BATS WAKE UP!” Blah blah fuck you. The Mets basically had those Mickey Mouse Fantasia brooms with them. Don’t get the analogy? Neither do I. The point is: The Phillies FUCKING BLOW. KAKADOOKIE x a billion. They’re the worst team in the league. Don’t be fooled. At least they have a chip and something like 5 straight division titles to show for it. We had 1 division title befoure our kakadookie half-decade. Also watch the Phils turn it around in 2 years, whereas the Mets took 6 (and maybe more).

We did hit some dingers. Cuddy had another upper deck blast. Thor, in addition to his 7.1 shutout innings, also hit a blast. Duda hit two. Thor and deGrom and Niese are all better hitters than anybody on our bench.

Off day tomorrow. A win is a win and a sweep is a sweep. The doodyshit Marlins come to Queens this weekend. Then, we’re off to the west coast where nobody will stay up late to watch the Mets get their shit pushed in by mediocre teams…unless TDA comes back! TDA! TDA!

Transaction Blows

Movin' n shakin'
Movin’ n shakin’

1) Kirk New-in-Hice (fucking the spelling now!) was acquired by the Angels. Glad we spent two months (and five years) “evaluating” him at the major league level before deeming he’s not even worth a spot in Vegas.

2) The Mets will go with a 4-man bench and a 6-man rotation until (at least) August. I’m all for it. Hopefully the rotation doesn’t revolt. It’s a 6-man rotation or no innings in September ya mooks! Deal with it.

3) Vic Black is ready to return from the DL, according to Warthen. This news, conspiratorially, comes 1 day after a big fat bullpen collapse. In future news: Black was rushed back in too quickly, and his arm fell off.

4) Travis d’Arnaud is expected back next week. He’s expected by Metsblow to suffer a major setback sometime between now and next week.

Post/Preblow: Mets Shill Media Celebrates Walk-Off Win

Mets 5, Phils 4. F/10

I’m happy for Wilmer. I really am. Wally Backman said he was clutch. He got the game-tying sac fly in the 8th, and the game-winning hit in the 10th. He’s clutch. He’s hitting. Excellent. Wilmer Tha Gawd!

BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT WHAT A HAPPY NIGHT IT WAS! Fucking shills. Last night was a disaster. Last night was a game where we BARELY SCRATCHED a scrub doodoo pitcher. Last night was a game where we blew a lead and a would-be shutout for one of our many aces. Our rotation must all want the FUCK off this team. What’s a guy gotta do to get a fucking W? Oh, right, a CGSO. We’ve been saying that here at Metsblow all fucking season and it’s truer than gravity.

The story of last night: we struggled mightily against the worst team in baseball.

One of the reasons the Phils are the worst is that they’re mentally challenged. How the fuck can teams (or this team, at least) plan/strategize to pitch to Duda? That’s retaaaarded. I can’t believe they pitch to him. Murph behind him is good protection (though it’s lefty-lefty, which isn’t a big deal). But even with Murph, it’s soooo dumb. You take your chances that Murph dunks one and even if he doubles it’ll be 2nd and 3rd because Duda and the whole team are as slow as molasses in January. Also the molasses has Down Syndrome.

It’s crazy to think, but it’s actually true that the Phillies (and Mets while we’re at it) front office and mgmt team knows less than we* do.

*we = me and the Metsblow army #Metsblowers

How do these millionaires not understand to walk Duda every time? Every single fucking time. Conventional wisdom says that you avoid baserunners no matter what, but conventional wisdom also says that you don’t have a dumpster fire of minor leaguers batting 6-7-8 in the lineup.

Preblow: You already know what it is. The Phillies and some doodoo starter named Sean O’Sullivan with a career ERA of 5.66 vs Thor. Let’s see the Mets offense make O’Sullivan look like Halladay and let’s see Thor best him anyway.

P.S. Bring up Conforto! Florida State League Player of the Week means he’s already the 3rd best hitter on the Mets!

Post/Pre/Dailyblow: Sandy Alderson Is a “Fucking Pinocchio Ass Nigga”

Tweet of the Day: @ogdiamond15
Tweet of the Day: @ogdiamond15

First, the postblow: Mets 6, Phillies 3. Nobody cares. Umps wanted to go home for Memorial Day. Everybody struck out. There were some dingers. NOBODY CARES. Mets beat the Phillies. WOOHOO WE’RE BAAAAAACK. Colon hit a single. Nice. Cuddyer hit a homer run (to the 2nd deck) and did a bat flip. 2nd deck bat flip! .100 pts below career avg bat flip! Recker, at one point, K’d and his bat went flying into the stands. Bat flip!

Second, I received intel of this tweet–here at Metsblow we have our little birds everywhere–without context and assumed it was about Jon Niese and his schnoz. Nope! It’s about Alderson and his lies. FACT. Straight up FACT. Sandy Alderson is 100% unequivocally a “fucking Pinocchio ass nigga.”

Alderson is probably going to extend Recker’s contract. I know Recker is exploring his options in the Mexican Leagues, so you better do something quickly, Sandy! He only made a fielding AND throwing error to let the final out K reach 1st base. No biggie! Contract extension!

As for the “fucking Pinocchio ass nigga” not making any moves until TDA and Wright come back, where does he stand now? When the doctor advises Wright to retire, do you think the Mets will move Flores to 3rd? NOPE! They’re going to lie, because that’s what else is a “fucking Pinocchio ass nigga” going to do? He’ll say, “Wright will be back in a month! Just a small setback!” And they won’t move Wilmer to 3rd. And they won’t do anything…except lose. We will continue to be the worst team (we are the worst May team this season), despite having the best pitching. It’s unheard of. It’s legendary.

Finally, the preblow: We play the Phillies tonight. Nobody gives a shit. Whoopdee-freakin-doo.


P.S. The Wilpons made Wright pay out of pocket for his flight to California to see the back specialist. Also the flight was uncomfortable and a tremendous strain on his thinning spinal column.

P.P.S. Galvis bunted with his foot on home plate and that’s not challenge-able so oooops it counts and then the Phils tied the game later that inning. Anything being unchallenge-able is retaaaarded. It makes no sense. That’s what instant replay is for, you fucks. It’s the same with the government. Next black guy to get murked by the cops is gonna have a family. The family is gonna want to see the replay and get justice. The gov’t is gonna be like, “nah, his foot was on the base. Not challenge-able.”