‘Member the Collapses?

Two games up? Three games left? Mets fans don’t want to eat ‘member berries right now. No nostalgia for us. If we don’t make the (stupid one-game) postseason, it will be considered a big, FAT collapse. The Phillies blow. 

The Giants have been collapsing since the break, but the difference between them and the ’07 (or ’08) Mets is that they’re the kind of franchise that hangs on. The Mets have made the playoffs in back-to-back seasons only once (’99-’00) in franchise history. That’s true dogshit.

Let’s GO YO. Let’s go Jose. Let’s go Dru. Let’s go TJ. TJ has been the difference in our lineup. So has TJ surgery on our beleaguered staff, but it’s nice to see The Bronx Bomber getting it done. Oops Matz is dead (duhh). Oops Duda is dead (duhh). Next man up. These ain’t surprises. 

By the way, the Cardinals game was rigged last night. They walked off on a GRD except the runner was on 1st. And the Reds have just completely checked out. They don’t even get mad about getting hosed. Price should be fired. He’s likely trying to get fired. Good job, MLB! 

Too Good To Be True?

Well, the Cards and Giants also each put up 12. Buuuuut, we looked good. Yo hit one to the heavens for his countryman. Bruce hit one! Same day?? Bruce and Yo? On Sep 27? Wow that’s bad. But better late than never, Jay. No time like the present. The lineup is hot. Hot and blonde. 

Win this series and win the next one. Don’t gotta get fancy. Not asking for too much, here. 

That Game Was Rigged…and it’s OK

Mets & Marlins players hug before the game…and it wasn’t sarcastaball

“I don’t care who you are, who you root for or how badly you want the Mets to be in the postseason, that was phenomenal,” said Gary Cohen after Dee Gordon launched an upper deck blast to start the bottom of the 1st.

So the Marlins had to win that game. It was rigged by the umps, the Gods, and even the Mets themselves, I suppose. Keith mentioned that there was no way the Mets would muster the usual competitive grit required of a baseball team and I agree. Rigging aside, we were outplayed. We had opportunities and squandered them. The Marlins really, REALLY wanted the W and they got it. 

Well done, everyone. It was heavy as fuck. It was extraordinarily sad and I respect everything that was done. 

Now Thor takes the hill. Now it’s back to baseball. It’s a good thing the Cards and Giants both blow. Let’s make the fucking playoffs. 

How Much Do The Mets Actually Blow?

We’re about to find out. I was actually putting on my baseball gear when I heard the Jose Fernandez news yesterday. I was shocked and saddened. I was very upset that guys like Yo and Keith were so sad, too. It is a tragedy. That’s all I have to say about that.

The Mets won 17-0 yesterday. We all know what happened. The Mets are in complete control of their playoff chances and are now going up against what is arguably the most beleaguered team in the history of Major League Baseball. 

The good news is that they’ll probably make the playoffs and as miserable Mets fans, we sort of have to consider that a success. Also, if the Mets blow it, Terry will probably be fired. The bad news: I won’t be hired. It’ll just be another scapegoat. Fuck the Wilpons. We’ll never be the franchise we want to be with them at the helm. 

EDIT: I am aware that the Jose Fernandez tragedy is bigger than baseball, but this is a METS blog about how the METS blow. And the Marlins playing spoiler and shitting all over us at the end of the season is a tradition. It shouldn’t happen this time around. But it probably will. The whole world is rooting for Miami right now. Mets blow. 

Matz Out, Fam Burnt, Oh and We Won



Matz out for season cuz we can’t ever have 1 good day. I laughed out loud when they said earlier in the week that he’d be back.

Can’t wait for Terry to run Fam out today in the 7th. Maybe he should just put a chainsaw to his arm. That’d be quicker.

Love Jose. Love Dru. Hate meaningful September. We’ve been bad all year and don’t really deserve this shot. But it sure is nice to see the boys fight. They want it, and that’s great. Just keep the bleach handy while you’re watching.


The Mets Blow

I was gonna write something big, but why bother? All I’ll say is that Yo is a hero and should be paid like one, Terry should be fired, the Wilpons should be fired out of a cannon, we were swept by the Braves twice at home this season, and the Mets blow. We don’t deserve anything good. It’s cool that the rest of the NL blows, and if we squeak in, great! But we don’t deserve shit. 

P.S. Anthony Recker! 

Oh, Terry, Terry, Terry

Hey, why not leave the lefty specialist in against the righty? It’s not like it’s September and we have extra arms in the pen! What could go wrong? Aaaand it’s gone. Only Girardi has a worse hook than you. At least you’re in the NL. He really has no excuse. I can’t believe how many people get paid maaaaad money to do a job worse than I could do it.

So Bruce can’t field now, huh? What a costly brain fart out there. The Garcia HR off of Blevins is really what blew it, so I blame Terry, but Bruce has one major case of METS disease. He got benched for Soupman for fucks sake!

Boy oh boy these are two bad teams. Once the Mets were down 2-1 off of Bruce’s brain fart and some BBs, I thought it was for sure over. We ain’t gettin’ more than 1 off of Teheran. But the Braves pinch hit for him (as they look to next season–a season in which they will compete and we better watch the fuck out) and tried to give us the game back. No thanks, we blow.

Our shittiness against the braves will probably just knock us out altogether, and it’s actually big for the “intradivision” tiebreaker, too. We will certainly lose that tiebreaker. Oops! Mets blow. 

That Was So Obvious

After strugg-a-ling so mightily against the lowly Twins, you knew we were bound to lose. Keith loves the spunky Braves. They’ve changed their identity after the ASB. We knew they’d try to go oppo against Thor. It was all so obvious. 

We’re 9-8 against the Braves this season. Does that sound like a playoff team to you? Fucking mooks. Teheran looms large.

Mets Win Hungover

That ain’t gatorade

I went to Saturday’s game. Awful, awful game. But the Grandy fireworks were spectacular. Almost made up for the fact that they struggled so much against the doodoo Twins. I also didn’t get a deGrom hair hat but arrived in time to let everyone know that Jacob needs surgery. Great day for deGrom day!

But what was nice was that the Mets definitely parties their faces off after the extra innings win. Yo and Grandy were probably neck deep in “it.” Cespedes had to leave the day game with a massive hangover. That’s pretty funny. He’s fine. He’s fine. Don’t panic. Stop panicking! 

Also Ynoa (sounds kinda like Noah) looked like Noah and Conforto looked like pre-Bumgarner Conforto. So there’s that. Good sweep, even though it was a struggle. Interleague is tough, I guess. Facing the unknown is tough. In September, you face guys hungry for jobs. But we took care of business (eventually) and now let’s do the same against Notlanta.

Who’s Back? Ow, My Back

Mets win, hooray. Back to back jacks from Jose & Dru. An RBI single from the only guy on the team capable of doing that. Big Sexy was too sexy for ’em. Fam was shaky but kept the shutout in tact.

Did you hear the news? Wright is coming back. Duda is coming back. deGrom, Matz, Lagares…they’re all coming back!

Give me a fucking breeeeeeak in my vertebrae. Let’s rush em back and permanently damage them, yay! Fuckin morons. Maybe we’ll see a guy like deGrom come back from “soreness,” but it shouldn’t be Wright or Duda. That’s gonna hurt.