Mets Are Interested in Ben Zobrist

zobrist1Remember him?

The Mets are interested, you guys! Matt Dweebazoid Shill Bitch Cerrone said so on Metsblog! The Mets are interested! SO FUCKING INTERESTED!!

Thank God for our interest. So when we don’t sign anybody and we are a .500 team next season, don’t blame the Jewpons! THEY WERE INTERESTED!!

I love that we’re interested. God damn does it feel good to know that we’re interested. We are interested in a championship. Doesn’t that warm your heart to know? Our interest is peaking. We’re so fucking interested that we can’t contain ourselves.

I am interested in Jennifer Aniston and Megan Fox, by the way. Just letting you guys know that I’m interested.


Murphy Declines Qualifying Offer

First of all, fuckin’ gays are all over the place. Second, this WOULD be good news if the Mets could get Zobrist. 

Here’s what will actually happen: We’ll get a 1st round pick and Murph will go to SF, NYY, or another strong competitor in 2016. Our 1st round pick should come up at just about the time that we lose Harvey. 

Also, we won’t get Zobrist or even Jelly. Herrera will get 500 ABs. He looked like dog doo in the Show. If he gets 500 ABs (seems likely at this point), the O/U is .245/.300 and I’m taking the under both times, and I’m also setting a prop bet that if he magically is hitting .265 or better by June, he will get injured. 

So it’s not official yet, I guess, but say goodbye to Murph. Would’ve loved if you called the bluff and accepted the offer, but sadly I understand your move and I think it’s the correct one. Jesus is good. 

Collins Signed Through 2017

Sounds good to me. One less thing to worry about. No reason to break up a good thing. Collins is 1 for 1 in being good with a good team.

Collins’ voice might not be so loud in the war room, but one thing is for sure; he LOOOVES Cespedes. And, uhhhhh, of course he does. I mean, no shit, right?

Nats got Dusty “pitch em til their arm falls off” Baker. Whatever. I’m not worried about any team but our own. The Cubs will make moves. The Giants will make moves. All that matters is that we bolster our D and put a lineup out there to support our elite pitching staff. 

Will the Jewpons Jew Out?

Must sign. MUST SIGN.
Must sign. MUST SIGN.

The Royals won the World Series. Good for them. We blew it. Our poor defense got EXPOSED. We blew it more than they won it. Experience is everything and they had it but now we have it.

We can actually be excited for next season. Pray for some luck. Pray for health. Pray for our ELITE young pitching (both the rotation and the closer).

Pray the Jewpons don’t Jew out. We MUST SIGN Cespedes. Everyone knows he was the catalyst. He was the lightning that brought Frankenstein’s monster to life. We need him the most. If the Wilpons can’t/don’t sign him, they shouldn’t be owners anymore.

We also need Zobrist. We also need Reynolds and Herrera to be good next year, but that’s not a signing. We need Uribe and Jelly. We have to sure up the fucking defense.

It’s bittersweet. I wanted the chip so badly. But we actually do have a shot. We have a window. Sandy Alderson knows this, and should be able to explain it in terms that Baby Jeffy can understand. “Look at all the t-shirts and expensive tickets people bought in the playoffs.” But I don’t rely on him to understand anything.

It’s super hard to win. We could be the ’90s Braves with our rotation. They made the playoffs a whole bunch but only won it all once. Well, 1 is a whole lot fucking better than 0! The point is to get to the postseason and you’ve got a shot. Sign Cespedes and we’re likely to win ~96 games next year.

Cespedes will have to work on it in the offseason, but he’s our CF. Pray for the signing. Pray the Jewpons don’t Jew out. Sure up the pen, sure up the infield defense, and pray.

Extra Innings Update: Metsblow

The Royals’ scouting report at the beginning of this series: The Mets can’t play D!!! Just make contact!! Every game has been the same. I give them 1% credit for putting balls in play and 99% goes to the Mets choking. Maybe we win tonight, but the Metsbloooow.

It is essentially little league where you just intentionally get into a pickle because you know they’ll fuck up. It’s “bad” baserunning but it doesn’t matter. 


Nice Managing, Einstein

Royals 5, Mets less than 5 I dunno who gives a shit? Mets 3, whatever.
Clippard? You’re gonna bring in fucking Clippard?? And let him walk TWO guys??

Goat Murphy. Goat Cespedes. Goat Clippard or Fam if you must. But Terry is the real goat. Season’s not over yet, but yeah it’s fucking brutal to give that game up. Not like dis. Not like dis. Absolutely zero credit due to the Royals. Mets completely blew it. We blew it. 

How bout Wade Davis for the 6 out save (hello????). 

Set your clocks back…to 1986.