We’re Not A Complete Team

Red Sox 6, Mets 4 (F/10)

The bullpen blows. We’re not a complete team. Harvey gets lifted after 6 innings (103 pitches) of lights out ball, and the bullpen blows the whole fucking thing.

Our pen is bad, guys. We’re not a complete team. We’re not there yet. Get someone. Get K-Rod back or something. Do something, because THIS IS OUR SHOT AND THE BULLPEN IS FUCKING BLOWING IT.

Pennant Race Blow: The Nationals lost at home to the Marlins. Scherzer was pitching. He got touched up again. WOOOOOOOW they’re strugg-a-ling. NL LEEEEEAAASSSTT.

Matt Williams Says He’s Never Seen Anything Like It

So Span got hurt AGAIN yesterday. Matt Williams, the Nats’ manager, is shocked. He’s “never seen anything like it.”

So, Matt. Matty Matty Matt Matt. Matt “manager of the year 2014” Williams, let me ask you a question: Do you watch baseball?

My eyes! I can't see!
My eyes! I can’t see!

Are you fucking kidding, Matt? I’m not even talking about Mets baseball. I mean sure if you watch the Mets ever ever ever, you’d see we’re oft injured. The most in the majors. Fine. But I’m just talking about ANY BASEBALL AT ALL. Baseball, motherfucker, do you watch it? Are you surprised that the Rangers are better this year? Prince Fielder broke his NECK last year. And Yu Darvish is still hurt this year. They’ll be better next year…or will they? Injuries can plague a team. What the fuck are you talking about, Matt?

The Nationals have moved to blaming injuries. HA! HA HA FUCKING HA! Tell that to Zach Wheeler. Tell that to Travis or David. Hey Nationals, you silver spooned pieces of shit, welcome to adversity. Maybe next time don’t let LaRoche and Clippard go, you freakin mooks.

We Won Because…

Mets 9, Phillies 5 (F/13)

Because there was no O’Flaherty or Recker in this game. Good job. Way to stick with it.

We also won because of a really fucking lucky play off Torres’ foot and into Murphy’s glove and then out of Murphy’s glove backwards into Torres’s glove at 1st. That was nuts. Good on Torres for covering after being struck in the foot.

Also Jelly and Cespedes hit dingers. Hey, we set a franchise record for dingers in a month! Do you think that has anything to do with getting the 2x home run derby champ on our team? Maybe? Just maybe?

Who Still Blows?

Mets 9, Phillies 4

…and nobody got beaned.

So it’s tough to complain, right? Wrong! I’m going to skip all the good news and praise and get right to it: O’Flaherty and Recker should never be seen in a Mets uniform again. The end. Tonight, Niese pitches against Harang for the sweep.

The Phillies Don’t Know The MLBN’s Flagship Program?

So the Phillies have a problem with this?
So the Phillies have a problem with this?

Mets 6, Phillies 5

No, they don’t really have a problem with quick pitching. Their problem is with that fact that we’re better than they are. They’re a dogshit team and we’re not. They’re frustrated. Lame. Super lame. When a brawl breaks out today, Harvey better not punch with his pitching hand.

MLB Network’s “Quick Pitch” with Hansel Robles and every pitcher ever will be followed by:

Roid Rage with Roger Clemens at 10.

Spitballs with Michael Pineda at 11.

And of course, our new flagship program, Batflipping with Daniel Murphy and every Cubano ever.

Switch on over to NFLN for “Helmet to Helmet” with Teddy Bruschi and Bill Romanowski.


Dingers! Dingers! Dingers!
Dingers! Dingers! Dingers!

Mets 16, Phillies 7

So we can hit now!? Uhhh, well, that’s because the lineup is entirely different thanks to the Maverick. Praise be due to the Maverick. Here is a breakdown of our franchise record 8 dingers:

Top 2: David Wright, on his first swing back in the majors.

Top 3: Lagares, on a cheap Citizens Bank dinger.

Top 4: Wilmer, with Wright on base.

Top 4: d’Arnaud, back-to-back.

Top 5: Wilmer again.

Top 5: Cuddyer on the first pitch.

Top 6: Murph, who showboated and watched his cheap Citizens Bank dinger “all the way to the first row,” as Gary said.

Top 9: Cespedes, because what would a dinger day be without Cespedes!?

So on a night where deGrom didn’t have it, the Mets were the Comeback Kids and put the whole damn league on notice. Meanwhile, Gilmartin came in as the long reliever and mowed the Phillies down. That was impressive stuff. We needed those stops.

The impact of Wright is clear. As is the impact of Cespedes. Wright made two errors at 3rd, but I’m not too worried about that. He’ll get it back.

So on a night where Joe “I couldn’t care less” Namath smiled at our 16-7 score, can we actually start to believe? The doctors gave a great report on Duda, saying he’ll be back earlier than expected (don’t believe it). Gomez is struggling in Houston; his hip is BALKING. Can we believe it wasn’t the Jewpons jewing out and it was actually his hip? Don’t believe it. Stick with the facts: We’re in 1st place. That’s all that matters right now. One game at a time.

Thor takes the hill. Other than Verrett, our pitching has been struggling in these band boxes. Time for Thor to show us a good road start for once.

The Mets Listened To Me, As They Should

Ow, my spine.
Ow, my spine.

Mets 5, Rockies 1

I told the Mets they need to pitch better. I TOOOOLD them to do that. Nice job, Verrett. He’ll likely start again next NEXT time Thor has a road start. You’re the new Gee. You even have his number. Man does the organization fucking hate Gee, or what? Don’t you think he’d be good in the pen? No?

Sweeping the doodoo Rockies was huge. The Rockies have single-handedly put us in this glorious position by beating the Nats and getting hammered by us. The story on Sunday was a familiar one: Elite pitching and enough hitting. That’s the formula, and Cespedes is the impact bat that makes the whole team go. Collins is dumb for batting him 2nd. But no matter where he bats, even when he goes 0 for 3, he changes the pitches thrown to everyone else. Murph is getting so many more fat fastballs and I love it. But Hale, the Rockies’ starter, was horrendous. He threw two wild pitches to RECKER! And they both let a run come in. Recker! He was scared of Recker!? Nah, he just missed his spots by a mile because he’s terrible. The Rockies are terrible. Good job on the sweep.

Now we’ve got to take at least 3 out 4 on the road against Philly. It’s another bad team, though since the ASG, the Marlins have been worse. The Phillies are better without Hamels and Utley for some reason–mainly because they’ve brought up some talented prospects. Either way, this is a last place team and you know what else…

David Wright is BACK! Now you get the photo at the top of the article. He’s baaaaack. What’s the O/U on games played before injuring himself again? 3.5? Will he even make it out of Philly? Stay tuned!

Back to Back Shitty Pitching Performances

Mets 14, Rockies 9 (again!)

Yup. 14-9 again. Wow. So we can’t pitch, now? It’s just Colorado? I don’t know about you, but the thing that stuck out for me was that we have to bring in our holder and our closer with a 5 run lead?

Our bullpen has been really fucking bad. It’s our Achilles Heel and we need to do something. We brought up Alvarez–perhaps he can go to work. Sheeeeiiit, it’s just Colorado, I suppose.

Well, we scored a lot. Everyone contributed. It was fun to watch. We beat a bad team (again). That’s good. The Yankees can’t seem to beat the last place teams (which is fucking pathetic). At least we’re doing that. We go for the sweep now with Matt Harvey Logan Verrett up against David Hale. It’s hard to tell with Rockies pitching, but Hale looks like a bum. He’s just coming off a DL stint, too. He got shellacked by the Nats.

Duda is dead. 15-day DL. Good thing we didn’t rush him back so we can get the retroactive DL games! Oh…wait…nope…Metsblow.