Month: January 2015

Mets’ Twitter Account Hyping up Recker

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@Mets on Twitter just posted this: Reck-It! Last year @Anthony_Recker posted career highs in R, H, 2B, HR & RBI. He looks to build off his success in ’15. 

Last year, Recker batted .201 with 27 RBI. All aboard the hype train!!

P.S. I stated this in my previous article but wow does this blog write itself. Sitting back and waiting for the Mets to trip over themselves is as assured as gravity. It only took about 3 hours since I posted my last article for them to do it again. If only Vegas had a prop bet of, “The Mets Will Do Something Retarded Today.”

SNY Pulled An Unbelievably Metsian Move

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SNY just let Bobby Ojeda go and will probably sign Nelson Figueroa to replace him.

Does this sound familiar?

The Mets (or in this case, their network) can’t afford to keep an absolute stud beast fan-favorite with wisdom, insight, and skill and instead opts for a total scrub that’ll take the league minimum. Unfuckingreal. You can’t make this stuff up. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The best part about being Mr. Metsblow is that I don’t have to do anything. I just hang out and wait for a friend (usually my brother or my boy Monster Max) to text me or for Metsblog or SNY or MLBN to report something and then I basically just copy & paste. The Mets are a catastrophic, comedic goldmine that consistently performs acts that are a microcosm for the organization as a whole.

P.S. No hard feelings to Nelson. I’m willing to give him a chance. He is my boy from Brooklyn, after all. It’s just that Ojeda was really, really great.

P.P.S. It is no coincidence that the Mets have cut ties with a player/person who criticizes them. Ojeda was vocal about his concerns with the organization and wouldn’t ya know it!? They cut him. That’s what he gets for speaking the truth.

Today, Mets.com emailed (aka spammed) me to let me know that the team has acquired the Foo Fighters

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Wow! Awesome! Not as good as Boys II Men or Huey Lewis & The News but wow!! This might be the free agency signing of the year!

So great to get updates on all their acquisitions. The stove is piping hot. The Padres and Marlins and other potential 2nd-wildcard teams have got nothing on us.

I heard the Wilpons are looking to acquire Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, and 2Pac as well. There’s a discount on holograms.

The best team in NY

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What is all this garbage talk about how the Mets are the best team in NY?

Prove it you delusional fucks.

Since losing the subway series in 2000 (or really since winning in 1986), we have been better than the Yankees for 1 week.

1 week in 2006. We went to the LCS. They lost in the divisional round. Other than that, we’re worse.

They were over .500 last year. Grow up, people. Stop with the egregious claims and prove it.

P.S. Yes we’ll probably be better than the jets, giants, and knicks, but that isn’t saying shit.

P.P.S. Yes the 4 game sweep in 2013 was a delight. But it doesn’t change anything. Let’s stay focused on our own business.

Will Flores Be Clutch?

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Mets’ AAA Vegas affiliate manager, lead gambler, and likely 2016 Mets manager Wally Backman says Flores is, “absolutely big-time in RBI situations.”

There should be plenty of opportunities to test this theory in 2015, seeing as how last year the Mets were as unclutch as any team I have ever seen with RISP. They had plenty of opportunities, too. They couldn’t score with a drunk slut on prom night.

Flores. 2015. Clutch. 80 RBIs (yeah, right) from him would go a long way.

Alderson/Flores on SS

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Alderson gave Cal Ripken award and said something like, “Mets fans have been waiting for me to introduce a shortstop.” Yeah that’s all in good fun until you realize that you’re a MULTI-MILLIONAIRE getting paid by BILLIONAIRES. Quit joking around and do your fucking job.

Flores, not liking all the SS buzz in Metsland, said something like, “I know what I can do, man. I know what I can do.” So do we Wilmer, so do we.

Why has Sandy Alderson made so few big-league trades?

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Over on Metsblog, this question was asked.

Here is Matt Cerrone’s response: Interesting, yes, but also kind of meaningless without context…I don’t think we have enough information yet…I agree, they’re not off to an impressive start in terms of acquiring big-league talent, but I can’t say with certainly why that is…

Nice question dodging, Matt! Very deft! Very PR-savvy! Bullets are flying by you like in the Matrix. I know the Mets pay you for these puppet minion answers, but knowing the Mets it can’t be THAT much.

Here is the real answer: Beacuse the Wilpons are cheap Jew fucks. They own a New York City team on a Monrovian budget and it compromises every faction of the franchise.