Month: March 2016

Blood Clot in Batdick

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harveybloodclot
Fans reaching out and attempting to grab Harvey’s dick, but doctors and Scott Boras kept the wolves at bay.

 

Just pray. Everyone pray. Pray pray pray. He’s fine. It’s fine. Don’t PANIC!!! It’s only a blood clot. He’ll be good to go for Opening Day. Start the fucking season already.

A note about retaliation:

The Royals retaliated by winning. Yost said it. D-Wright said it. Sure, yeah, that’s cool. But y’all are forgetting one big thing: The Royals LIVE TO BRAWL. It’s their thing. That’s their x-factor. They’re country drunk hicks that are itching to scuffle. They want to take beaners. That’s a mistake when going up against our aces, but it’s their thing.

 

 

Waive Buh-Bye to Ruben

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Baby Jeffy wave byeeeee
 
Ruben Tejada aka Ruben Sangwich aka Ruby Tuesday has been placed on waivers. His hefty 3mil couldn’t be covered by Jeff Ponzi I mean Jew Ponzi I mean Baby Jeffy Wilpon wah wah wah.

I’ve got nothing against Ruben but whatever. It was his time to go. He never filled Reyes’ shoes (who could?) and should not ever have been a starter in the first place. He was set up to fail. 

Mystery box! Reynolds, Gavin “The Real Grease” Cecchini, whatever. I don’t caaaaare. Just not Flores. He’ll need to play 3B, anyway, since Wright is dead. 

Pray for Asdrubal. 

One last time: Na de na na naaaaaa

P.S. Not one last time because the track is fire and hey, Ruby might clear waivers and end up on the team, anyway (doubtful). Na de naaaaaa

Cabrera is Dead

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Cabrera is dead and apparently blunted out as well. 

Cabrera made a good, heady play yesterday, tagging up from 1st on a long flyout off of Yo’s bat. Except, Cabrera pulled up limp. He winced, he walked off the field, and then he died.

The fans were given the Reyes treatment, too. Asdrubal’s status quickly went from: He’ll be back tomorrow to he’ll be back in two days to he’s going to NY for further testing to torn patella.

Good thing Tejada hit a dinger right away! What power! All is well. Remain calm. All is well! Once Wright goes down, Tejada will be our longest tenured Met. Wow. I can’t believe we thought we’d have a major league shortstop this year. Light your candles for Asdrubal. 

Spring Training Reminder: Soup is Dogshit

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chunkycampbell
Now with meatier chunks of doodoo

Harvey did this, Harvey did that, yada yada yada, whoopdee shit. Spring Training is garbage. I couldn’t care less. Don’t get me wrong, practice is great. Getting out in the sun is great. Hearing GKR is great. But practice (aka REPS) are not exhibition games. Practice is fielding and hitting and throwing and catching. Exhibition games are just prayers that nobody gets hurt. It means negative infinity. The gun’s probably juiced. Harvey’s probably juiced. All dingers are cookies and all Ks are gimmes.

Except here’s when they’re not…when you have a guy like Soup, his major league career hanging in the balance, it matters. Much like HBO’s “Hard Knocks,” training camp is about the thrill of the cuts. But the Mets sure suck the fun out of it. Soup is still on the team. That’s ridiculous. He went 0-2 today and left some runners on. That’s believable. He also walked and scored. Amazing. He didn’t strike out. Amazing. Did he put any sort of charge into any ball at any time? Hell no.

Soupman is garbage. The only reason he’s here at all is because everyone knows Wright is dead and Soup can actually play a decent 3B, sort of, not really. Flores/Soup as our 3B depth is not acceptable. Let the boys play! Give Reynolds his fucking reps at 3rd. Move Walker to 3rd and have Herrera play 2nd. These guys should be showing up at 9am anyway. They should be able to take thousands of grounders at 3rd. Get Soup the fuck off the team.

When Reyes was on his way out (the Wilpons were shocked!), we made a horrible mistake. We watched Tejada play SS for 7 years!! We finally have a competent major leaguer in Asdrubal. Don’t make the same mistake at the hot corner. Prepare the kids. Look elsewhere. Why didn’t we fucking sign Uribe!? Well, he’s not a long-term solution, anyway, I suppose. But Soup should not make this team.

Let’s Recap the Week

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cespehorse.jpg

We don’t need to go over every minute detail of every preseason game. I’m resting my fingers and juicing accordingly for when the season starts. I don’t like reporting non-stories too much. Lots of blogs need to report on things every day because they’re bloggers first and baseball fans second. That’s fine. I don’t know why anyone would read that shit, but whatever.

Let’s recap the week, because some fun things happened.

1) Neil Walker, a month ago, said he’s thankful to be a Met so he doesn’t have to face Mets pitching. A few days ago, in a scrimmage game, Familia nailed him in the knee. Nice!

2) Cespedes, after outdoing himself each day with baller cars, showed up to camp with Thor on horseback. Ballin. Stars gotta shine. News!

3) Cespedes bought a pig, killed the pig, and ate the pig. Yum!

4) Mejia said the whole banishment thing is nothing more than a conspiracy against him. FOOTSTOMP!

There you have it. News. Whatever. We also tied today. Herrera hit an inside the parker. That’s pretty sweet. There couldn’t be a better argument for, “this isn’t news” than an exhibition game ending in a tie.

As we prep for the season, let me just thank you all for your readership and say that I appreciate the concerns over my lack of blogging. I’m not dead. Let me remind you that: 1) I don’t blog just to blog. If it ain’t news, it ain’t goin in here, and 2) If you want up-to-the-minute bullshit, go on twitter (@metsblowtweets for starters) or something. Everyone in this stupid world wants to be first. First to break a story. First to tweet that some dude did something wrong or whatever. Well remember that we here at Metsblow take pride in going last. We do things at our own pace. We actually take time to THINK, weigh opinions, and deliver the real news. LGM, LGMB