Cespedes. We did it. He did it. He’s Jesus. Pray for him. We’re the best. The pitching staff is now in a race for first to 20 wins. We have depth. We have it all. We have team solidarity. We have happiness. Rejoice and pray. The Mets, as of this moment, do not blow.
The walkout is off. The fan outcry from Metsblow Nation worked. We did it. I am ALL IN. I’m going to go to formal events in my new Cespedes jersey and a neon green sleeve.
The Mets have agreed to terms with lefty reliever Antonio Bastardo. The deal will be for $12 million over two years. Great deal. The bullpen is mediocre again! We replaced Clip.
Bastardo, 30, posted a 2.98 ERA and 1.13 WHIP last season for the Pirates while striking out 64 batters in 57 1/3 innings.
The Mets announced that they are now completely out of money. Enjoy this signing, Metsblow nation, because this is likely all we’re going to get. This is the peripeteia. This is that small reversal of fortune where we can feel good about our team for a minute before the Nats sign Cespedes. Here it comes. Can you feel it? Can you feel the Nats getting our #3 hitter from the World Series? They already took our cleanup hitter.
At least we get to yell, “bastardo!” all season long like it’s Spanish Game of Thrones. They call him Señor Nieve. Or maybe it was yelled best by that greasy dude from Titanic.