Ray Ramirez Will Haunt Us For-Eh-Vurr

“Oh, you’re fine.” -Ramirez to Wright in 2010.

Ramirez fired. What does it mean? Nothing. Stop celebrating. It’s too late. We’re already dead. You think this means Harvey and Matz are coming back? You think this means Wright is coming back? Yo? Conforto?! It’s all over. METS-AIDS comes from the Jewpons. All that’s left to do is pray that the Yankees lose. That’s a successful season for any intelligent Mets fan.

P.S. Now that he’s been fired, will he release the incriminating photos that he’s been using to blackmail the Jewpons for the past decade? Smart money is on a pic of Fred wearing a Hitler costume. Many also betting on Jeff and Fred involved in some kind of Carcosa/True Detective-type ritualistic rape/sacrifice of a 9-year-old.

This Isn’t News: Wright is Dead


Uhhhh…so? How fucking fast asleep are you people? I told you guys he was dead years ago. You actually bought Opening Day tickets expecting to see Wright at 3rd base? Hey, maybe he’ll be there to shorthop balls to 1st that Duda can’t scoop. Oh, wait, Duda is dead, too. 

Should we have traded the farm for Arenado? Absolutely. But it’s too late for that. Pray for Reyes’ health. Anyone who thought Wright would be playing 3B this year is a fucking invalid just like David is. Grow up, kids. Captain America has been dead for years. We love him. All-time Mets great. But holy shit, focus on 2017. We don’t really have a backup for the injury-prone Reyes. Wilmer? Ha! I’d rather see Wright out there with a broken spine. He’d still be quicker to the ball than Wilmer. Mets blow. 

David Wright is Dead

Backiotomy

David Wright said he feels great, his back is feeling is great, and the only real hurdle left to clear is throwing a baseball.

Someone remind me. I’m a little confused. I’m still a little comatose after the WC game. It’s been a dark Winter. I’ve lost my faculties. I am SO SORRY to bother you but PLEASE REMIND ME BECAUSE I FUCKING FORGOT: Is throwing a baseball important? Is that a thing? Is that like…maybe something you’ll have to do if you play 3rd base?

Alderson is saying Wright is still the starter and can hopefully play for the entire season. Why lie about this? Just say that Reyes is probably gonna be the guy. Stop lying. Stop treating the Cap’n with kid gloves. You failed to get Arenado (you should trade the farm for him…including Conforto) but Reyes can do the job. Just stop fucking lying. David Wright is dead.

Hey, why not start Wright at 1st? Duda’s dead, too. Oh, I see Bruce is taking reps there. I guess we’re full!

David Wright Should Finish His Career in Philly

wright phillyMets 5, Phils 2

I guess we’d all love to hit at Baby Park. Good for Wright. Good for everyone. Dingers! Dingers! Dingers! Keep piling ’em on. I still think Asdrubal should hit 2nd. He notched 3 more hits today. I love Wright. Don’t get me wrong. What’s not to love? He even made a nice play today (that didn’t require a throw with lots of zip). I hope he proves me wrong, but realistically, unless he’s going to be a selfish douche insecure bitch “Face of the Franchise” like Jeter was, he’s going to have to move down in the order at some point. Prove me wrong! Don’t die!

Nobody let Thor eat a damn sandwich ever again! Jeez, ever since #sandwichgate, Thor has torn it up. He’s really blossoming. That Thor’s so hot right now.

This game was too close for too long. Eickhoff? Really!?

Hey, while everybody is going apeshit over Daniel Murphy’s hot start, ask yourselves: Who is leading the Mets in HRs? Neil Walker, baby. Who is playing adequate defense? Neil Walker, baby. We all know Murphy is great. It really shouldn’t surprise anyone that he’ll hit .300 with Harper behind him. .415 is pretty damn surprising, and if the season ends with him batting .350, then yeah, I’ll be surprised. But hey, the Nats paid him. I don’t know why everyone is going apeshit. He plays Murphyball. We all know about the .400 hitting Murphy. That’s the same Murphy who runs the bases like shit and boots routine plays. And we still like him! Because he can be a +2. We know this. 2015 NLCS MVP kaboom Jesus. He’s a good pleeeyer. Move on.

Murphy leads the NL in batting average. Who is in 2nd place? Angel Pagan. We know he was damn good, too! At least Neil “full fledged Major Leaguer” Walker replaced Murph. Pagan got replaced by Andres Torres. OOPS! 5 years later, Pagan is still good but I’ll take Conforto-Cespedes-Grandy. Good players on good teams, all around.

 

The Mets Listened To Me, As They Should

Ow, my spine.
Ow, my spine.

Mets 5, Rockies 1

I told the Mets they need to pitch better. I TOOOOLD them to do that. Nice job, Verrett. He’ll likely start again next NEXT time Thor has a road start. You’re the new Gee. You even have his number. Man does the organization fucking hate Gee, or what? Don’t you think he’d be good in the pen? No?

Sweeping the doodoo Rockies was huge. The Rockies have single-handedly put us in this glorious position by beating the Nats and getting hammered by us. The story on Sunday was a familiar one: Elite pitching and enough hitting. That’s the formula, and Cespedes is the impact bat that makes the whole team go. Collins is dumb for batting him 2nd. But no matter where he bats, even when he goes 0 for 3, he changes the pitches thrown to everyone else. Murph is getting so many more fat fastballs and I love it. But Hale, the Rockies’ starter, was horrendous. He threw two wild pitches to RECKER! And they both let a run come in. Recker! He was scared of Recker!? Nah, he just missed his spots by a mile because he’s terrible. The Rockies are terrible. Good job on the sweep.

Now we’ve got to take at least 3 out 4 on the road against Philly. It’s another bad team, though since the ASG, the Marlins have been worse. The Phillies are better without Hamels and Utley for some reason–mainly because they’ve brought up some talented prospects. Either way, this is a last place team and you know what else…

David Wright is BACK! Now you get the photo at the top of the article. He’s baaaaack. What’s the O/U on games played before injuring himself again? 3.5? Will he even make it out of Philly? Stay tuned!

Get The Fuck Out of My Face With David Wright Talk

Ow, my spine.
Ow, my spine.
GM Sandy “Pinocchio Ass Nigga” Alderson lied again about David Wright today. Or wait, he didn’t lie. He just said that Wright COULD be back by the all-star break. Yeah, and he COULD be back by May 15th. And Jesus COULD rise up and tell the people to kill all the Jews and Muslims, but it ain’t gonna happen.

This is another completely transparent move by those Jew fuckhead Wilpons. They’re not gonna spend a time. They expect us to hold out and hope for David Wright? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. Sell the team. Fuck you. Even if Wright was fully healthy, you STILL GO OUT and get someone. Our depth is paper thin. We resigned Kirk for fucks sake. I hate you, Jeff Wilpon. I wouldn’t let you in my house in the pouring rain. Get out. You’re an awful person. This isn’t a lighthearted roast. I don’t do Metsblow in jest. I truly hate you. You are awful. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and only you.