Mets.com Reports “Mets Get Bruce For 2 Prospects”

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WOOOOOOW did y’all get hoodwinked!!

2 prospects? You mean 2 prospects including mediocre 1st round prospect Nimmo? OOOOOOH WAIT! Gotta love how they get the media to spin it. Every damn time.

The Reds bait & switched for Dilson and y’all took it!! FUCKING EGG ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FACES YOU STUPID JEWS!! No cheese with those eggs.

Pray for Jay. He’s just what we need: an all or nothing type! We only have 12 of those on the team so far.

Dilson ain’t like the 2nd coming or anything. But he could’ve very well been the long term the solution at 2B. Walker is gonna walk after this season. Reyes to 2B? Flores? Real Grease Cecchini? What the fuck?

 

Merry Fucking Christmas You Jew Fagoats

  

That’s an old photo of Murph as Santa with fellow ex-Mets Jon Niese and Justin Turner before he became Turnersbane of House Redbeard (re: roided up).

The Wilpons are Jew fagoats and they remind us on Christmas that we may need to kill them. Murph signed with the Nats for 3/37.5 hahaha what a fucking bargain. We knew we wouldn’t sign him, but when actually looking at the price tag and the team he signed with, it’s infuriating.

Also to all the shill bitch media: stop telling me how I feel. Stop saying I’m shocked. Stop saying that it’s not a surprise that we’re not going to sign Cespedes and that we asked him if he’d consider a two-year deal and his agent laughed and hung up. I’m not shocked!! I’m just fucking angry!! Stop acting like we’re stupid.

This entire website exists because of how not shocked I am. This website exists because a lazy asshole like me thought that making a site focused on Mets blunders and front office Jewfagoatery would be the easiest job in the world and the thing would write itself. And it fucking does. We made the fucking World Series and it still manages to be cake to write.

But we have a real job to do. Other than going to the House of Black and White, we have a list of demands. I wrote it a few (2, maybe?) articles back. They have some more time, but we need to start preparing to protest and force the Wilpons out like Frank McCourt was. They haven’t officially Jewed out of the offseason yet. They have time…hell, Cespedes is still out there. Other talented guys, too.

No Cespedes on Festivus. No Murph on Christmas (he loves his sweet lord baby Jesus but not in a queer way). Our demands have not yet been met. 

Will the Jewpons Jew Out?

Must sign. MUST SIGN.
Must sign. MUST SIGN.

The Royals won the World Series. Good for them. We blew it. Our poor defense got EXPOSED. We blew it more than they won it. Experience is everything and they had it but now we have it.

We can actually be excited for next season. Pray for some luck. Pray for health. Pray for our ELITE young pitching (both the rotation and the closer).

Pray the Jewpons don’t Jew out. We MUST SIGN Cespedes. Everyone knows he was the catalyst. He was the lightning that brought Frankenstein’s monster to life. We need him the most. If the Wilpons can’t/don’t sign him, they shouldn’t be owners anymore.

We also need Zobrist. We also need Reynolds and Herrera to be good next year, but that’s not a signing. We need Uribe and Jelly. We have to sure up the fucking defense.

It’s bittersweet. I wanted the chip so badly. But we actually do have a shot. We have a window. Sandy Alderson knows this, and should be able to explain it in terms that Baby Jeffy can understand. “Look at all the t-shirts and expensive tickets people bought in the playoffs.” But I don’t rely on him to understand anything.

It’s super hard to win. We could be the ’90s Braves with our rotation. They made the playoffs a whole bunch but only won it all once. Well, 1 is a whole lot fucking better than 0! The point is to get to the postseason and you’ve got a shot. Sign Cespedes and we’re likely to win ~96 games next year.

Cespedes will have to work on it in the offseason, but he’s our CF. Pray for the signing. Pray the Jewpons don’t Jew out. Sure up the pen, sure up the infield defense, and pray.

I’m Done (Part 2)

Padres 8, Mets 7

Hey, let’s all get hyped up for the Nats! We got Gomez! Just gotta brush aside the Padres aaaaand…

Nope to both.

Legitimately the cruelest 24 hours in Mets history.

The Wilpons won’t be punished because the rich elites of the world live by different rules. The Jew fucking snake liars! Laughing and lying! Gomez went to the Astros. He’s completely fine. It’s all financial issues. Until they sell the team, I’m done.

And don’t get me started on the umpires cheating. They cheated. They stole that win from us. Calling a delay with 1 out left (and a strike on the hitter!) is the biggest load of horseshit I’ve ever seen since I saw the Mets talking about Gomez’s health report.

I’m done. I can’t talk about it anymore.

The Mets have until 4pm to get Jay Bruce or something or I’m done and we should all be done. We must boycott. We must kill baby Jeffy. We must do something. 

I’m Done (Part 1)

I’m done. We should all be done until the Wilpons are ousted. Full story coming soon, but I’m really done. This has been the craziest 24hrs ever and the only reason anyone would stick around is due to battered spouse syndrome. Don’t be a victim. Be done.

Part 2 coming soon. Too done to think right now. 

Get Your Blood Boiling With This True Story About the Wilpons

A most punchable face.

So here at Metsblow, we like to make things up and use hyperbole to illustrate our justified concerns about the Wilpons. The following contains none of that. It is simply a story passed along to me by someone who has inside information at St. John’s University.

Chris Mullin is the new St. John’s coach, so the Yankees offered to have him throw out the first pitch at a game. Fine.

The Mets/Wilpons heard about it and made Mullin an offer as well: Throw out the 1st pitch, but only if you either

A) Buy 500 mets tickets and bring a bunch of St. John’s students out to a game

Or

B) Throw out the first pitch 1 day before the Yankees first pitch

JOOZ! Fucking Jooz!! I hate them so much. I wouldn’t let them into my home if they were crying/starving/seeking asylum. Someone hire a Faceless Man to give them the gift.

Citi Perks = Mets Opening Up a Casino

Gambling! Casino! Gamble! Gamble! Drink! Tits! Tits! Gamble! Money! Mets! Tickets! Gamble! Gamble!! ...please gamble responsibly.
Gambling! Casino! Gamble! Gamble! Drink! Tits! Tits! Gamble! Money! Mets! Tickets! Gamble! Gamble!!
…please gamble responsibly.

So obviously the Mets moved their AAA team from Norfolk, VA (where David Wright and Michael Cuddyer grew up) to Las Vegas, NV because of gambling. That’s cool. I get it. You want your young, promising athletes to get used the bright lights, p-tutes, and losing all their money in some Mets-related fiasco.

But now, Shittifield and the Mets are straight up running a lottery scam. In a transparent move to sell more tickets, the Mets have started “Citi Perks.” Basically, Shittiperks means you buy tickets, and maybe you’ll win some kind of lottery. Some kid got to throw out the first pitch the other day, which is a cool perk. So is winning the lotto. It’s a great perk.

The lotto costs $1 and you can win millions. The odds are astronomically against you. The Shittiperks lotto, I imagine, is pretty stacked against you, but at least you get a ticket to see at least one Mets player get injured.

The worst part? The lackeys at Metsblog are pitching it hard: Mets fans certainly have a lot to be excited about when coming out to Citi Field these days, and now thanks to Citi, there are sure to be a few more surprises coming their way. 

Thanks, Metsblog. They are surely the bipartisan journalists that we need. Knowing the Jewpons, I can’t imagine they paid you that much to sell your journalistic integrity. I hope it was worth it, you fucking lackeys.

P.S. They should be taking bets on who gets injured next. The way Duda is raking, it’s likely him. Mets fans aren’t supposed to have such nice things.

The Wilpons Are Firing Security Guards to Pinch Pennies

The New York Mets dramatically cut security staff at Citi Field in recent years despite concerns the moves would lead to increased response times for emergencies and fights as well as longer wait times at ticket gates, internal documents show. 

Well, first of all, fuck rent-a-cops and fuck regular cops and whatnot, but wow. I was not able to get stats on how many security guards they had in 2009 as compared to now. I was not able to get stats comparing their current security team to other stadiums and vfenues that hold roughly 40,000 people.

As Matt “Faggot” (Leo DiCaprio’s words, not mine!) Cerrone said, “real fans go to the game…and wait an hour to get in! And get mugged!”

This means two things: First, nobody is coming so we don’t need people to pat fans down. Second, when it comes to fan safety, the Wilpons are going with the Ivan Drago approach: If he dies, he dies.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Metsblow is the easiest gig in town because it WRITES ITSELF. I could hire an intern to copy & paste the articles from Metsblog, add “lol” at the end, and that would work perfectly every time.

Zack Wheeler Injured Etc.

Just copy & paste my last article and then find & replace “Vic Black” with “Zack Wheeler” and boom, done. Metsblow.

Here’s a new insight I’ve had in the last five minutes as I read the same shit about injuries and downplaying them: When Carlos Beltran got injured, the Mets tried to downplay it. Beltran saw his own doctor for a second opinion, and that doctor said the injury was more severe than what the Jewpons’ doctor said. Then the Mets’ Media and everyone else in the Jewpons’ deep, Ponzi scheme pockets turned Beltran into a pariah. Hmmmm.

Black Had an MRI on His Shoulder but Don’t Worry! It’s Totally OK!

Vic Black underwent an MRI on his throwing shoulder, the team said.

Sandy Alderson said it was a precautionary scan and Black’s issue is likely shoulder tendinitis.

The MRI showed no structural damage. The Mets are calling it shoulder weakness and Black is listed as day-to-day.

Where have I heard this all before? Hmmmm, oh yeah! David Wright! Captain America! They said he was having shoulder weakness! No big deal! Except that he only hit 8 home runs and had his worst season ever last year, playing with a bad shoulder injury for practically the entire time.

And oh yeah, with Jose Reyes! They said no problem, just day-to-day!

Hey, didn’t I write about Reyes yesterday!? Oh yeah! I did! In regards to the Mets saying Josh Edgin was totally fine and day-to-day! No big deal, except that he’s probably going to have TJ surgery and miss the entire season.

ALL ABOARD THE INJURY EXPRESS! The 7 Train! Straight from Shea Shittyfield to Dr. James Andrews’ beach paradise & rehab facility.

I know everyone gets injured and that’s just sports, but do the Mets get injured more? Maybe. Does the Mets Media lie about it more? Yes. Do the Wilpons skimp on medicine and care costs? Yes.

P.S. I think Shittyfield is a gorgeous park. The only things shitty about it are the name (didn’t we bail your fuckin asses out?) and the team playing on it.