mets

Mexicans and Players From Other Mexicos Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Play During Shortened Season

metsblow, , 1 Comment
luiscastillo
Players like Luis Castillo wouldn’t be allowed to play under proposed guidelines for 2020 season

With the coronavirus raging in the states that border dirty nasty shithole countries, after raging in dirty nasty shithole cities up North that have long been infiltrated, MLB is going to come back. That means great news for everybody who loves to watch the Mets lose, because there’s sure going to be a lot of that coming up. Something intriguing I’ve seen from some very good people–some of the best people–is that the Mexicos are having yuge covid problems. And if the libtards hadn’t kept us from getting the wall up in time, we would be down to zero cases by now. So with that, some experts are saying that MLB should only come back if we keep those potentially contaminated players out. It makes a lot of sense to stable geniuses such as myself, and I look forward to hearing more about this. It seems like some of the best players–and I’ve spoken with them, and these are good people–agree that the season would be safer this way. And wearing masks simply isn’t an option, since masks look totally gay. We need to get back to playing immediately. Sports are the rewards of a stable, healthy, productive society. And there’s really no place more stable and safe than the U.S.A. Except for the illegals. So let’s keep it legal, keep it safe, and play ball! Good thing there aren’t any teams in New Mexico. I can’t believe we allowed them a state.

P.S. There’s a reason why prominent Astros players like Altuve, Correa, and Beltran are in such deep shit and the Yankees aren’t. We all know what it is. The Astros’ cheating was worse because they’re from the Mexicos. The Yankees players–who lambasted the Astros before being caught themselves–are held to lesser standards because they’re here legally.

P.P.S. What’s the status of Alonso? I don’t like that vowel at the end there. Somebody’s gonna have to check his birth certificate. Also please fudge it if he’s Mexican cuz I really don’t want him to get deported. He can stay with his American friend Jonas Lawn.

Mets Are the Softest and I Hate Everyone

metsblow, Leave a comment
beltranhill
What a catch

Mets make the softest, faggiest decision ever. Beltran stepping down. They suck. They all suck.

Somehow this all feels like the media pushing to coverup the real story of the week: Derek Jeter got sued by a minor leaguer for being blocked from getting called up. Media doing everything they can to bury the story and protect their golden boy.

The Mets let go of their manager AFTER the league officially stated that no player from the Astros team would be punished. Sooooo….basically the Mets care what the media thinks? The Mets care what the fucking Daily News thinks? This entire website is based on the fact that the media sux dix. Never thought it was this bad. This is the softest thing I’ve ever seen a franchise do.

This is a curveball of epic proportions to what was looking like a promising 2020. I’ve never seen a curveball like this. The Mets have never been fooled so badly and just completely buckled by a curveball. Wait…

Oh and yes, I used a nice picture of a happy Beltran moment instead of the Wainwright curveball. Memories. All alone in the moonlight.

P.S. Beltran was on the Yankees (front office) for the past 2 years. Ummmm…where’s the outcry?

Is This The Worst Mets Team Ever?

metsblow, , , , Leave a comment

callaway
“My bad, my bad. That last one [50] was on me.” -Mickey Moron
HERE HE COMES TO WRECK THE DAAAAAAAY. Even Lugo is dead now. He’s wrecked every pen arm.

So the Phillies just tied it up. I’m not gonna wait to post this article. Win or lose, it’s already a completely lost day, week, month, season, life.

The question posed in the title is not about their record. We’ll probably win some games this season (if Mickey gets fired), but the reason for the question is: have we ever had talent like this? Forget RoY, Alonso is in the running for the MVP at this pernt. McNeil is the best hitter since Boggs. deGrom (and his losing record) must want off this team so badly. I think this is the worst Mets team ever in terms of wasted potential. These are the best players we’ve ever had and we’re still losing. It’s amazin’. Bullpen has money on the other team every night, mayhaps? Or Mickey has just blasted their arms into dust? Or Jeffy won’t pay anyone good? Brodie only does insider deals with CAA clients? All of the above?

No team has lost 5 games in a row when leading by 2+ runs in each of them since…THE METS! A decade ago!

“Wes Craven’s Groundhog Day.” -Keith. Well said, Mex.

Oops, I couldn’t finish writing this in time to post before the Phillies completed the comeback. Mets lose. Mets swept. Mets blow.

 

 

If You’re Gonna Concuss Someone, At Least Catch the Fuckin’ Ball

metsblow, , , Leave a comment
confortoconcussed.jpeg
Things that got DROPPED: First the ball, then Conforto

Mets looooose. Let’s break it down:

Sanchez, the Nats’ starter, died. In like the 2nd inning? And the Nats have a terrible bullpen! Maybe we won’t lose! Wheeler only gave up 4 runs in the first inning. That should be surmountable.

Whoa! We scored 4! Go Conforto Go! Big dinger!

Damn, Wheeler really got done up. Nats have his number. We’re losing again. We’re definitely going to lose.

The Nats are bad. REALLY BAD. Not for the whole season, but RIGHT NOW IN THIS SERIES THEY ARE BAD. They can’t turn a dp for shit. Worst bullpen in the league. And we still lost 2 out of 3. No Scherzer. No Strasburg. No Turner. We’ll never get an opportunity like this against the Nats again. Blown. Blooooown.

McNeil injured. We’re fooked. Ab tightness. I guess it’s beach season.

Conforto got fucking DROPPED by Cano. He’s dead. Concussed. Dead. Whatever. Nice collision. Oh and nobody caught the ball. Oh and that easy pop-up became a double. Oh and he scored. Oh and we lost by 1 run. Oh. Oh. Blow.

We never had a fucking chance with today’s lineup.

I know we don’t have a 3rd catcher, but if anyone with even halfway decent speed pinch ran for Ramos, we would’ve tied it up. Callaway could’ve been creative. Have deGrom run. Or have Broxton run and have deGrom (or Thor or Matz) PH there or something. Do anything but what you did. This isn’t hindsight, either. I was screaming at the TV.

What a game. Mets blow.

Doin’ A Little Flexen

metsblow, , , , , Leave a comment
New York Mets v Cincinnati Reds
Flexen got sent down as I prepared this article

 

Crybaby faggots will blame umpire Angel Hernandez. He’s a Mexican bitch who should be deported. We all know this. This isn’t new. He’s been terrible for decades. He’s consistently referred to as “terrible” by MLB players, coaches, and fans. He shrunk the strike zone in the 18th inning when we had a lead for fucks sake. I’m not here to apologize for Angel Hernandez, who is a filthy, dirty Mexican who should be deported. I’m a big “deport Angel Hernandez” guy. We all are. That’s all well and good.

I’m also not here to give the Brewers any credit. They are terrible. Ryan Jew Braun is a pipsqueak without the hard juicing and of course is one of the biggest faggots of all time because he screamed, “VINDICATED!!!!” when MLB screwed up his drug test and changed the + to a -, only for his next drug test to be + six months later. He couldn’t quietly take the W. He cheated on his roids test, passed, and then roid raged out about how unfair it was that he got tested. Then, he failed his next test when they wouldn’t let him cheat again. Amazing. The delusion. Amazing. As delusional as Jews who still think the Holocaust happened. Again, the Brewers deserve no credit. It took them 2 whole innings to score on Flexen. That’s terrible. That’s 2 innings longer than it should take. The fact that it took the Brewers 18 innings to beat the Mets with Rosario making 3 errors and an umpire who was cheating on your behalf is next level doodoo. Brewers: you are terrible without Yelich.

But let’s do a little Flexen, here. Been hittin the Nautilus room. Do a little Flexen, give the fans a show. Flexen got sent down, thankfully, as I prepared this article. Of course, they’ll excuse it as “after 18 innings, we need fresh arms for the bullpen” because we need to protect the fragile egos of soft pussy ass professional athletes, nowadays. I’ve got nothing against the guy. He looks like a good guy. Probably loves his mom. Probably loves Jesus. All good things. But you’re terrible. Goodbye. Don’t come back. Rosario? You’re terrible, too. You also need to be sent down. I hope you figure it out and come back but it’s probably not gonna happen ’cause you’re terrible. Gimenez time! Maybe we can trade Rosario. Any team need a guy who makes 3 errors per game?

P.S. Special thanks to the Mets for giving 2 full games worth of blow in 1. Usually you have to pay double for that kind of action. Worst game in Mets history? Possibly. Gotta love all the pitchers complaining about juiced baseballs this season and yet we haven’t scored in fucking FOREVER. We’ve got like, what, 5 runs in the last 45 innings? And one was a homer by a pitcher? Mets blooooooow.

P.P.S. When the Mets took a 3-2 lead in the top of the 18th, with Flexen set to come back for his 2nd inning of work in the bottom half, it’s moments like that that you NEED a bookie on call at all times. Statistically, you’re bound to get good odds betting against a team that is leading in the middle of the 18th. The outcome was the LOCK OF THE FUCKING CENTURY.

Cespedes Injured 1 Day After Being Activated and I’m Dead From the Lolz

metsblow, , Leave a comment

achilles.jpg
[Footage of Yo’s foot]
I’m ded. Legit ded from the lolz. Is this the most Metsian thing of all time? Ray Ramirez’s ghost also re-deaded from the lolz? Truly hilarious.

Cespedes came back from the DL yesterday, hit a (Yankee Stadium baby bitch) dinger, said, “my heels kinda hurt,” and OOPS he’s out for 10 months. Surgery time! No joke, Callaway said, “I didn’t know he said that” when asked about it. Real quote. The awareness!

Perhaps even funnier: he might not get the surgery right away. The Mets might opt to have him play. UNFUCKINGREAL. Because we’re so competitive this year? I dunno what the fuck will happen from here but let me take some wild guesses: 1) the Mets will fuck this up worse and Cespedes will never be healthy as a Met ever again, and 2) the Mets will lose a shitload of games. Whoa, call me Nostradamus.

P.S. I can hit a home run in Yankee baby bitch stadium. Lock. It’s the dumbest stadium ever. Wes Mantooth is assuredly pissed and wants the Yankees to stop hiding behind those phony numbers. Remember when Grandy hit like 50 dingers there? Yeesh. Judge and Stanton not having 80 each is sad for them.

The Mets Haven’t Lost in 4 Days

metsblow, , 2 Comments
The answer my friend, is blowin in the wind

Welcome to the 2nd half of what many are calling the greatest Mets season since 1962. Will we lose 100 games? Could we be more lovable? I say yes to the first, no to the second. I love this team. Absolutely fucking love it. From where there was once pain, now there is only emptiness. And that emptiness is mystical. Do you know how much it would suck if I cared? What’s that stage of torture called when you stop feeling it? Did I make that up? After all your appendages are cut off, there’s nothing left to cut. Feels great!

So are the Mets gonna trade deGrom? Or Thor? Remember when they could’ve traded Harvey? Well, why do what the Cubs and Astros did? It’s not like blowing up the team and rebuilding worked for them. I mean, they barely each won a world series. BARELY. Took both of em 7 games. Pathetic.

So the Jewpons can’t see into the future but can they see the present? Their argument of, “we can’t trade deGrom because he’s the only player that puts asses in the seats and we’re still crippled from Madoff and we need to make money this season” is inaccurate, right? I wouldn’t know, but are people really going to games? People go to deGrom games? I feel like real deGrom fans should want him traded. I sure do. He deserves so much better. I love deGrom. He’s got the stuff and he’s a fuckin role model. Genuine. Wonderful. Way too fucking good for this team. Hopefully he doesn’t go to the Yankees but they’ve got plenty of farm talent. deGrom for Gaybar and some prospects. Gotta do it, right? I hear he might go to the Cubs. WHATEVER. It doesn’t matter. Even if he is Sandy Koufax good (he is), he’s still completely apexing RIGHT NOW. His value will never be higher and our need will never be bigger. Scratch that, we’ll always need something because we’ll always blow.

Scratch this whole article. Even if we get Gaybar or ANYONE, it doesn’t matter. We’ll screw it up. Any great farm talent will be taken out back and shot in due time. Nothing will change until the Jewpons’ horns are shaved and their throats cut. Not caring is great. Why is anyone going to the games? The best way to stick it to the owners is to boycott.

P.S. I hear Yo is back. TIME TO TURN THIS TEAM AROUND!! We’re only about 70 games out with 70 games left!

P.P.S. How the fuck has Familia not been traded yet?

P.P.P.S. The Mets play the Yankees this weekend. Welcome to our World Series 2018. Thor & deGrom pitch this series. Let’s see how we blow it for em.

P.P.P.P.S. How many Jewpons does it take to trade Thor and give the Mets a fighting chance in 2020? The answer is 2. 2 to die in the Holocaust and then give sole ownership rights to me so I can make the damn trade.

Syndergaard’s Dead

metsblow, , Leave a comment
image1 (1)
He dead, yo.

Syndergaard’s on the DL. Yo we know is already dead. Conforto already missed a month and is always one swing away from popping that shoulder back out. Even deGrom has missed starts. And when he starts, he’ll let up 1 run or fewer and leave with a no-decision and the Mets will lose late, anyway.

It was never Ray Ramirez. Well, it was, but not ONLY him. It has always been the Wilpons. We should all hold hands outside of Citifield and one-by-one kill ourselves until the Wilpons agree to sell. It’s the only way. Actually, fuck killing ourselves. Somebody hire a Faceless Man to give Jeff Wilpon a gift.

Let’s take bets. Thor’s on the 10-day DL. How many days until he pitches again? 10 days? 10 weeks? 10 years? The answer is NEVER AGAIN in a Mets uniform. He will not heal until he’s got those Yankee pinstripes on. Then it’ll be Cy Young after Cy Young after championship after championship. Actually, he prolly won’t win the Cy Young because deGrom (also a Yankee) will.

Please trade them. Please trade them. Please trade them. Not because they’re hurt. Not because we’ll get good prospects in return (because we all know we’ll just fuck their careers up, too). Please trade them because I like them. I want deGrom to get wins. I want Thor to throw a baseball again. It won’t happen on the Mets. Fuck the Mets. I want my guys to be happy. I’d rather them be happy on another team (preferably somewhere far away like Seattle) than stuck here in this Jew desert wandering astray forever.

 

The Mets Didn’t Trade Harvey for Arenado

metsblow, , , 2 Comments
pjimage
Ooooops!

So obviously the ship has been completely straightened out after beating the worst team in the majors by 1 run last night and hitting a few dingdongs in the smallest park outside of baby bitch Yankee Stadium. But still, we need to address this past weekend:

Nolan Arenado and the Rockies swept the Mets in Queens (after the Mets had already lost about fifty in a row). Arenado hit about 8 home runs and made slick play after slick play. He was the star of the weekend while Matt Harvey got DFA’d. For those unfamiliar with the term, DFA stands for “Designated For Assignment” which is a nice way of saying that he got cut. DFA also stands for Double Fucked Anally, which is also apt. DFA aaalllso stands for Dairy Farmers of America, which wouldn’t normally be relevant except for the fact that Cespedes has a farm because he’s a boss like that.

Somewhere around 3~4 years ago, when #HarveyDay was reminding people of Doc Gooden, Nolan Arenado was being shopped around by the Rockies. Would a direct 1-for-1 trade have happened? Probably. Would a package deal involving Harvey and a couple of scrubs like D’Arnaud have happened? Definitely. I remember being bombarded by hopeful Mets fans (sad) after I said we should trade him. “BUT WAIT! Harvey is the CHOSEN ONE! Can’t do it!” What team do you even root for? Even the Mets’ brass themselves mentioned that there was no need for a 3rd baseman. Ah, of course! We have David Wright! 3rd base is FULL!!! Cut to 2018, Arenado has led the majors in awesomeness for the past 3 years (check the stats…he’s got more ribeyes than anyone, and that’s just the start of it) while Harvey has been cut (still reminding us of Doc Gooden!), Wright has been dead forever, and the rest of us have all been DFA’d over and over again. Meet the Mets! Greet the Mets! One helluva history of could’ve-beens with guys named Nolan.

P.S. The Mets are fully to blame for all of this. Doc Gooden–at 19 years old–was given the keys to the fucking NYC castle. What the fuck did you think was going to happen? Then the Jew media spun things to make it look like Doc was some asshole who hurt his teammates and hurt himself. This city swallows people up! Fast forward to now, and it’s the same fucking thing. Maybe take some fucking accountability for your stud young players. They’re kids blowing the fuck up waaay too quickly in the fastest city in the world. It’s not on them. Help them grow one time for me. See the pattern. Or better yet, trade them.

P.P.S. If we’re really gonna come full circle with the Doc Gooden analogy, get ready for Harvey to throw a no-hitter in pinstripes next year. Sad for my team and me.

Best Start in Franchise History? Let’s Celebrate Like We Won the World Series!

metsblow, , , Leave a comment
jump
Hooray! We did it! We won the championship!

9-1! 9-1! End the fucking season before everyone gets hurt! Give us the trophyyyy!!

Has anyone here in Metsie LaLa Dicksuck Land read The Tortoise & The Hare? Has anyone here read the Mets’ unabridged franchise history? Has anyone here read a book? Ever? A fucking book with words? It doesn’t seem like anyone has, because everyone’s acting like a fucking illiterate Mexican retard. (Sorry, Keith).

9-1 ain’t shit, you fucks. Yeah, it’s better than 1-9. Sure. Great. Grand. Wonderful. Callaway is swingin’ dick. I like it. Yo is playing through a fever. I love it. Conforto is one swing away from ripping his shoulder out. Ya gotta love it.

Hey guys, we’re in first place less than 1/16th of the way through the season. Let’s sip some fucking mai tais and ball the fuck out because THIS. SHIT. IS. IN. THE. BAG! To be fair, the team looks gritty and focused. This is more a knock on the fans. What fucking franchise do you follow!? Oh my god, people love hype. People LOOOOOVE hype. The crazy mob mentality is maddening. This is how Madison Av controls your fucking mind. They build a fever pitch out of nothing, get you all screaming for some bullshit, then you buy the product or burn the witch or do whatever it is your feeble fucking brains are being told to do, and then they push something new on you. Right now, the Mets are hot. Yes, red hot. Wow. Score. Book your World Series tickets now! Give the Wilpons some money! The dynasty is ON!!!

This shit’s a marathon, not a sprint. Also, even sprints are longer than this. This has been a 20yd dash so far. Good start. Let’s see what hats these bandwagoning fajits are wearing after the Mets lose a few in a row.