Murph’s GS Was Soooo Scripted

Memba this guy? Memba the 2015 playoffs? I memba!

Lock of the century. Bases juiced. I wish I had an easily accessible bookie. I would’ve got the parlay, too, with the Zimmerman K preceding it. 

Walker also hit a dinger. And Murph made bad plays at 2nd. So pretty much par for the course. Without Yo, there’s no reason to watch. Conforto should start in center when Yo returns (pray). Bruce in RF. Oh wait, Duda is dead soooo I guess Bruce at 1st? Conforto at 1st? One of em in RF and one of em at 1st? It doesn’t matter because the Mets blow? 

Let’s Trade BruceĀ 

Two laser dingers at Citi? Nah, he can’t handle New York. One was a game winner? He’s just not cut out for the pressure situations. 

Meanwhile, the Mets pen blew another big lead late. Oooops. They’re going for the world record. Charged to the starter, but the inherited runner was a 100% lock to score and tie the game. Let’s trade Bruce for a mediocre at best reliever! Bring in another bum! It’s obvious Bruce can’t handle NY. 

Why Blame Jose?

“Dropped popup” in Spanish? “Mendoza line?”

Don’t blame Jose. He’s not a 3rd baseman, he’s a wifebeater–errr, shortstop. Blame the bullpen for letting the wheels fall off? Nah, they’ll be better once the wifebeater–errr, closer, returns. Hilarious extra innings final score, though. 

The dropped popup was bad but why were we in that position? We should’ve been up by 10. We obsess over highlights and lowlights and love microscopic spotlights. Bill Buckner. Did he fuck up? You bet. But the Sox had that game won. Don’t forget the 9th inning rally. Don’t forget Mookie’s dance. Don’t forget that the Sox built a roster for their racist town and could’ve been better from the get-go. 

I ain’t gonna scapegoat Jose. The wifebeating? Cultural! The lack of hitting? Cultural! The truth is that the Mets didn’t hit for shit against the PHILLIES and their last place staff. Jose is a part of that. Good thing Wright will be back soon! It hurt my back to laugh at that sentence. 

The Worst Series I Have Ever Seen

Congrats to the Mets on not getting no-no’d. The Mets got MOWED DOWN by Fins’ scrubs all weekend. Thor, deGrom, Harvey…all pitched very well…but…the Mets couldn’t hit shit off of bums. That’s really what the series came down to. That and the fact that we’re conceding April to keep our rotation healthy.

So all 4 games were terrible and lifeless. We managed to win one. So my prediction that we’d get swept was wrong. But after those brutal Fri/Sat losses, you couldn’t script a worse way to lose yesterday. Practically no hit. Dead as fuck. A miraculous 9th inning comeback and then immediately blowing it in the bottom of the 9th. It was Metsian poetry at its finest. Yo makes a game saving throw and then derp–next batter cranks a game winning blast. Sigh, well, nice throw, Yo. Just hit 2 (3?) dingers per game and we might just win a game. 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the Marlins lineup is better than ours. Their pitching isn’t but their rotation (and pen!) sure looked good against our shitty hitters. 

Dear Terry, You’re a Faggot Idiot

Keep smilin’, Salas
Oooooh baby that was the biggest lock ever. deGrom crushing it? 13 Ks? Bats in the previous inning? Let’s bring out the hook, Terry! Salas for the 8th. Brilliant. Fuck you, Terry. You’re a shill. Don’t give in to the Jewpon demands. Be a manager and not a little bitch. Get fired by Jewpon/Alderson instead. You know deGrom has to be in there. 
Let the record show that I said that Yelich and Stanton would go back to back to tie the game and then we would lose in extras. My bad! Should’ve known there’d be a 4-pitch walk in there somewhere.

We can’t beat the Marlins with Thor or deGrom. We are worse than the Marlins. Fact. 

P.S. Happy Jackie Day, Curtis! Nice trapple. You seem to always be motivated by Jackie Day. Play like that every day. 

Did You Actually Think We’d Win Without Yo?

Thor and Yo puffin’ the devil’s lettuce
OK. I get it. 16 innings later, you wanna give Yo the day off. Fine. Stanton had the day off, too, but the Marlins have a much better–or at least more balanced–lineup. It would take at least 2 more boat crashes for them to have as shitty a team as we do.

Fortunately, we had Thor on the mound. Oops, his blister’s back. He’s dead. Nevermind. Why would the team doctors address that after it happened the first time? No waaaay it’ll happen again. Just put a bandaid on it. It’ll never happen again. Million to 1 shot. Probably never happen again. No way. It won’t cost us a win or anything. Totally probably doesn’t maybe it might happen again immediately.

But even if Thor stayed in, we didn’t hit for shiiiiiit. No Yo, no go. That’s all there is to it. 

P.S. Helluva throw by Conforto.