That Was a Lock

Yankees 11, Mets 2

Primetime, nationally televised game? Check. Against the Yankees? Check. High stakes? Check. Total meltdown collapse comedy of errors? Check.

The Mets love it. The subway series is always the same script. If we’re contending, it’s a meltdown. If we’re playing for nothing, we make it out World Series and beat them like it matters. Remember Matt Franco off of Mo? Hooorrrraaaay Mets and then the Yankees win 3 chips in a row hoo-fucking-ray. 

Just clinch. Back to doodoo teams. Back to NL Least. 

Mets Lose to Pineda (Another Cheater)

Yankees 5, Mets 0

Getting shut out at home blows. Getting shut out at home by a guy whose shoulder is falling off is even worse. How much cheating can the Yankees muster? How are their pitchers–who with any other team would’ve gotten TJ or shoulder surgery, respectively–throwing so well? I hope it burns them so badly. I hope young Pineda and his pine tar filled neck is done at 28. I hope they’re all done. Any other team would be mismanaging these arms, but with the Yankees it’s somehow different. It’s somehow ok because they have magic cheating juice.

Anyway, we got shut out. So there’s not much to say about it. That’s on us. Getting shut out at home is pathetic.

Message to Thor: You can’t throw a 99mph heater past major leaguers like Beltran. You can’t do that 0-2. You have great stuff, but it’s not enough in the Show. Mix it up out there.

Rubber game tonight on another game that won’t be broadcasted by SNY. The FOX announcers were absolutely dogshit yesterday. They said everything you’re legally allowed to say on TV without being branded a full blown racist about Cespedes and his “antics.” They said that CC is having a good year. Ummm…he’s the worst pitcher in the league, maybe? Harvey (for what, 4 innings?) vs CC is our game to win. Wright should feast on him. Everyone should. Then we can have all the Yankee fans change their shirts and call themselves Mets fans the rest of the way through.

What’s All This ‘Take Back The City’ Talk?

Maybe the Yankees will show up in cotton uniforms.
Maybe the Yankees will show up in cotton uniforms.

Just two things:

1) Take back the city? Fuck that. Fuck the bandwagoners. Oooh, you root for both NY teams? Oh, you’re just a fan of New York? In the words of Leo Dicaprio, you’re a “two-faced faggot.” I’m glad that the Mets are getting lots of attention. They deserve it. Cespedes deserves it. Let’s win the fucking division. But I don’t want to hear shit about “the city” and whatnot. The Mets have a job to do this weekend, and that’s win baseball games against a good team. Yankee fans suck ass. It couldn’t be more of a microcosm of the personality of a Yankee fan that when the Mets do well, they’re Mets fans, too. Whatever. Root for us. Fine. If it means more dollars that the Jewpons will have to get Cespedes, then I’m all for it.

2) I like Matz and Thor a lot. They oppose Tanaka and Pineda. Both Tanaka and Pineda shouldn’t be pitching. They’re both cheaters with magical arms that have somehow not fallen off, yet. It makes no sense. Any pitcher on any other team would need TJ by now. I don’t get it. And by, “I don’t get it,” I mean I totally DO get it and it’s that the Gods are on their side and they cheat and roid up big time and have magical healing powers. Every coin flip always lands up for the Yankees. And by coin flip, I mean they cheat at every turn. The Yankees are the Patriots. Hell, their names are even similarly jingoistic. New Yorkers should understand that by now.

The Team! The Time! The Mets!

For all those douchebags that were saying, “we’re taking the city back!” 1) Fuck You. 2) The Yankees have a better record than us.

For all those douchebags that were saying, “our offense is finally clicking!” 1) Fuck You. 2) We have scored 11 runs in the past 7 games. We have scored zero runs in the past 18 innings (we lost both games 1-0). The game before that, we won 1-0 thanks to a heroic effort from our hero, Matt Harvey. Oh, wait, that game was actually 4-0 thanks to Werth falling down in left field. See, we can get insurance runs! It’s all good!

For all those douchebags that are saying, “Wright will be back soon! d’Arnaud, too!” 1) Fuck You. 2) Wright’s timetable has already been pushed back three times. And by timetable, I mean the blatant lie that we were told when he first went down. 3) d’Arnaud is d’Ead.

At least even the biggest Spring-hopeful-bandwagoner Mets fans recognized right away how much our middle infield fucking blows.

Preblow: Subway Series and Why I’m Always Right

I'm busting!
They’re busting! If only we had Jerry to help us (re: Jerry, please buy the Mets please please please).

First: I’m always right. Metsblow knows. Metsblowers know me and know I’m always right. What specifically am I referring to? In the preseason, I said that YOU SHOULD NEVER COUNT THE YANKEES OUT. Never. Ever. Because they have money. Their version of Moneyball is to spend money to play better ball. It works every time. They will always be good. Maybe only playoffs good 14/15 of the time, but they’re always formidable. Not to mention, with their bandbox of a stadium, they can always hit late-inning dingers and turn any perceived blowout into a game. Never count the Yankees out. Mets fans should know better.

Second: I’m always right. About what this time? In the preseason, I said that A-Roid would be one of the best players on the team, and would be dangerous at the plate. This was again 100% accurate. He’s healthy now. He’s juicing again. Both big things. I applaud him. He’s not lying about it anymore, which I also appreciate. A lot of his success is due to Jeter finally being removed. Jeter is an egomaniac and cast a shadow on ARod from the moment ARod came to the Bronx. Jeter was jealous that Alex was a much, MUCH better baseball player. Yes, Jeter is Captain Clutch and I respect that. But Jeter was also a bad, BAD fielder. Mediocre at best when he won a gold glove in ’04, and had a NEGATIVE impact on the team when he won several of his other gold gloves. Horrendous popularity contest voting. Jeter hated ARod, and he hurt the entire team in the process. They got 1 ring together, but could’ve had more. ARod had to move to 3rd since, despite being the much better SS, Jeter had nowhere else to go (because he can’t play anywhere) except DH and was too much of an egomaniac to move.

Third: Be careful of Pineda and CC. They can pitch. CC may be past his prime, but one could say the same about A-Roid or Beltran, and they’re still threats. Never count them out. We don’t hit as well as the Yankees (I hope Grandy is licking his chops to hit to their right field fence again!) and could be looking at 1-0 and 2-0 losses, as we always are. deGrom and Limpfoot Harvey need to be in top form, because they’ve got big name matchups.

Fourth: This is great for the young players. As the NBA playoffs are currently proving, and as the playoffs in any sport ALWAYS prove, experience is everything. You can’t get World Series experience until you’re actually there (as Timo “Deer In Headlights” Perez and the rest of the 2000 Mets showed in the Subway World Series), and you can’t even get playoff experience until you’re actually there, but BIG GAME experience matters. And these are big games. Mets fans rocking the place at Shittifield is important, and now we’ll get some big game experience on the road. I hope our young guys are up to the challenge now, but either way, with guidance from TC and D-Wright, they will learn from this.

Finally: Metsblog is so douchey. They’re already talking about how this streak means we’re basically guaranteed to make the playoffs. They’re such fucking shills. We only need NOT to pull a Mets and we’re guaranteed to make the playoffs so buy merch now and buy tickets now if you’re a real fan 😀 ugh fuck them.

The best team in NY

What is all this garbage talk about how the Mets are the best team in NY?

Prove it you delusional fucks.

Since losing the subway series in 2000 (or really since winning in 1986), we have been better than the Yankees for 1 week.

1 week in 2006. We went to the LCS. They lost in the divisional round. Other than that, we’re worse.

They were over .500 last year. Grow up, people. Stop with the egregious claims and prove it.

P.S. Yes we’ll probably be better than the jets, giants, and knicks, but that isn’t saying shit.

P.P.S. Yes the 4 game sweep in 2013 was a delight. But it doesn’t change anything. Let’s stay focused on our own business.