Terry Collins is already in Port St. Lucie. Not to train, mind you, but to tan.

His skin looking leathery as ever, the old man was told by his bosses to watch his brown-skinned back.

Though Collins is not as dark as Willie Randolph or Jerry Manuel, his tanning obsession has led some to confuse him for a minority (always a big problem for managers/people dealing with the NY media).

When asked why he was on the hot seat, his bosses replied, “Look, we would’ve fired you already but you haven’t had any talent to work with. Nobody could’ve won with the teams we’ve given you.” TC responded, “this team is exactly the same as before.” But the bosses were quick to point out, “Now you have Cuddyer!”

So unless Cuddyer gets hurt (likely), he’s healthy and someone else gets hurt (likely), the whole team is healthy and plays well (unlikely), TC is in trouble.

Just be sure not to ask for a penny more than you’re getting or you’ll suffer the same fate as Ojeda. And avoid all trips to California, as that land has proven to be a Bermuda Triangle for Mets managers.