Oh, Terry, Terry, Terry

Hey, why not leave the lefty specialist in against the righty? It’s not like it’s September and we have extra arms in the pen! What could go wrong? Aaaand it’s gone. Only Girardi has a worse hook than you. At least you’re in the NL. He really has no excuse. I can’t believe how many people get paid maaaaad money to do a job worse than I could do it.

So Bruce can’t field now, huh? What a costly brain fart out there. The Garcia HR off of Blevins is really what blew it, so I blame Terry, but Bruce has one major case of METS disease. He got benched for Soupman for fucks sake!

Boy oh boy these are two bad teams. Once the Mets were down 2-1 off of Bruce’s brain fart and some BBs, I thought it was for sure over. We ain’t gettin’ more than 1 off of Teheran. But the Braves pinch hit for him (as they look to next season–a season in which they will compete and we better watch the fuck out) and tried to give us the game back. No thanks, we blow.

Our shittiness against the braves will probably just knock us out altogether, and it’s actually big for the “intradivision” tiebreaker, too. We will certainly lose that tiebreaker. Oops! Mets blow. 

A Mighty Oak

File photo of Wilmer Flores. So majestic.

Holy fuck Flores is SO MUCH SLOWER than me. Hey Terry, your bench is pretty deep these days. Pinch run, much? Also have Colon bunt you stupid fuck.

My feelings about Terry, Teufel, and Wilmer are nicely illustrated by a head-first, brain-traumatizing dive into A.J. “toughest catcher in the league” Pierzynski.

Is This Even Worth Reporting?


Take a guess at what happened with the tying run on 3rd and 1 out. GUESS. Go on. Guess. Guess!

Mets BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. When Cespedes isn’t in the lineup, and especially with Verrett pitching (who pitched fine), it’s not worth watching. Start the boycott now. Pay Yo.

By the way, why didn’t Terry just bring in Reed at the start of the 8th? Oh, because he’s sore? So you didn’t want to use him? But you ended up using him anyway? And he blew a late lead? Does that sound FAMILIAr to you!?!?

Captain Hook Strikes Again

“Yarrrrr, bring me a reliever who doesn’t blow.”

On a night where Soup got demoted and the Jewpons got even MORE RELIEF from the government for their heinous thievery, we still managed to have a terrible day.

This might’ve been the worst loss of the season. Granted, a little of it is on Matz. Matz was absolutely cruising, and then all of a sudden he lost it. The game kind of washed over everyone. The White Sox have enough hitting that you can’t sleep on them.

Thor in relief was fun. Ronnie thought 1 inning was enough so I buy that. But Captain Shitty Hook really did a number on us. I’m not even mad at Robles. It’s all on Terry. How the fuck can you bring in Robles in a 1-run game!? He lets up a dinger per inning. He needs time in the minors or something. I like the kid but he needs to work some issues out. You could’ve even brought in Bastardo there. Bring in anyone but Robles in a 1 run game. That’s where he’s at right now and everyone knows it but you, Terry. Reed and Fam both unavailable? Give me a fucking break. It’s a 1 run game.

You just can’t blow 4 run leads and claim you have good pitching. We have to be better than that. That loss happened so quickly. It was 4-0 Mets and then wham bam we lose. The thing is that we DO have better pitching than that. Collins really pushed the wrong buttons.

deGrom in the rubber game today. Boy, if Harvey is back (praaaay), then our rotation really is fucking filthy. Like how we imagined it would be during preseason. This should’ve been a sweep but I’m confident in our ability to win each and every series with our horses. Meanwhile, we are near the very bottom of the league (25th) in runs scored. We’d be in dead last if not for Yo. Christ, we blow.

Mets Win, Terry Loses

Mets 2, Fins 1


Terry took a lot of heat for calling this game a must-win and for saying the reason it was a must-win was because the media is picking on them.

1) Agreed. The media garbage fake news is infuriating. They’re ravenous. They’re insatiable. They’re out for blooooooood. They just take quotes out of context and run with it. It’s insane. The Mets should ignore all of it. The media entraps these guys by for if them to talk when they don’t want to and then getting mad at what they say. Damned if ya do, damned if ya don’t. It’s disgraceful. 

2) The thing that people should be on Terry for is putting Henderson in. TC has had problems with this before. I hate it. Know your arms. Henderson has no business in this game. You talk about how it’s a marathon, so treat it like one. Every year, TC picks a blood sacrifice out of the pen and just ruins him. Don’t pitch him into the fucking ground, guy.

3) We’re not hitting. Bats are ice cold. Get in the cages and go to work. 

4) Campbell got demoted. Hooray! All it took was deGrom getting hurt and Terry burning out his pen in April for us to need to bring Montero up in favor of shitty Soup.

Seriously, What the Fuck Are We Going To Do?

The face of an owner who has really got his shit together, right?
The face of an owner who has really got his shit together, right?

The Mets currently have 4 aces and are still blowing hard dick. Bring up Matz and it’s 5 aces. HOORAY! Now we can lose 1-0 or 2-1 EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!

I know the box score says that deGrom blew it. Same with Tolo. BUT IT IS NOT TRUE. The fundies, dammit! ON BOTH SIDES! We can’t field bunts and we can’t lay them down. It’s embarrassing to watch. It’s disgusting. Even Collins–yes I know he has a scrub lineup–is to blame. You have to teach this shit.

Are we 1 month away from Conforto? He’s raking. How do we make room for him? Well, Lagares needs TJ. OOPS! So that solves that. Also Cuddy will be hurt soon. Lock.

Nimmo is back from the DL. So Conforto and Nimmo are the answers? We’re going to go ALL-IN on guys that have zero ML ABs?! We have a 3-year window with these aces.

Wheeler won’t be back until the All-Star Break anyway. You need a bat. You need two. We completely fucked up by not trading Tolo when he was 5-0 and had value. Now he’s worthless again. The best chance we have is Montero getting healthy and rocking it for a month and then dishing him.

Hell, Conforto and Nimmo are doomed, anyway. The Mets will mismanage their injuries and hail them as saviors with impossible expectations and they’ll be hurt and done by June.

Gee is gone. We gave Logan Verrett his number. Opening starter 2014. Nothing to show for it. METSBLOW! Gee will probably get picked up by the Cubs and the Cubs will win the 2nd Wildcard over us.

The Cubs are smart. Theo (GM) won’t give up Addison Russell for less than Matz AND Thor. WOOF! We’re sitting here scoring 0.000 runs/gm and Theo knows it. And he’s barking. And Sandy’s peeing his pants.

Herrera will replace Murph. Murph gonna walk. 100% lock. We’ll get nothing for him.

We won’t spend a dime. JEW COVETOUSNESS. We let Reyes walk!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

We made a hard pass on Uribe. “WHY WOULD WE NEED A GUY BATTING .290!?” -Alderson

I have 2 solutions:

1) Go get an impact bat. You have to. Go and do it. Either bring Conforto up or convince the Cubs somehow to get us Soler and/or Baez (he’s hurt, might be a discount).

2) Jeff Wilpon should kill himself. Go ahead and kill yourself.

TC’s Postgame Presser Was Gold

He's soooo tan.
He’s soooo tan.

Yesterday, after the Mets won, Terry Collins addressed the media. He said that Tolo looked sharp and that our hitting looked like shit, but we’re now a good enough team to take advantage of doodoo fielding. Basically he said that we looked bad but the Nats looked worse.

He spit the unequivocal truth; the Nats ain’t shit.

And we’re no longer so shitty that we can’t take advantage of 4-out innings.

The takeaway from yesterday is that we were given extra outs and we won.

I just like that Terry called both teams out. Pundits (aka people paid by the Jewpons to make TC look bad) say he throws his players under the bus but I don’t think that’s true. I think he cares a LOT. Yes, the starting pitching was stellar, but we’re trying to change our identity at the plate (from dogshit doody hitting to competence) and he’s going to talk about it.

Regardless of what we think we can be at the plate, we should expect a lot of 3-1 games. If it’s in our favor, I’m cool with it.

Terry Collins Could Be Fired in May

Terry Collins is already in Port St. Lucie. Not to train, mind you, but to tan.

His skin looking leathery as ever, the old man was told by his bosses to watch his brown-skinned back.

Though Collins is not as dark as Willie Randolph or Jerry Manuel, his tanning obsession has led some to confuse him for a minority (always a big problem for managers/people dealing with the NY media).

When asked why he was on the hot seat, his bosses replied, “Look, we would’ve fired you already but you haven’t had any talent to work with. Nobody could’ve won with the teams we’ve given you.” TC responded, “this team is exactly the same as before.” But the bosses were quick to point out, “Now you have Cuddyer!”

So unless Cuddyer gets hurt (likely), he’s healthy and someone else gets hurt (likely), the whole team is healthy and plays well (unlikely), TC is in trouble.

Just be sure not to ask for a penny more than you’re getting or you’ll suffer the same fate as Ojeda. And avoid all trips to California, as that land has proven to be a Bermuda Triangle for Mets managers.