Lagares Dead. Matz Probably Dead. Conforto Doomed.

Lagares dead? Duhhhh. Expected. Obvious. He has no place on the Mets and why would want any value out of a gold glover? Plummet that trade value, boys.

Matz with a “minor” elbow flare-up. Kenan? Kenan?! Whatcha mean, minor? Huh? Awwwww, here it goes.

So now the Mets are gonna have Conforto rot on the bench instead of getting his reps in the minors. Both answers are wrong. We should’ve traded him two years ago for Arenado. Now the Mets are in his head. Bumgarner and all lefties are in his head. Hey, wait, that’s fucking baseball! If you can’t deal with asshole owners and asshole pitchers, you can’t be a ballplayer. So get tough, get your bp in, and make the most of your starts. A crowded OF is good. Be a fucking major leaguer. Spell Grandy because he’s old. I’m glad Bruce wasn’t traded. I’m glad Conforto wasn’t traded (for anyone other than Arenado) and now, thanks to a “lucky” injury to Lagares, the incompetent brass is forced to make the correct move. 

Mets Are Poorly Taught; Poorly Coached


Ooh, good idea Matz! Get into a dick measuring contest with the most powerful guy in the fucking league! Way to let the dog off the leash, Collins! Yeah, go for it! Clinging to a 1-0 lead with a runner on base? Let’s let the one guy in the lineup who can beat us beat us!

Oh, not enough? Ready for round 2? Well if Matz couldn’t beat him, surely Goeddel can. Oh it’s 3-0? Let’s still NOT put him on! He can’t hit this heat! NO WAY!

Awful baseball. Just awful. They don’t know how to pitch. I wish I knew a bookie, because when Stanton came up and I saw that Matz was going to go after him, I wanted to bet a billy that Stanton was going to crush one.

The Yo Show continued today with a dinger and the official nod for the all star game starting job. I could watch him and Stanton mash all day. Th…the power.

Reyes’s return was uneventful. Zero hits of a baseball or of a wife. It’s just one game. We’ll see how the season goes. I’m still hopeful for Gourriel. De Aza hit a dinger today, which was nice to see after the Mets sent Reynaldo down, rather than cutting De Aza. Not gonna let that money go to waste, eh Jeffy? Besides, Reynolds needs his reps!




You Get a Bone Spur! You Get a Bone Spur! Bone Spurs for Everybody!

Ooooooh this team is SHOT!! Here comes Mets disease for everyone.

Matz is dead. Thor says that he’s fine but he sure did suck last night. We may never see either of them again.

I’m the stupidest. I actually got fooled. Thor got out of the 1st inning jam and we tacked on runs and I thought we were dialing in for the big series here. Ace on the mound. Nimmo with his first hit. Some key hits with RISP. Ahhhh nope, we’re terrible. Worst loss of the year. They keep finding new ways to outdo themselves.

Bastardo mopped it up nicely. Prolly his best outing all year.

HarveyDay today. He’s taking on their new stud prospect (ML debut). Get ready for “Giolito’s better” chants. DC folk probably aren’t clever enough to do it.

We Still Can’t Hit For Shit

Thanks to Matz for being an ace.

Thanks to Conforto for being a stud. 

We still can’t hit for shit. We couldn’t score if we had a hot date with a babe…I lost my train of thought. 

Got the W but against the Brew Crew? This shit? This shit stinks! Soupman in the lineup every fucking day no wonder the Mets blow…

Meet the Fucking Matz

Other than the dinger to Klay Thompson’s brother, Matz was beautiful. He even got an RBI (our pitchers are finally getting in on the action). Matz is a lefty. Sky’s the limit for him. Horses, baby! Horses!

Terry made a bad move with two on and two out. He should’ve brought in Conforto to face the righty. He didn’t. Juan struck out on 3 pitches and then made an error in the field. You can’t predict the error (first time ever that I’ve seen Juanny Beisbol miss an easy one), but Conforto should’ve pinch hit. End of story. 

The ghost of Daniel Murphy was on the basepaths for us. Name the ridiculous ways to get thrown out at 2nd base. The Mets did almost all of them in one game. 

This time, Bastardo got bailed out by Henderson. Bastardo looked okay, I thought, but is wild and got squeezed. The officiating was horrendous in this game. Grandy got rung up on a 3-2 pitch a foot high and away. Is the umping always this bad and anti-Mets? I mean it’s not like the umps would cheat to help the Dodgers win by putting Utley on 2nd base or anything, right? Wait. 

Neil Walker has minor deadness but is supposedly back tonight.

TDA has major deadness and we may never see his light again. 

What Did We Learn This Weekend?


We learned…

1) The Mets can actually win a series against a mediocre-at-best team.

2) Matz is fine.

3) Even aces struggle. Harvey, Kluber, Greinke…it happens. The sky isn’t falling.

4) Conforto should always bat 3rd. In fact, it should probably be Asdrubal 2nd while we’re at it. Walker 5th. Duda 6th.

5) Despite Conforto being amazing, this lineup still goes as Cespedes goes. We learned that from last season, obviously. Murphy had Yo behind him. Now he has Harper behind him. Conforto has Yo behind him. That shit matters. NO FUCKING DUHH. If you only learned this one this past weekend, you’re an idiot.

6) The Nats aren’t as shitty as they were last season.

7) Papelbon is just as shitty as ever. CHOKE CHOKE CHOKE. No, I’m referring to him blowing the game, not to what he does to MVPs in the dugout.

8) The Phillies aren’t as shitty as they were last season. We went 14-5 against them, but really it was 14-2 (we were swept by them after clinching the division). Their pitching is decent and their lineup sucks. We should still mow them the fuck down.

Matz Shellacked


So when did y’all turn off the game? After the ump squeezed the shit out of Matz? After Dee Gordon’s infield single? After Stanton’s monster blast?

And I thought yesterday’s game was bad. Remember when TC talked about how everyone was going to bring their A-game against us now? Remember that? Ummmmm…yeah. Especially in the division. WAKE THE FUCK UP. I’m not even putting this one on Matz. We’re not hitting. We’re the worst hitting team in the league (AGAIN), somehow.

Look, this roster is the same as it was a week ago (other than deGrom being deAd). The staff is super studly and super deep. The lineup is strong. For fucks sake, D-Wright is the only one producing. He’s gonna die soon, so these guys need to step up. Get tough. Y’all looked good in KC. Wake up. Win a home series against a shitty team in your division, derrrrr.

P.S. Shock of the century: Soup struck out today. Niiiice. And his bat went flying into the crowd. Can’t wait till he’s playing 3rd base every day.

P.P.S. deGrom left the team to get an MRI witness the birth of his child. Just DL him! Lats ain’t nothin’ to fuck with. Oh man, fucking pray for him. Name the kid Yoenis.

Stop The Presses: Matz Is Dead

He’s deaaaaaad!!

Well, it was a good ride. But now it’s over. Our promising young lefty is dead. 

The Mets say, “several weeks with a lat strain,” which of course means, “death by fire.” 

The most obvious news I have ever heard EVER. Hearing that Matz is hurt sent a collective, “duhh” across Metsblow Nation. 

Promise being built up and then the rug being YANKED (fuck the Yankees) out from underneath us is long in the past. We don’t walk on the rug anymore. We just sit in the corner shooting heroin, waiting for the Wilpons to sell the team.

Postblow: Meet The Matz

"I can't believe the Mets actually scored some runs." -Grandpa Matz
“I can’t believe the Mets actually scored some runs.” -Grandpa Matz

Game 1: Mets 2, Reds 1 (F/13)

Game 2: Mets 7, Reds 2

Well, Grandpa Matz is stunned. Rightfully so. Nobody, not even his family, should have to witness a team where their pitcher son is the best hitter on the team. But here we are.

I thought the Mets should concede game 1. I knew we’d never score and I’d rather lose in 9 than keep Matz waiting and screw him up for life. I was wrong. The extra waiting made him nervous and he let up a leadoff dinger, but he settled the fuck down and mowed em the fuck down. We’ve got another live one!! He also claimed in the postblow that the extra waiting didn’t have an effect, but that was just him not wanting to throw his team under the bus.

The theme of this double header was “pitching.” But really, the theme was, “the Mets are trying to be aggressive on the base paths because they never get hits but they’re also slow as shit so they’re out every time they get aggressive.” And by aggressive, I mean blasting balls into the corners and being thrown out by a mile trying to “stretch” it into a double. Blame the slippery field if you want, but we’re slower than a turtle with downs. And not a ninja turtle, neither. Reyes would have had triples off some of those balls. Oh, except Herrera. He basically won the 1st game with his baserunning. He’s fast! He’s 20! All in for 2017 lineup!

Game 2 was the first time in SIX DAYS (six!) that the Mets reached the MOUNTAIN of a milestone of scoring 3 runs. And the game six days ago, they lost 6-4. And before that, there were 3 more days of 2 runs or less. So for 8 out of their last 10, they’ve scored 2 or less. And a no hitter (shutout) two days before that. That’s the craziest stat I’ve ever seen. And we at Metsblow say, “that’s the craziest stat ever” routinely.

Oh and 1 of the runs today was unearned. Oh and we had the bases loaded and no outs but didn’t score. 3 runs was seemingly the HARD CAP for our employees. BUT WAIT! Matz had 4 RBIs. So our lineup reached their 3 run cap, and our pitcher got 4. Astounding. Our pitchers are our best hitters and should play the field on non-pitching days.

In the words of Grandpa Matz, “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”

Off day Monday. Cubs in town on Tuesday. We played a four-game series against them at Wrigley in May. Guess how many games we won. Go on, guess. I’ll wait. It rhymes with Masahiro*.

*All might be well in the universe, because Tanaka is getting shellllled. I can’t believe he didn’t get TJ. I don’t understand training staffs/cosmic forces/God is a Yankee fan, but one thing I know is that everyone on the Mets needs TJ.