Mariners made another nice pickup. Rickie Weeks at 1 yr/$2m.
What’s with the depth? Some organizations think they’re running submarines instead of baseball teams.
Metsblow 😦
baseball
Wheeler Talks About the Mets’ Chances in 2015
“We’re young, we’re going to be an exciting team. We’re sort of like the Royals,” Wheeler said. “It’s time. … We’ve got the people here to do it, so why not?”
Yeah, why not?
Well, for starters you won 79 games last year. You’re a LOSING team as of now. PLAYOFFS!? PLAYOFFS!?! Start by getting to .500
Why not?
Well, your owners are cheap Jew fucks.
Why not?
Well, your offense doesn’t score any runs.
Why not?
Well, your best players (on offense, at least) are injury prone and old as fuck.
Why not?
Well, because you’re on the Mets, that’s why not.
“I think it’s going to be a big year for the team and for me,’’ Wheeler said. “If you put goals out there, you are going to go out there and try a little bit harder.”
Agreed. We have a sexy pitching staff (Bartolo “Big Sexy” Colon leading the young studs). Let’s see them excel. Put your jew-gold where your big, playoff talking mouths are. YA GOTTA BELIEVE!
Mets Minor Leaguer Tim Peterson Suspended 80 Games for PEDs
Boom! That’s what I’m talking about! Sucks that he got caught but I love the can-do attitude/hustle. YES I CAN! YES…I…CAN!!!
Meanwhile, Cesar Puello’s neck is looking tremendous again. I like his chances at 1) hitting dingers and 2) getting suspended again.
Metsblog Goes Full Retard; Lauds Alderson For Standing Pat at SS
Brian P. Mangan, come on down!! You’re the next contest on, “Who Wants to Be the Next Lapdog Bitch for the Wilpons?!”
What a schmuck you are, dude. Go fuck yourself. No Rusney Castillo? No Kang? No Cabrera for barely any money that even these Jews can open their purses for? No anybody? So if Murph gets hurt it’s Flores + Tejada up the middle?
Fuck you, Brian. Fuck you, Metsblog. I hope the Wilpons gave you a second helping of mush for this one.
Padres sign James Shields
It’s amazing that the Padres got big game James. They already got Matt Kemp, Justin Upton, and more.
They obviously didn’t get the memo that the Mets got. It read, “NL teams: please, one trade or FA signing only. If you had a losing record last year, you’re not allowed to make improvements to multiple positions.”
The Padres have implemented an innovative strategy: “Get more talent.” The Mets disagree.
Metsblog dissects “Payroll Flexibility”
Metsblog took it’s time defining and understanding what the Jewbrass means when they talk about “payroll flexibility.” Thankfully, over here at Metsblow, we know what it means.
Payroll Flexibility: We need to have enough Jew gold in the pouches we wear around our necks so that when the next Ponzi scheme comes along, we can properly invest in it and steal more money from the American taxpayer. Then, when the scheme collapses, we need enough payroll flexibility (re: Jew gold) to pay off the legal system so they decree that we were innocent (albeit ignorant) victims of the hoax.
Payroll Flexibility everyone! Payroll flexibility! Oh by the way, all the shortstops that have been taken this offseason (including the Korean stud Jeong-ho Kang) were signed for next to nothing.
Mets sign Duane Below
Mets signed LHP Duane Below to add to our bullpen. He’s a lefty, so that works. He’s a minor leaguer, so that fits better with our offense.
Wilpons, you can Duane Below me.
A Translation of Sandy Alderson’s Quote on Why the Mets Will Not Be Signing Yoan Moncada
Sandy Alderson carefully, diplomatically tip-toed and explained why the Mets will not be signing the next great Cuban ballplayer. He talked about investment strategies, international pools, taxes, and limitations with Amed Rosario, among other things.
You can read his exact quote anywhere. However, only Metsblow has the quote from his inner-voice:
“OUR OWNERS ARE CHEAP FUCKING JEWS!”
That’s all. Oh, and in future news: Moncada is raking with the Yankees.
Hot Take from Metsblog: Sandy Alderson Will Be Disappointed if the Mets Don’t Make the Playoffs
Wow, great headline there Metsblog!
Also, kids are disappointed when they find out Santa isn’t real.
I won’t be that disappointed since my expectations are low. Why would we, a 79-win team that hasn’t improved in the offseason be disappointed that we don’t make the playoffs? I mean hell, if we win 85 games this year, that’d be nice, but is that even a playoff team? I doubt it.
Sandy Alderson also said, “We don’t have an All-Star at every position, but we don’t have gaping holes either.” Just then, Wilmer Flores and Ruben Tejada came poking out of the dugout, only to be swatted away by brooms and sprayed with water as they hissed and retreated.
Speaking of gaping holes, how bout owner? There’s a position with a huge gaping hole. HUGE. GAPING. HOLE. Actually, it’s more that we (the fans) are the ones with the huge gaping holes. Hey Sandy, hey Jeffy: at least take us to dinner first.
Terry Collins Could Be Fired in May
Terry Collins is already in Port St. Lucie. Not to train, mind you, but to tan.
His skin looking leathery as ever, the old man was told by his bosses to watch his brown-skinned back.
Though Collins is not as dark as Willie Randolph or Jerry Manuel, his tanning obsession has led some to confuse him for a minority (always a big problem for managers/people dealing with the NY media).
When asked why he was on the hot seat, his bosses replied, “Look, we would’ve fired you already but you haven’t had any talent to work with. Nobody could’ve won with the teams we’ve given you.” TC responded, “this team is exactly the same as before.” But the bosses were quick to point out, “Now you have Cuddyer!”
So unless Cuddyer gets hurt (likely), he’s healthy and someone else gets hurt (likely), the whole team is healthy and plays well (unlikely), TC is in trouble.
Just be sure not to ask for a penny more than you’re getting or you’ll suffer the same fate as Ojeda. And avoid all trips to California, as that land has proven to be a Bermuda Triangle for Mets managers.
MetsBlow 