playoffs

Mets’ Magic Number Reduced by 3

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The Mets Reduced Their Magic Number to 42.
The Mets Reduced Their Magic Number to 42.
Pirates 8, Mets 1

Since my Rec League Softball team–Stanky Doodoo Farts–made the playoffs (via back door), I’m in a smiling summer baseball lala mood.

The Mets did their part this weekend, reducing their magic number to 42 over the Nats. MadBum went mad on em, striking out 14 and hitting a homer.

Granted, we didn’t win a game. But let’s say that we’ll TOOOOTTAAALLLYY be 100% healthy for the playoffs that we’re TOOOOOTTAALLLLLYY making it into. Wright is coming back! Get it–BACK! Guaranteed! Duda is A-OK! Matz, too, hooray!

The truth is that the Nats are doodoo right now, and I think they’ll get it together. But we can do the same. Just beat up on the shitty teams, win the NL LEEEAST, and then let the Cards, Pirates, and Cubs beat each other up.

We’d likely play the Dodgers in the 1st round. Clayton “Peyton” Kershaw twice, Greinke twice, Latos for Game 3, I’d guess. BUT PLAYOFFS!?!?! Way too early. There’s a shitload of baseball left. Now we gotta win on the road. Something we haven’t done at all.

PLAYOFFS!?!? WATCH

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Only because the NL blows.
Only because the NL blows.

The Mets are 1 game behind the Cubs for the 2nd wildcard spot. HA! The Cubs fucking destroyed us this year. They’re so much better than we are. But let’s just say that the Cubs struggle (they’ll play the Cards and Pirates a bunch, while we play the Phils and Marlins), and we end up making the 2nd wildcard (humor me). Everyone says, “oh, we’ve got the pitching! Just get in!” Newsflash to Metsblow nation: Are you fucking kidding me? If we play the Pirates in the wildcard matchup, we’re FUUUUUUCKED.

Here’s what’ll happen: deGrom will lose 1-0 to Gerrit Cole.

The run will be unearned. It will stem from a Murph error.

Cole with throw a CGSO.

He will face 29 batters in the game. Ruben Tejada, batting 2nd, will strike out swinging on a pitch in the dirt to end the game.

We will get 1 hit. It will be a double by Jacob deGrom. He will not advance beyond 2nd.

We will get 1 walk. It will be by Granderson to leadoff the game. Tejada will fail to get the bunt down, striking out in the process, and then Duda will hit into a double play.

1 more batter will reach base at some point in the game. The Pirates aren’t perfect. They make errors. So deGrom will probably reach base twice. But that’s it.

All of this assumes that we actually make it in. Maybe if we get Tulo.

Wheeler Talks About the Mets’ Chances in 2015

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“We’re young, we’re going to be an exciting team. We’re sort of like the Royals,” Wheeler said. “It’s time. … We’ve got the people here to do it, so why not?”

Yeah, why not?

Well, for starters you won 79 games last year. You’re a LOSING team as of now. PLAYOFFS!? PLAYOFFS!?! Start by getting to .500

Why not?

Well, your owners are cheap Jew fucks.

Why not?

Well, your offense doesn’t score any runs.

Why not?

Well, your best players (on offense, at least) are injury prone and old as fuck.

Why not?

Well, because you’re on the Mets, that’s why not.

“I think it’s going to be a big year for the team and for me,’’ Wheeler said. “If you put goals out there, you are going to go out there and try a little bit harder.”

Agreed. We have a sexy pitching staff (Bartolo “Big Sexy” Colon leading the young studs). Let’s see them excel. Put your jew-gold where your big, playoff talking mouths are. YA GOTTA BELIEVE!

David Wright is my fuckin boy

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But…

He claims to be pain free.
He claims the Mets will make the playoffs this year.

Pain free? Delusions of grandeur? Did they legalize pot in the MLB or something? (Doubtful, since MLB is usually about 50 years behind).

Playoffs?! Playoffs?!? We’re not even at .500 yet.

But D-Wright is my boy for life. I believe him, yo. I don’t know why but I do.