Author: metsblow

Mets Still Snoozin’

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I was wrong when I said the Mets’ late inning almost-comeback meant they were going to shake the jet lag. Sue me. Wrong once. Whatever. Fuck you. I didn’t realize they were facing a lefty tonight. I didn’t check the probables because I knew Thor was going and I penciled in a W.

Thor was prettay, prettay good. Im impressed with how quickly he’s fixing his slow delivery. I’m not gonna address that, really. We got shutout. That’s pathetic. What the fuck was Teufel thinking sending Dru on that Flores double? It actually WORKED, though. The Mets pulled a Royals aka a Kit Keller and said, “I’m running when it’s retarded to run but I don’t think you’ll make the play.” And guess what–Norris (Padres C) dropped the ball! The ump, being the retard that he is, called Dru out before seeing that Norris dropped the ball. For some reason, he didn’t change the call when the ball was clearly loose. Aaaaand for some reason, Dru never touched home plate. Touch the fucking base, holmes. Had he, I think the call gets overturned. But knowing the retarded umps at base camp, that’s hard to say. So congrats to everyone involved in that play. You are all special. 

I actually do know what Tim Teufel was thinking there. He knew Rivera and then Thor (even though it would’ve been a PH) were coming up. Pray for TDA. When he’s healthy, the lineup has no holes. 

Jet Laaaaaag

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Well, I called it. The Mets (other than Grandy) looked like absolute shit. Dog tired and spaced out.

However, there’s good news, as it only lasted them about 7 innings or so. They weren’t no-hit, or even shutout by the end of it. I think they shook it off too little too late for that game, but in time for tonight. 

San Diego also has some kind of Mets kryptonite, huh? We have the worst record of any team in Petco, and let’s not forget what SD did to us last season in that fateful thunderstorm. 

Sidenote: Ron Darling once struck out Tony Gwynn 3 times in 1 game. Now THAT’s kryptonite.

Other sidenote: Apparently Tony Gwynn, despite being an incredible athlete, was not a natural in the outfield. He trained countless hours at it and rose from what the scouts called “sub par D” to a gold glove winner. Now that is some inspiring shit. Alright, time to move 3 feet from my computer to my TV to watch this game. That should cover my exercise for the day. 

Mets Lock Down Last Game of Homestand; Shitty Late-Night Road Trip Starts Today

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Nobody’s staying up for these games.

Mets win Mets win sweet homestand Braves blow Harvey blows dingers dingers dingers. Whatever. Braves are terrible. Good for us for looking good.

Now for an 11 game west coast road trip. That’s a mouthful, like the title of this article. I’ll be staying up but I don’t have a job. I don’t even think most die hards watch these games. Keith–who hated doing these cold May games–wouldn’t be caught dead at these games. He’s got the whole trip off. 

Next time someone argues against the modern athlete, and you don’t feel like using the usual “steroids were pushed by the league and legal and a sign of the times and everybody did them so the playing field was even” argument, give them this: When the FUCK did athletes start having to play in NYC one night, and then in San Diego the next night? That’s gotta give a little asterisk to the stats. Wah wah wah those poor athletes on their private planes, right? Eh, you try it. I can’t breathe or hear or walk straight for 3 days after a flight like that, let alone crush dingers. 

What’s Wrong With Harvey?

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sadbatman

What’s wrong with Matt Harvey? I’ll tell you what’s fucking wrong. We scored ZERO runs!! How about that for a fucking stat? Everybody’s all up on him. Yeah letting up someone’s first career homer is bad. Yeah letting up 3 in 5.2 against a dogshit offense is bad. Yeah I’m worried about his trajectory. But hold the fucking phone, we got ONE FUCKING HIT. Uhhh, yeah I’m not a math guru but I’m pretty sure that if you score zero runs, even MadBum ain’t gonna get the W. Derrrrrp.

Win the series. That’s all that matters. 2 out of 3 at home against the Braves. Good enough.

Division Blow: Papelbon aka Captain Chokeslam let up 3 runs against the Royals and blew it hard. What a mook. I can’t believe he’s still on the Nats. They’re so dumb.

Dingers & Collins

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Collins is likely laughing about how easy his job is.

We win. Braves are dogshit. Dingers in the 1st (Wright, Yo, Dude) and then we got shut the fuck out but it was enough.

Terry, why the FUCK did you pull Bart for the 9th?! Under 100 pitches. Not a save situation. You just want Jeurys to get work in? Uhhh, he got the save on Saturday. Retarded. Terry’s hook is retarded.

#HarveyDay is tomorrow. Can he stop this potent Braves lineup?!

MadBum is Super Elite

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And this is why it was so fucking important to scratch that win out the previous day. Thor is a developing young STUD. He will work on getting the ball out of his hands quicker. He very well could win a Cy Young. But MadBum is already established. He is incredible. And he’s a lefty, which stopped Conforto. Like Thor, Conforto is a developing stud who may crush lefties soon enough, but for now just rip your cap to MadBum because he’s super elite and this was always going to be a loss.

Hunter Pence–crazy picadillos and all–sure can hit the high heat a fucking mile. 

Doo doo Braves in town! Take advantaaaaage.

Mets Played Like Shit And…Won?

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confortoslaphands
Slap hands!

I went to the game today. We won 6-5. It should have been 10-0. When you’re hot, you’re hot. We won. Somehow. I can’t really explain how…oh wait…yes I can. It’s for 2 reasons:

  1. Michael Conforto. Sign him up forever. Conforto 3rd and Cespedes cleanup FOREVER.
  2. The middle infield. We have nobody who can make the throw from 3rd. Wow. Jeez. Stanko. But Walker and Asdrubal are both hitting (Walker especially) and more importantly turned a difficult (but routine for major leaguers) double play in the 9th, ultimately keeping Posey from coming to bat.

We really blow, though. TC kept Reed in for too long. WHAT ELSE IS NEW!? deGrom got squeezed but was wild. He had to throw a shitload of extra pitches thanks to all the unearned runs. We ended the game on Flores triple clutching and making a terrible throw that Duda only caught by putting his arm out into traffic and potentially shattering it. Robles got SOOOO lucky that Pence’s would-be go-ahead grand slam got knocked down by the wind. I can’t believe we won. This wasn’t a fun game to watch. It was fun at times. But it was brutal and a hollow win. Fuck it. I’ll take it. Thor for the sweep vs. MadBum tomorrow!

Mets Score 12 (Re: A Billion) Runs in an Inning

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Céspedes after his grand slam. He had six RBI in the inning and the Mets brought 15 men to the plate, scoring 12 runs.

Just remember, it’s only 1 game. It’s gotta feel great, though, to treat Peavy and the SF pen like a slow pitch softball team.

With Cespedes back in the lineup, Conforto doesn’t constantly get stranded at 2nd base! 

Matz is bringing that ERA down!

Will we be fatigued today? Did we reach our run quota? This is a team that’s having fun right now and hopefully that means they keep rolling. 

And Now For a Real Test

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Conforto the young BULL

So the Mets “did their job” and swept the doodoo Reds. Conforto is a beast (thank god they didn’t let the kid see Vegas), Harvey settled in, Walker trotted around the bases with his 1-year contract in hand, and the backups (Juanny Beisbol, De Aza, Plawecki…) showed us the meaning of depth. 

Not sooooo faaaaast. The Mets looked like SHIT. We botched a pickle for fucks sake! We’re not smooth. Now the real test comes with SF in this weekend. We won’t be able to beat them playing the way we’ve been playing.

Take a look at these pitching matchups!

Fri: Matz/Peavy

Sat: deGrom/Cain 

Sun: Thor/Madbum

Daaaaaamn. Exciting stuff.

On Plawecki: Last year, every time d’Arnaud got hurt, TC said that his job was safe. Not this time! TC referred to Wally Pipp and he, like everyone else, knows that TDA is dead and now it’s Plawecki’s job to keep, so long as he hits. 

The Reds Are Looking to Next Season; d’Arnaud d’Ead

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cespedesHRderby.jpg
Studly.

The Mets win. Theeeeee Mets win. Wow Michael Kay is a fucking dipshit. He’s also inappropriate with women, by the way.

So Cespedes is the greatest. That ain’t news. First pitch pinch-hit dinger. He is the savior. That’s really all there is to it. He said (through a translator), “I can’t run. I’m hobbled. I’ll just hit a home run so I can walk around the bases.” Well played. In truth, he looked quick out of the box on that laser beam dinger that just cleared the line. And he was screaming his head off when Wright knocked in the go-ahead run. Life in the dugout. We’re wide awake. It’s great.

But the real story here is that the Reds are looking to next season. This guy Finnegan is nice. He’ll win the Reds a lot of games down the road. They left him in to face righty Yo 100% no question because they have conceded. “Our bullpen is horrendous and this guy Finnegan is our future so let’s just see how he does in pressure situations against power hitters.” I respect it. I just think it’s kinda funny and what it really means is that we have to beat the shit out of these teams. Also, be careful: Teams that have conceded the season have players with nothing to lose. HarveyDay for the sweep.

Lost in the shuffle is Tolo yet again battling and performing at a high level. Reed and Familia have looked great. Familia got Billy Hamilton and then the next two so Votto didn’t even bat. He’s returning to form. His sinker-cutter dealie makes me glad to be in a cookie lob co-ed softball league.

Extra blow: d’Arnaud is indeed d’Ead. I think his career is d’One. I hate it. I really do. I’m rooting hard for the kid but he is GLAAAAASSSSSS. Maybe trade him to go play 1B or DH somewhere? His bat would come around and be great if he could stay on the field but he can’t. Light your candles.