We’re Falling Apart

Soooooo we could’ve easily swept this series, huh? And instead, we lose ANOTHER home series?

Say it ain’t so, Jeurys. You are the CORE of this team!! Granted, it was another NON-SAVE situation (cough Terry cough cough) but you gotta get fired up. We had a chance to win on a day that Kershaw pitched. You can’t let that slip, especially a day after we were cheated out of a win by an umpire who is hopefully in jail. Has he refunded everyone’s ticket yet?

Wake the fuck up, Mets. It’s a long season. Familia’s ERA is over 4, the bullpen had an ERA over 9 for this series, and we’re STILL NOT HITTING. 

Flores came back just in time to go 0-3 (though it was Kershaw so whatever). 

Oh and by the way, Wright is likely headed to the DL. Shocker! 

Happy Memorial Day. Happy Harvey Day. We suck again. 

Against Kershaw, What Can Ya Do?

Mets put up a goose egg agsinst Kershaw.

3 hits, no runs, complete game…any other pitcher and I’d be barkin’ at the Mets but whatever. This one had the L penciled in as soon as the probable starters were announced. And that’s not a knock on Tolo.

Truth be told, I think you gotta sit Grandy and stick Conforto in right. Because come playoff time, or even stretch time, Conforto needs to be in this lineup every day. I know MadBum owned him and even maybe caused a slump but so what? If you’re obsessed with starting Juanny Beisbol against lefties, that’s fine and I’m not mad at it, but Yung Savior needs to be out there every day. 

We didn’t hit a home run last night (obviously), but now we head to Colorado. I’m very excited to see our bats do work out there. 

Thor, Gawd of Thunda!!

2 dingers! Thor had this to say: “Tonight was a direct result of Bartolo inspiring me to be a better man. #histrotwasbetter”

Gotta love the camaraderie and competition. Thor also let up 2 dingers but pitched a gem, otherwise. Very efficient but shitty hook Terry pulled him, anyway.

He was pulled after 8 for Fam in the 9th. That’s oooooookay, I guess. 

Other notes:

-Familia loves winning by 1 run. What’s up with that?

-Scrub ass Blanton has our number.

-AGon has the most stereotypical Carlos Mencia Mexican walk-up music.

-Campbell up with bases loaded?! We’re not a complete team end of story. 

Tonight: Colon v Kershaw! Ace v Ace! 

Mets Lock Down Last Game of Homestand; Shitty Late-Night Road Trip Starts Today

Nobody’s staying up for these games.

Mets win Mets win sweet homestand Braves blow Harvey blows dingers dingers dingers. Whatever. Braves are terrible. Good for us for looking good.

Now for an 11 game west coast road trip. That’s a mouthful, like the title of this article. I’ll be staying up but I don’t have a job. I don’t even think most die hards watch these games. Keith–who hated doing these cold May games–wouldn’t be caught dead at these games. He’s got the whole trip off. 

Next time someone argues against the modern athlete, and you don’t feel like using the usual “steroids were pushed by the league and legal and a sign of the times and everybody did them so the playing field was even” argument, give them this: When the FUCK did athletes start having to play in NYC one night, and then in San Diego the next night? That’s gotta give a little asterisk to the stats. Wah wah wah those poor athletes on their private planes, right? Eh, you try it. I can’t breathe or hear or walk straight for 3 days after a flight like that, let alone crush dingers. 

Jesus Is Good

New York Mets' Yoenis Cespedes (52) celebrates with teammate Daniel Murphy after hitting two-run home run during the ninth inning of a baseball game against the Atlanta Braves on Friday, Sept. 11, 2015, in Atlanta. (AP Photo/John Bazemore)

Mets 3, Dodgers 2 (Mets win NLDS 3-2)

“Jesus is good. Cespedes is hitting behind me.” -Murph, on his NLDS performance. I could not have said it better myself.

Jesus is SO good. Pray pray pray. Pray to the Lord of Light. Murph was the MVP of this series. 3 dingers off of the 2 “best” pitchers in beisbol. And some miracle baserunning. Highlight reel baserunning from Murph is a clear sign that Jesus is good. 

Fam put on a fucking CLINIC. deGrom’s balls are HUGE. Thor was throwing HEAT. Collins pushed all the right buttons–leaving in deGrom when he didn’t have anything close to his best stuff? Taking out Thor so Fam could throw a 6-out save? All the right buttons! Joe Maddon be damned!

Now we face the Cubs. They murked us in the regular season but that was pre-Cespedes. Also, Russell is OUT for the NLCS. That’s a huge break for us. Harvey game 1. At home. Let’s fucking go. Wright and Duda need to wake the fuck up. God damn this shit is stressful.

Welcome to Fluke City

Mets 8, Dodgers 0

Wow is Matz untradable. 5 aces. All untradable. As long as the pitchers keep getting RBIs, they’ll get Ws. That, and Puig looking like a dope out there in RF. 

We won a road series. Against a division leader. Suck my balls, LA. Your team is all glitter. 

Don’t get used to it. The Dodgers have bad fundies. The Giants and Bochy have been struggling, but they play sound baseball (except for maybe Pagan’s baserunning). We see them tonight. They’re coming from DC. Hopefully they’re jet lagged. That’s the best chance we’ve got.

Pre/Postblow: Mets…Win…?

We're all confused.
We’re all confused.

Mets 2, Dodgers 1

I guess we’re not THAT confused. Thor is an ace. The Mets only scored 2 runs. We win games 2-1. It happens. Pretty textbook. On the road, though? Crazier things have happened.

Chalk this one up to Vegas rigging. The Mets, with a greater chance of losing than for Kershaw to throw a no-no, were a LOCK. Vegas having the Mets down by astronomical odds. They never win on the road. They never win against good pitching. Blah blah blah. What a Vegas doublebluff. It was so obvious.

Some fun facts:

~Mayberry hit cleanup last night. That’s gold. I think Syndergaard is better suited for that spot. Having said that, Mayberry KILLS lefties, now doesn’t he? I’m sure Clayton was shaking in his boots when he saw the middle of our lineup.

~d’Arnaud officially has no timetable for his return.

~Howie Rose got sick. Feel better, Howie! You’re one of the good ones. And that is so rare.

~Wright is “optimistic.” About what? 2016?

~Justin Giantsbane, former Met, is batting .314 and will likely be an all-star. We let him walk. I guess he’s doing better because he has Peterson, AeGon, and Puig around him. Hmmm…teamwork? Talented lineup? Vat are zeez tings?

~Tejada is 5 for 9 lifetime against Kershaw. I guess Kershaw is dogshit.

PREBLOW: Harvey v Greinke. Same thing could happen. Why the hell not? Oh, because we’re the Mets, right.

Preblow: Mets Fly West To Die Over the Pacific

"The Mets? Really? I guess I'll skip my warmups to make it a little more fair." -Kershaw
“The Mets? Really? I guess I’ll skip my warmups to make it a little more fair.” -Kershaw

Ah yes, the great migration to the ocean. As the circle of life turns every summer, the Mets shall fly to the west coast to end their season just before the all-star game. We should be firmly out of contention by then.

Tonight, it’s Thor vs Kershaw. Is it possible that in Vegas a NO-HITTER from Kershaw has better odds than the Mets winning? I think it’s a 1% chance that the Mets win, and about a 10% chance that Kershaw throws a no-no. Real stats. Real facts. Real dogdoo team.

Thor will get a chance to bat, though. That could break up the no-no. He’s the only hitter on the team with a shot.