I’m ded. Legit ded from the lolz. Is this the most Metsian thing of all time? Ray Ramirez’s ghost also re-deaded from the lolz? Truly hilarious.
Cespedes came back from the DL yesterday, hit a (Yankee Stadium baby bitch) dinger, said, “my heels kinda hurt,” and OOPS he’s out for 10 months. Surgery time! No joke, Callaway said, “I didn’t know he said that” when asked about it. Real quote. The awareness!
Perhaps even funnier: he might not get the surgery right away. The Mets might opt to have him play. UNFUCKINGREAL. Because we’re so competitive this year? I dunno what the fuck will happen from here but let me take some wild guesses: 1) the Mets will fuck this up worse and Cespedes will never be healthy as a Met ever again, and 2) the Mets will lose a shitload of games. Whoa, call me Nostradamus.
P.S. I can hit a home run in Yankee baby bitch stadium. Lock. It’s the dumbest stadium ever. Wes Mantooth is assuredly pissed and wants the Yankees to stop hiding behind those phony numbers. Remember when Grandy hit like 50 dingers there? Yeesh. Judge and Stanton not having 80 each is sad for them.
Ramirez fired. What does it mean? Nothing. Stop celebrating. It’s too late. We’re already dead. You think this means Harvey and Matz are coming back? You think this means Wright is coming back? Yo? Conforto?! It’s all over. METS-AIDS comes from the Jewpons. All that’s left to do is pray that the Yankees lose. That’s a successful season for any intelligent Mets fan.
P.S. Now that he’s been fired, will he release the incriminating photos that he’s been using to blackmail the Jewpons for the past decade? Smart money is on a pic of Fred wearing a Hitler costume. Many also betting on Jeff and Fred involved in some kind of Carcosa/True Detective-type ritualistic rape/sacrifice of a 9-year-old.
The thing is, he knows it, too. 4 for 5 with a dinger just isn’t enough for this team. Gotta hit 5-run dingers. Probably gotta pitch, too.
Today, deGrom looks to avoid being swept by scrub-a-dub Joe Ross. I’d say it’s a must-win, but really WHO CARES?! The Nats don’t have the full-blown staff depth that we do! …Oops. Oh and Cespedes isn’t even playing! Get your brooms out!
Notice how casual the Nats are. This isn’t a rivalry. They don’t care. We could stand to reignite the rivalry by plunking Murph. But we won’t. Lifeless team. And we’re not good enough. We’ll never be good enough with Ramirez & the Jewpons. Ooooh this is such a lost season. It’s so sad. Good thing we’re a 2nd half team!
Why has anyone been watching? Really, we know how this works. We know the Mets. We ARE Cespedes. Learn your fucking lesson. Keep the training staff the FUCK away from him. Cespedes is all that matters. This is a legitimately optimistic post because the Mets actually win games when he’s healthy. 2 straight postseasons with 1 and ONLY 1 reason: Yo.
Do youz guyz even remember that? Searching for answers in a “lost” season. Even bothering to watch this trash fed to us by Jew snakes. Cespedes or we blow!! Every other conversation about “oh why is so and so strugg-a-ling” is a waste of breath. Jewpons are a plague and Yo is the only one with some kind of antibodies. He’s Wolverine AND Hulk AND Jesus (mah fav comic book hero) mixed in one. How have you all forgotten this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
And the countdown to Wheeler’s next injury begins!
Our offensive futility was known. Yo’s dinger would have been 500ft if not for the wind. He’s so ‘trong. He also looks miserable out there. He loves that hot hot heat. I don’t blame him. New York is a shitty, cold town until it’s nice for about a minute and then the summer hits and it smells like hot garbage before getting cold again, just like our bats will be should we return to the playoffs. Playoffs?!
La Potencia!!! 4y/$110m. Totally fair for the hardest hitting player in the fucking league. And on this, the day wordpress is asking me to renew my account. Guess I gotta do it. Guess it’s thanks to me. Thanks to us, Metsblow nation. We prayed and we forced those Jews to cough up a little bit of Jew gold.
The Cubs are scared, and likely still drunk. Now we pray for good health and we’ve got a fucking shot. It’s actually a good time to be a Mets fan, and we all know Yo was the turning point.
Mets still blow, and will find new ways to blow, but we blow a lot less today.