The Mets Should Have Beaned Posey

God fucking dammit the Mets blow. Conforto is dead. Hit in the wrist and the injury was mismanaged, of course, and now he’s dead. But where was the retribution?! This is part of it, people!! It’s not just on Ramirez. Teams aren’t scared of us! They can hit Conforto no biggie! Hard slides (Utley-Tejada lolz) on em? Sure! The Mets are soft! We should’ve beaned Posey. At least plunk somebody! FUCK!! Coach Wally wouldn’t let this shit fly. Conforto for fucks sake! On a 3-2 pitch. 

Gsellman’s best contribution to the team this season is that he got hurt (dead) today and said, “we’re dropping like flies.” I like it. Really callin’ out the shittiness. They’re so bad. Ray Ramirez should be arrested for genocide. 

‘Member the Collapses?

Two games up? Three games left? Mets fans don’t want to eat ‘member berries right now. No nostalgia for us. If we don’t make the (stupid one-game) postseason, it will be considered a big, FAT collapse. The Phillies blow. 

The Giants have been collapsing since the break, but the difference between them and the ’07 (or ’08) Mets is that they’re the kind of franchise that hangs on. The Mets have made the playoffs in back-to-back seasons only once (’99-’00) in franchise history. That’s true dogshit.

Let’s GO YO. Let’s go Jose. Let’s go Dru. Let’s go TJ. TJ has been the difference in our lineup. So has TJ surgery on our beleaguered staff, but it’s nice to see The Bronx Bomber getting it done. Oops Matz is dead (duhh). Oops Duda is dead (duhh). Next man up. These ain’t surprises. 

By the way, the Cardinals game was rigged last night. They walked off on a GRD except the runner was on 1st. And the Reds have just completely checked out. They don’t even get mad about getting hosed. Price should be fired. He’s likely trying to get fired. Good job, MLB! 

And Now For a Real Test

Conforto the young BULL

So the Mets “did their job” and swept the doodoo Reds. Conforto is a beast (thank god they didn’t let the kid see Vegas), Harvey settled in, Walker trotted around the bases with his 1-year contract in hand, and the backups (Juanny Beisbol, De Aza, Plawecki…) showed us the meaning of depth. 

Not sooooo faaaaast. The Mets looked like SHIT. We botched a pickle for fucks sake! We’re not smooth. Now the real test comes with SF in this weekend. We won’t be able to beat them playing the way we’ve been playing.

Take a look at these pitching matchups!

Fri: Matz/Peavy

Sat: deGrom/Cain 

Sun: Thor/Madbum

Daaaaaamn. Exciting stuff.

On Plawecki: Last year, every time d’Arnaud got hurt, TC said that his job was safe. Not this time! TC referred to Wally Pipp and he, like everyone else, knows that TDA is dead and now it’s Plawecki’s job to keep, so long as he hits. 

Postblow: Ah, Now That’s More Like It

Giants 3, Mets 0

Ah, yes, all is right in Metsland. We’re back on our historic pace of most times getting shut the fuck out.


~I see Ruben Sangwich is back at the 2-hole. Awesome. Real embarrassment to 2-hitters everywhere. It makes me angry that I’m considering my adept-at-hitting brother for the 2-hole on our softball team. (His words: “Softball is different. There’s no bunting or stealing. And besides, we get the most at bats.”) True, true. Good to see Ruben getting all these ABs.

~All in on Cap’n Kirk? He’s batting a muscular .095 this season. Did the Angels just throw him in a dumpster? And that dumpster┬átraveled to Vegas? Why is he back here? We rejected him, every other team in the league rejected him, and now we’ve seen some kind of x-factor and brought him back?

—The Perfect juxaposition, of course, is that Hunter Pence returned for SF today and played stellar defense and hit 2 guys in.

~”Cain looking┬ávery hittable…as long as you’re not the Mets.” -Ron Darling

~The Mets made run-costing errors in the field. Again, as I stated above, all is right again in Metsland.

~Grandy getting doubled up at home on a shallow foul out by Tejada. Nice play, Hunter Pence. Nicer play, Mets. Just spectacular. We keep outshitting ourselves. You’d think we would’ve run out of diapers by now.

~During the top of the 9th, I checked the score app on my phone to review some things. However, the game wasn’t on the home screen. It was listed as “past.” I had to go into the archives. They called the game. Just straight called it. Put it in the books. Mets down 3-0 in the 9th? Update that “9” to an “F” please thank you good job. I’m all for that. It really shoulda been called before it started. Matt Cain? Get the fuck outta here.

Post/Preblow: Back to Back Shutouts

Mets 3, Giants 0

Well, all it takes for the Mets to win is letting up zero runs!

We’ve known this for some time. CGSOs or bust is the motto for the starting rotation. Niese was electric, and Familia got the save. Niese’s trade value is at it’s highest right now, so I’m sure the maverick will hold onto him and miss the trade deadline.

Tonight, Tolo vs Cain. Cain will probably bean David Wright and not receive retaliation for it. Oh, wait, that happened 5 years ago and Wright was never the same again? Ah, I see. 

Preblow: Another NoNo?

The Mets travel to SF to take on the Giants, the other former NY team that the Mets took their colors from.

The Mets took 2 out of 3 in LA. But LA is all sizzle and no steak; all glamour and no substance. The Giants have the rings and the fundies and the coaching and the depth. 

They also have Heston–basically a scrub pitcher–who no hit us just a few weeks ago. Can the Mets get 1 hit tonight? Tune in and watch! It’s sure to be a thrill. The Mets, scoring 8 runs yesterday, have reached their quota for the entire week, so don’t expect a run. But can we expect a hit? …No. We cannot. 

Welcome to Fluke City

Mets 8, Dodgers 0

Wow is Matz untradable. 5 aces. All untradable. As long as the pitchers keep getting RBIs, they’ll get Ws. That, and Puig looking like a dope out there in RF. 

We won a road series. Against a division leader. Suck my balls, LA. Your team is all glitter. 

Don’t get used to it. The Dodgers have bad fundies. The Giants and Bochy have been struggling, but they play sound baseball (except for maybe Pagan’s baserunning). We see them tonight. They’re coming from DC. Hopefully they’re jet lagged. That’s the best chance we’ve got.

Postblow: Celebrate Winning 1 Out of 3!


Mets 5, Giants 4

The sycophantic Mets blogs will tell you to celebrate the walk-off win. They’ll tell you that we’re in 1st place. CEEELLLLEEEBBRRRAAATTEE GOOD TIMES, C’MON!!

I have things to point out:

1) The Nats are ALSO doodoo. NL Least for sure.

2) The Giants are NOT. They’re damn good. They made two mistakes all series. They were both in the 9th inning last night. An HBP and a PB. It cost them the sweep. Their fundies should be lauded for the most part.

3) How many times has Campbell or Flores or Murph made a ground ball error with Niese on the mound followed by a dinger? It happened last night. It’s happened before and will happen again. Fundies! Composure! We have neither.

4) The takeaway of the game: Duda got the IBB in the 9th and Cuddy made them pay. Biggest thing ever. 2006 Mets: Wright had Delgado and Beltran and Floyd around him…not to mention Reyes leading off. Wright and Duda haven’t been healthy at the same time yet in Mets history. If d’Arnaud and Cuddy can provide Duda with protection, he’ll rock it.

5) The Mets are 25-4 when scoring 4+ runs. Taken in the context of our record (32-29), this is perhaps the most ridiculous stat I have ever seen. It means, essentially, that we should be a 110 win team.

6) Plawecki is still dizzy as fuck.

Preblow: SF Should Have Their Brooms Handy

Hardly a matchup
Hardly a matchup

Tonight we’ll see Lincecum–who has found it again–battle Niese. Hmmm, I wonder who the polls are predicting to win this one…

All aboard the Sweep Express, CHOO CHOOOO. *Note: Jeff Wilpon will not be on the train, as he does not associate with the poors.

My war room [thank you war room!] has given me these numbers: Since our 11 game win streak, we have won 4 series (what’s the plural of series? Serieseseses?), split 2 series, and now have lost 8.

That win streak was in the long, LONG ago. This season has been dreadful. Fuck it. Bring up Conforto. Do something because we are fucking TERRIBLE.

Postblow, Preblow, No-No

Let's go ahead and enjoy this picture
Let’s go ahead and enjoy this picture

Giants 5, Mets 0…and 0 hits as well.

It’s only 1 game. We’re still in 1st place! Hahahaha. No big deal. I’m surprised that studs like Recker, Soupman, and Money Muno weren’t able to get hits.

At least it was Bumgarner and not some doodoo rookie scrub, right? RIIIIGHT?

Pagan had an RBI. Hahahahaha. Good thing we got rid of him for Andres Torres.

The Mets are dead last in turning double plays. THE FUNDIES!!

Plawecki was once again out with the dizzies. Hello, HELLOOOOO, may I please go vertigo? Well, with the stud Anthony Recker on the squad, it’s no big deal! TDA returns today so send down Plawecki because he needs his reps! Some drunken roulette spins in Vegas should stave off the dizziness.

Kevin Plawecki: File Photo
Kevin Plawecki: File Photo

[PREBLOW] Matt Harvey vs Tim Hudson tonight. CGSO or bust, Matt! You know it! We know it! Everyone in Metsblownation fucking knows it. Good fucking luck getting a W with this team. Enjoy your Yankee pinstripes in 3 years. God fucking dammit.

And a few additional blows for ya:

1) In the bottom of the 9th, all 3 outs (Muno, Grandy, Ruben) were backwards Ks. Metsblow.

2) Pitching in relief for the first time this year, Dillon Gee, perhaps out of spite, let up a dinger to the first batter he faced.

3) It’s uhhh…only…uhhh…one game. Oh wait, the Mets are 13-17 in their last 30 games? It’s uhh…only 30 games…