Syndergaard’s Dead

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He dead, yo.

Syndergaard’s on the DL. Yo we know is already dead. Conforto already missed a month and is always one swing away from popping that shoulder back out. Even deGrom has missed starts. And when he starts, he’ll let up 1 run or fewer and leave with a no-decision and the Mets will lose late, anyway.

It was never Ray Ramirez. Well, it was, but not ONLY him. It has always been the Wilpons. We should all hold hands outside of Citifield and one-by-one kill ourselves until the Wilpons agree to sell. It’s the only way. Actually, fuck killing ourselves. Somebody hire a Faceless Man to give Jeff Wilpon a gift.

Let’s take bets. Thor’s on the 10-day DL. How many days until he pitches again? 10 days? 10 weeks? 10 years? The answer is NEVER AGAIN in a Mets uniform. He will not heal until he’s got those Yankee pinstripes on. Then it’ll be Cy Young after Cy Young after championship after championship. Actually, he prolly won’t win the Cy Young because deGrom (also a Yankee) will.

Please trade them. Please trade them. Please trade them. Not because they’re hurt. Not because we’ll get good prospects in return (because we all know we’ll just fuck their careers up, too). Please trade them because I like them. I want deGrom to get wins. I want Thor to throw a baseball again. It won’t happen on the Mets. Fuck the Mets. I want my guys to be happy. I’d rather them be happy on another team (preferably somewhere far away like Seattle) than stuck here in this Jew desert wandering astray forever.

 

What deFuck?


The Marlins without Stanton are like the Mets without Cespedes. They should lose every game. Just don’t pitch to Yellich. But with Ye looking like Yo, and with us pitching to his skinny white ass for no apparent reason, we managed to blow the good feelings we had built up over the series.

Ace on the mound? Check. With extra rest? Check. Ace gets beat up for the 3rd straight time? Check. Ace seen with trainer/Dr. Kevorkian Ray Ramirez? Check.

So it’s simply about stepping up, now. Conforto. Montero. Ynoa. Just gotta step up. That’s all there is to it. We’re beleaguered and here come the Nats ready to wipe us off the map. There’s no hiding. The prospects have to step up. Jelly has to step up. Pen has to step up. Never put Smoker in again. I can’t believe he was in in the first place, but I guess Terry conceded the game once deGrom got touched up. Yo wasn’t even in the lineup so Jake never had a chance. Thanks Terry.

deAd? Say It Ain’t So

MLB: New York Mets at St. Louis Cardinals
Don’t pat him too hard, Terry. He’s aching.

I’ve never done seent deGrom pitch so poorly once, let alone twice in a row. I can only assume he’s badly injured. Bye bye ace! Bye bye rotation! I fucking love deGrom. We all do, obviously. He’s the only good player on the team, really (besides Yo). And now he’s probably deAd. He’s just letting up dinger after dinger. It’s so fucking bad.

So what the fuck are the Mets gonna do? Where the fuck is Montero!? What a classic Mets prospect!

Also, Bruce got what was practically his first hit ever as a Met and then came up lame. He should be fine. Apparently it’s a re-aggravation from when he fouled a ball off his leg this past weekend. At least he got a fucking hit.

Terry is really bad at making the lineup. Make a damn lineup and stick to it. Our pitching has fallen apart but we’ve actually been scoring runs recently. Reyes 1, Dru 2, and so on. It’s not complicated. I guess it’s tougher with Neil on paternity leave. But it’s not. Really, it’s not. Yo 1, Yo 2, Yo 3…

 

 

The Last Wheel Done Come Off

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Hey, at least we’ve still got our pitching, right? Oh, Fam can’t even get it done anymore? Well, at least we’ve still got our starting pitching, RIGHT!?

Nope. We now officially have NOTHING. We have less than what Jon Snow knows.

For the record–deGrom is still my boy. It’s just one game. But maaaaaaaan did we need this one. You can’t “get to” Bumgarner and lose. Jeeeez who the fuck had the Over in this game? Shit must’ve been goin off at 10:1 or something. Amazing. Nobody could’ve seen it coming. The only thing that everyone saw coming was that the Mets would lose so I guess it all ended up as predicted.

deBest

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deGrom is deBest. We know this. It’s more than just the actual performances on the mound, including yesterday’s CG 1-hit shutout. It’s also the fact that he opted out of the ASG to rest up. It’s also the fact that he’s so cool, calm, and collected–and therefore respected. That’s not to say he lacks a joie de vivre–far from it–but it’s just that he’s focused. He’s deBest.

But fuck all this. My softball team went 3-0 this weekend and the Mets should’ve, too. Game 2 was atrocious. No situational hitting. It’s just pathetic. There are a lot of questions up in the air now. Here’s how they should be answered and here’s how the Mets will likely answer them.

1) Conforto back up/Nimmo down. They should play Conforto in RF when they can and help Cespedes heal his legs by keeping him in left and Lagares in center. Cespedes even openly stated he would prefer this. Terry will probably botch all of this and start de Aza.

2) The situational hitting is atrocious. Bunt drills. Sac fly drills. Drills drills drills. Come early. Stay late. The ’86 Mets never went home after a game. The team stayed to watch film and drill or hit the weight room. Everyone will go home. They’re not being paid enough to stay late and Terry’s a “players’ manager” but really he’s just a pushover.

3) As a result of being out and about a lot this weekend, I listened to a lot of Mets baseball on the radio. Josh Jewin should be shot, or at least fired…out of a cannon. He’s fucking dogshit. The Jewpons and the conservative monsters at 710 WOR will likely promote Jewin and fire Howie Rose. Rose was not present this weekend, leaving Wayne to fill in for him. Wayne might be even worse than Josh.  

4) The Jewpons jewed out on Gourriel, who got signed by the Astros. It would be more odious and shocking if I wasn’t already so accustomed to their hard J ways. Nobody thought we’d get them. The part that pisses me off is when I see reports that the Mets were interested. Keep spinning it, PR team! We were toooootally interested.

 

Jesus Returns to Help deGrom, Mets


It’s so obvious! Nimmo hits his first dinger, and after the game he said, “thank the lord, thank the lord!”

Jesus is back! He hath returned. Does Nimmo hate gays as much as Murph? Probably not, so therefore he’s not as good of a Christian, but Jesus is with us again.

deGrom didn’t have a win since April 30 despite an ERA under 3. Great job, team. Way to support your boy. Jesus didn’t make it easy for deGrom to get through 5. He looked very sharp but multiple rain delays may have taxed his arm.

We live and die by the dinger. 5 dingers last night (2 for Dru, 1 for Lonestar, Yo, and Nimmo). Glad to see we can still hit them on occasion.