Why Is Everyone So Happy?

Familia got the save.

Yeah we won but why is everyone so fucking happy? Cespedes is hurtin’. We’re making errors out there. We’re SUPPOSED to crush this team. Nice to see all-stars Colon and Fam lookin so sexy but jeeeeez, everyone (team & fanbase) is acting like we’re so great. It’s nice to come out of the break with a win but holy shit, keep your noses to the grindstone. 

I’m On Break


What? You want midseason grades or something? If you’re on the team*, and your name isn’t Yoenis, do better. If your name IS Yoenis, get healthy. The end.

*I suppose the pitching staff has done damn close to what was expected so far. Time to get tough, though.

P.S. This isn’t news but maaaan can Stanton hit the shit out of the ball. Well deserved derby chip. Praaaaaay for Yo.

What’s the Point Without Yo?

Yo and the firing squad with a front row seat to the pain.

What’s the point without Yo? This game was over before it started. And without Gary, Keith, and Ron? God the FOX broadcasts are fucking brutal. Matz has to put up a GEM tomorrow. Give us some good vibes going into the break. Zeroes or bust. Without Cespedes, we reeeeeeaaaally blow.

Logan can’t cut it. We should get Ervin Santana or something. Get Gourriel you cheap fucking Jews!! He won’t cost a single player. Don’t you get that winning is what will make you the most money? Isn’t that so fucking obvious by now? We are lacking in personnel, plain and simple.

Good to Burn Out Pre-ASB

Strasburg that dumbo-eared freak! Outdueled the Norse God. Coming off the DL, he had a nono 6.2 deep and got pulled. Then, against us, until Cabrera’s big ass bomb in the 5th (the ball is flyyyying out…flew out on Thor, too), he didn’t let up a hit. That’s damn fine work.

We lost 2 all stars and Harvey in the same day. Lagares (in Yo’s spot) hit into a DP. Why didn’t Reyes run? That was kinda the game. 
It’s a good time for rest. We usually go into the break hot and then have an ice cold second half. Good to go cold now and rest up. These aren’t the biggest games of all time. They matter. But a healthy Yo in the 2nd half matters a lot more. The team goes as he goes.

The Summer Wind is Blowing Out

Hang on to your bathing suits. The summer wind is blowing waaaaay out.

A new Citi record for dingdongs? Wowzers. Murphy is obviously on steroids. Or maybe he just prays the best? He prays so good. When he boots the ball in the wildcard game against the Dodgers, we’ll quietly (loudly) tip our caps to Neil.

Babe Flores did it again. With Bryce Harper shushing the crowd and Murph screaming his fag-hating head off, Flores hit a go-ahead, three-run bomb to the 2nd deck off of Ollie Perez. Ollie Perez lolz. What the fuck is he doing on a supposedly good team? By the way Murph, you know Bryce Harper’s gay, right? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but we all know you do. The way he sassed the crowd? His hair? His Nattitude? Fucking GAAAAY.

Is Babe Flores a quntuple entendre? 1) He’s a babe. A stud. A fox. 2) Babe Ruth. 3) He’s still so young. 4) He has piggish nostrils. Still a fox, though. 5) He cried like a biiiitch when he got not-traded. Wee li’uhl bay-bee. You’re welcome, shitty writers of the world.

In the 9th, Murph–the steroid abusing, brain-farting, can’t field for shit stud that he is–got robbbbbbbed by Asdrubal. Great play. And then we finally got our piece of the Utley pie. That was a nice bonus.

Jose Reyes hit a dinger. He also got picked off? He stole and then unstole? What was that shit about? Get it together on the basepaths there, Jose.

I don’t mind that Collins left Colon** in. Harvey is dead with Jurassic Park syndrome. Out for season. RIP. Hopefully back for start of 2017 but we must stay focused. Wheeler’s return is delayed indefinitely. Bone spurs everywhere. Our pets heads are falling off! Let rubber arm Colon go. Why not? Colon not only knows how to pitch, but he also seemingly knows how to stay healthy. “How to Stay Healthy” by Big Sexy: 1) cultivate mass. 2) be in a radioactive explosion like Mr. Fantastic and come away with a rubber arm. Sexy Fantastic didn’t have it last night, but fortunately our bullpen doesn’t feature Ollie Perez. Or a guy that chokes MVPs in the dugout. Good job, Sandy!

Gutsy win. Gusty win, too, because the winds are bloooooooowing.

**Update: Sexy Fantastic is officially named to the All-Star Team! And it’s in San Diego, too. In case you need a reminder of what Tolo did in SD, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzLERV9l9Vs


Mets Up; Harvey Down


What did you expect? You thought we could have nice things?

Harvey’s dead. We all figured it was some type of injury. It’s his shoulder. Yikes. Could be out for a while–maybe until next season. Maybe just 15 days. Further tests are needed.

deGrom knows how to pitch. He let up two solo dingers to Stanton but we had runs to spare and hedidn’t pitch to him with runners on. It’s NOT COMPLICATED!

Reyes hit two doubles and Flores hit two dingers (again). Grandy actually had a clutch hit. Fam with the save. We took care of the Marlins. We should’ve swept but we don’t know how to play sound baseball.

We’re more than halfway through. Things start to take shape now. It’s still not good to scoreboard watch. You should take care of your own. Do your job and it all falls into place. Buuuuuut: 4 games back behind Wsh. 4 games at home against Wsh. SO BIG!

Mets Are Poorly Taught; Poorly Coached


Ooh, good idea Matz! Get into a dick measuring contest with the most powerful guy in the fucking league! Way to let the dog off the leash, Collins! Yeah, go for it! Clinging to a 1-0 lead with a runner on base? Let’s let the one guy in the lineup who can beat us beat us!

Oh, not enough? Ready for round 2? Well if Matz couldn’t beat him, surely Goeddel can. Oh it’s 3-0? Let’s still NOT put him on! He can’t hit this heat! NO WAY!

Awful baseball. Just awful. They don’t know how to pitch. I wish I knew a bookie, because when Stanton came up and I saw that Matz was going to go after him, I wanted to bet a billy that Stanton was going to crush one.

The Yo Show continued today with a dinger and the official nod for the all star game starting job. I could watch him and Stanton mash all day. Th…the power.

Reyes’s return was uneventful. Zero hits of a baseball or of a wife. It’s just one game. We’ll see how the season goes. I’m still hopeful for Gourriel. De Aza hit a dinger today, which was nice to see after the Mets sent Reynaldo down, rather than cutting De Aza. Not gonna let that money go to waste, eh Jeffy? Besides, Reynolds needs his reps!




What is Metsie Baseball?

I’m watching the game and I’m thinking, “AAAAAnd we’re back to Mets baseball.” 2nd inning Nimmo overthrow. Call overturned correctly then Harvey pitching to 8 hitter so fucking greedy already down a run and with 1st base open…CRACK! Yo made a sweet bare hand play off the wall that meant nothing but was cool. Aaaaand Harvey let up a hit to the pitcher anyway.

So the OF got exposed early. Yo diiiid win a gold glove in LF and Nimmo is supposedly a CF. Grandy has no arm in RF. Back to Metsie baseball! Bad gameplan from the start! Collins is too busy with the ASG roster, I guess.

Nobody tried to calm Harvey down or talk to him after a long delay. Where’s TDA? Warthen? Collins? I think Rivera should be catching Harvey. He helps pitchers. Though TDA hit a dinger. Rivera hit a dinger on Sunday but it was wind-assisted big time.

4th inning: Bahahaha Harvey spikes an easy double play into the ground. Mets baseball!
But how quickly we forget: Jesus is back. Yoenis is back. Our bullpen is solid and the Fins suck. Everybody did a little something something and Yo delivered the capper. We’re so fucking hot right now. Carry it as long as you can.

*If we played this game right, it could’ve been an 8-1 laugher. But where’s the drama in that?? Metsie baseball!

**Also, tonight marks Reyes’ return to the team. Does anyone epitomize Metsie baseball better than him? A shitload of talent with no rings to show for it. Always injured. Unsteady relationships with fans, ownership, etc. Released when he could’ve been traded for valuable pieces. He is every Met player in a nutshell. And his wife with tears streaming down her beaten face is us, the fans.

No More Tears

Nice throwing error, Wilmer. When Reyes is throwing bullets from 3rd, people are going to recognize that you don’t belong on the left side of the infield.

But hey, 6 for 6 with 2 dingers. A rout. A sweep. An electric performance from Thor. 5 dingers in total. The wind was blowing waaaay out. Angels in the outfield moving the ball for us because of Nimmo and because I was there and I pray all the time. Did Matt Reynolds strand the bases loaded twice? Yup. Did we get shut down by Miguel Montero? Yup. We can still enjoy sweeping the “best” team in the league.

Are We Back?

Are we back? Just as Joe Buck is saying what a terrible move it was to let Murph walk, Walker hits a two run dinger off of Arrieta. You did it again, Joe. 

Colon dazzled. He took advantage of an amorphic strike zone. It was beautiful. Reed with a strong hold and Fam with a 1-2-3 save.

I’m going to the game today. Get your brooms out!