A new Citi record for dingdongs? Wowzers. Murphy is obviously on steroids. Or maybe he just prays the best? He prays so good. When he boots the ball in the wildcard game against the Dodgers, we’ll quietly (loudly) tip our caps to Neil.

Babe Flores did it again. With Bryce Harper shushing the crowd and Murph screaming his fag-hating head off, Flores hit a go-ahead, three-run bomb to the 2nd deck off of Ollie Perez. Ollie Perez lolz. What the fuck is he doing on a supposedly good team? By the way Murph, you know Bryce Harper’s gay, right? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but we all know you do. The way he sassed the crowd? His hair? His Nattitude? Fucking GAAAAY.

Is Babe Flores a quntuple entendre? 1) He’s a babe. A stud. A fox. 2) Babe Ruth. 3) He’s still so young. 4) He has piggish nostrils. Still a fox, though. 5) He cried like a biiiitch when he got not-traded. Wee li’uhl bay-bee. You’re welcome, shitty writers of the world.

In the 9th, Murph–the steroid abusing, brain-farting, can’t field for shit stud that he is–got robbbbbbbed by Asdrubal. Great play. And then we finally got our piece of the Utley pie. That was a nice bonus.

Jose Reyes hit a dinger. He also got picked off? He stole and then unstole? What was that shit about? Get it together on the basepaths there, Jose.

I don’t mind that Collins left Colon** in. Harvey is dead with Jurassic Park syndrome. Out for season. RIP. Hopefully back for start of 2017 but we must stay focused. Wheeler’s return is delayed indefinitely. Bone spurs everywhere. Our pets heads are falling off! Let rubber arm Colon go. Why not? Colon not only knows how to pitch, but he also seemingly knows how to stay healthy. “How to Stay Healthy” by Big Sexy: 1) cultivate mass. 2) be in a radioactive explosion like Mr. Fantastic and come away with a rubber arm. Sexy Fantastic didn’t have it last night, but fortunately our bullpen doesn’t feature Ollie Perez. Or a guy that chokes MVPs in the dugout. Good job, Sandy!

Gutsy win. Gusty win, too, because the winds are bloooooooowing.

**Update: Sexy Fantastic is officially named to the All-Star Team! And it’s in San Diego, too. In case you need a reminder of what Tolo did in SD, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzLERV9l9Vs