The Summer Wind is Blowing Out

summerwind
Hang on to your bathing suits. The summer wind is blowing waaaaay out.

A new Citi record for dingdongs? Wowzers. Murphy is obviously on steroids. Or maybe he just prays the best? He prays so good. When he boots the ball in the wildcard game against the Dodgers, we’ll quietly (loudly) tip our caps to Neil.

Babe Flores did it again. With Bryce Harper shushing the crowd and Murph screaming his fag-hating head off, Flores hit a go-ahead, three-run bomb to the 2nd deck off of Ollie Perez. Ollie Perez lolz. What the fuck is he doing on a supposedly good team? By the way Murph, you know Bryce Harper’s gay, right? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but we all know you do. The way he sassed the crowd? His hair? His Nattitude? Fucking GAAAAY.

Is Babe Flores a quntuple entendre? 1) He’s a babe. A stud. A fox. 2) Babe Ruth. 3) He’s still so young. 4) He has piggish nostrils. Still a fox, though. 5) He cried like a biiiitch when he got not-traded. Wee li’uhl bay-bee. You’re welcome, shitty writers of the world.

In the 9th, Murph–the steroid abusing, brain-farting, can’t field for shit stud that he is–got robbbbbbbed by Asdrubal. Great play. And then we finally got our piece of the Utley pie. That was a nice bonus.

Jose Reyes hit a dinger. He also got picked off? He stole and then unstole? What was that shit about? Get it together on the basepaths there, Jose.

I don’t mind that Collins left Colon** in. Harvey is dead with Jurassic Park syndrome. Out for season. RIP. Hopefully back for start of 2017 but we must stay focused. Wheeler’s return is delayed indefinitely. Bone spurs everywhere. Our pets heads are falling off! Let rubber arm Colon go. Why not? Colon not only knows how to pitch, but he also seemingly knows how to stay healthy. “How to Stay Healthy” by Big Sexy: 1) cultivate mass. 2) be in a radioactive explosion like Mr. Fantastic and come away with a rubber arm. Sexy Fantastic didn’t have it last night, but fortunately our bullpen doesn’t feature Ollie Perez. Or a guy that chokes MVPs in the dugout. Good job, Sandy!

Gutsy win. Gusty win, too, because the winds are bloooooooowing.

**Update: Sexy Fantastic is officially named to the All-Star Team! And it’s in San Diego, too. In case you need a reminder of what Tolo did in SD, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzLERV9l9Vs

 

Meet the Fucking Matz


Other than the dinger to Klay Thompson’s brother, Matz was beautiful. He even got an RBI (our pitchers are finally getting in on the action). Matz is a lefty. Sky’s the limit for him. Horses, baby! Horses!

Terry made a bad move with two on and two out. He should’ve brought in Conforto to face the righty. He didn’t. Juan struck out on 3 pitches and then made an error in the field. You can’t predict the error (first time ever that I’ve seen Juanny Beisbol miss an easy one), but Conforto should’ve pinch hit. End of story. 

The ghost of Daniel Murphy was on the basepaths for us. Name the ridiculous ways to get thrown out at 2nd base. The Mets did almost all of them in one game. 

This time, Bastardo got bailed out by Henderson. Bastardo looked okay, I thought, but is wild and got squeezed. The officiating was horrendous in this game. Grandy got rung up on a 3-2 pitch a foot high and away. Is the umping always this bad and anti-Mets? I mean it’s not like the umps would cheat to help the Dodgers win by putting Utley on 2nd base or anything, right? Wait. 

Neil Walker has minor deadness but is supposedly back tonight.

TDA has major deadness and we may never see his light again. 

Murphy Declines Qualifying Offer

  
First of all, fuckin’ gays are all over the place. Second, this WOULD be good news if the Mets could get Zobrist. 

Here’s what will actually happen: We’ll get a 1st round pick and Murph will go to SF, NYY, or another strong competitor in 2016. Our 1st round pick should come up at just about the time that we lose Harvey. 

Also, we won’t get Zobrist or even Jelly. Herrera will get 500 ABs. He looked like dog doo in the Show. If he gets 500 ABs (seems likely at this point), the O/U is .245/.300 and I’m taking the under both times, and I’m also setting a prop bet that if he magically is hitting .265 or better by June, he will get injured. 

So it’s not official yet, I guess, but say goodbye to Murph. Would’ve loved if you called the bluff and accepted the offer, but sadly I understand your move and I think it’s the correct one. Jesus is good. 

The Language They Use to Talk About Murphy

  

Everyone in Metsland aka Liarsville is saying Murph will be back tomorrow.

…or are they?!

Look at how they don’t actually lie. Look at their carefully crafted, well articulated bullshit talk:

“Murphy is expected to return Tuesday.”

“Murphy is set to return tomorrow.”

“Murphy is preparing to rejoin the team.”

Ooooh, those snakes. Just like he was EXPECTED to play last Saturday, and the Tuesday before that one. 

And note how they subconsciously put the onus on the player. Like, “oooh he’s expected to return. So if he doesn’t, it’s really HIS fault, and not the fault of our completely inept organization and medical staff. We expect him back.”

Don’t believe a word from any Mets press. Only Metsblow. We are the truth. They are all members of the Ponzi scheme. Don’t be fooled. Murph is dead. Believe he will be in the lineup when you see him in the batter’s box, and not a moment sooner. 

“Jose Reyes is expected back tomorrow.” 

Mets Call Up Herrera; Reynolds May Be Called Up Next

It’s about fucking time. The Mets’ middle infield is the worst I EVER DONE SEENT. The best guys should be out there. For now, while Wright remains on the DL, Murph will move to third.

Flores at SS could be done forever in two weeks. They may bring up Reynolds. That’s fine. I don’t care anymore. This team is about pitching. You have to protect the pitching. You can’t brag about your pitching and then have the worst defensive infield in MLB history. You have to protect your pitchers.

I don’t think Murph will be on the team next year. I think Flores will play 2nd–maybe, if he hits–and Reynolds will play short. I think Herrera will also play 2nd and Flores will play 3rd when David Wright gets injured again, because we all know that’s coming.

Who can hit? Who can field? Do we have someone that can do both? Wally Backman claims that Reynolds and Herrera can do both. PROVE IT! Find some fucking major leaguers and play them!

Happy Recap: Redemption Is Spelled D-A-N

Mets 3, Marlins 1

Welp, this game was Keith Hernandez’s dream. 1:58 game time and a Mets win.

Game Balls:

~Murphy, with the 3-run, GW dinger in the 9th. And he flashed his leather (perhaps his pleather) in the bottom of the frame.

~Gee, who pitched brilliantly for 7.2 innings. Ground ball city. He gets the ND because the Mets can’t hit.

~Smallhat Torres, for throwing 1 pitch and getting 1 win. And it wasn’t no joke pitch! He got Stanton to pop out with runners at the corners.

~Familia, for getting the save. He’s in some kinda groove. It all looked so familiar.

Liveblow: Middle Infield Makes First Error

Oops!
Oops!

And in the top of the 1st, the much-scrutinized-for-their-lack-of-defense middle infield makes their first error. Murphy with the throwing error! It’s gonna be a middle infield for the record books, folks.

But hey, at least he’s not a fag, right? We should be thankful that Murphy even took the field, what with all the fags out there. Murph’s gotta save them from eternal hell-fire. He’s HELPING them!

Murphy Limps To The Clubhouse

Murphy is limping. It is known. Great.

Is a limping Murphy better than Tejada? Yes. Is a ripped hammy Murph better? Probably, but we really don’t want that.

The Mets’ bargain bin crack medical staff is on it once again! Jews are usually so xenophobic when it comes to doctors. Other than for the discount, why else would our cheap Jew fuck owners hire Mexicans? That’s a rhetorical question. Metsblow.

Murphy To Play Opening Day?

Apprently Murph is gonna play? I assume it’s a hologram. Or they’ll just have Tejada put on his jersey and hope nobody will notice. I wonder how his distinctly Hispanic walk-up music will work against Murphy’s distinctly Irish tune.

Murphy’s hammy will be 100% on Opening Day. 100% removed from his body and dangling lifelessly off of 2nd base. #PrayForMurphy

Murph’s Dead

The Mets are reporting that Daniel Murphy may not play Opening Day.

Duhhhhhh. We knew this two weeks ago.

The second he was listed as “day to day,” it was the eternal superlock of the millennium that he was dead. 

God the Mets’ buffoonery knows no bounds. What’s amazing is that they still do press releases thinking they’ll fool us with their lies and damage control. Metsblow knows better, thank you very much.