Month: March 2015

Money Muno Batting Fif?

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Today, Danny “Money” Muno is batting fif! 1 2 3 4 fiiiif!!

Wow, now that’s lack of depth in action. He’s only called up because of injury. He’s not even on the baseball prospectus list. He’s not on anyone’s radar. He’s immediately slotted fif.

Yeah, things’ll be reeeaaaallly different this year :-/

P.S. This isn’t a real strategy. This isn’t how baseball works. You don’t lose a player to injury and then just bring a no-name guy up from AAA. If someone is slated to come up–someone like Matz–and there is an injury to his counterpart, then yeah, that’d be an appropriate call-up. But this is just nonsense. This is just a total and complete void in our middle infield. They’re just throwing darts blindfolded. Our SS problem has been going on for half a decade now. No worries! We’ll just keep bringing up minor leaguers, ruin the major league lineup, and shatter their confidence to ruin future lineups as well.

deGrom Should Play SS

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Tejada is the starting SS today. 

Legit proposition: deGrom should play SS when he’s not pitching, so long as Flores remains injured. He’s day-to-day, so we’ll see him next decade. 

deGrom is a better hitter than Tejada, and they say a better fielder as well. deGrom came up as a shortstop. 

Nothing is more out of favor than pitchers doing non-pitcher things. They have such quirky and superstitious routines. It was even criticized when they’d bring out Glavine to bunt on non-pitching days, even when he was clearly the best pinch-bunt option. 

Favor be damned. Trend ends here. deGrom is the best SS we have right now. 

Murphy’s Out At Least a Week*

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Week* in Mets land must mean he’s dead. He’s dead, y’all. Hamstring dead.

The streak of never being healthy for Opening Day lives on. Let’s Go Mets!

Just a reminder that in Mets-speak the order of severity goes: 15 day DL, 60 day DL, season ending TJ, career ending, coma, subdural hematoma, death by fire, day to day, out at least a week.

Noah Syndergaard to the Minors

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Noah Syndergaard has been optioned to minor league camp. Syndergaard was scheduled to pitch on Saturday against the Tigers. This spring, Syndergaard appeared in three games, posted a 4.91 ERA over 7 1/3 innings. He struck out nine and walked three.

Why send him down a day before his scheduled start? I’ll tell you why: Because Vegas, that’s why! March Madness! He’s probably there to monitor his bracket.

Seriously, though, have you noticed how much this guy’s stock has plummeted? Matz is sooooo the guy, now. Thor might be out, y’all. He might really be out. He’s got the stuff, but boy does he get rattled up there. Learn to deal with an error, Noah. Learn to deal with when the ump doesn’t give you the call. Grow up, Peter Pan.

Vic Black Has A Setback

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The Mets have temporarily shut down Vic Black‘s throwing program after he again experienced pain in his shoulder while throwing Tuesday.

NO SHIT!! Please read the previous Metsblow article. Please read anything on Metsblow. We’ve been over this, people! “Day to Day” means “Out Forever” in Queens. It is known.

Daniel Murphy is Day To Day Forever

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Daniel Murphy was just removed after half an inning due to right hamstring tightness he felt while running the bases. Murphy singled and scored a run in the top of the first inning. Phillip Evans took over for Murphy at second base.

So Daniel Murphy joins Zack Wheeler and Jose Reyes on the Day to Day list. Oh, boy. This is a serious Metsblow. Really fucking serious. The whole lineup gets shaken the FUCK up without Murph. Instead of Murph 6th, now you’ve got Tejada 8th? Really? Tejada? Oh shit.

The bottom line is that if your 1-8 aren’t all major leaguers, you’re out as a team. Done. Pitching be damned. You can’t put minor leaguers up to the plate. This season, we were looking at the first MAYBE in half a decade. MAYBE Flores. MAYBE d’Arnaud. We MAYBE finally had a major league lineup to go with our studly pitching, which can be enough. But without Murphy, we’re fucked. He shakes the whole damn thing up in a really, really bad way.

I imagine they will call up Herrera once the arbitration thing clears.

Again, Murphy is only Day to Day, so Mets Jewbrass has told us all not to worry. Phew. He’ll be back tomorrow. Joseeee! Jose Jose Jose!

From Websters: Day-to-day is a baseball expression that commonly means a player has a very slight injury and will return to the lineup in one or two days. However, in Queens, NY, the regional voicing of the expression refers to a catastrophic injury, usually resulting in a minimum of one season on the disabled list. Often, this will lead to a player being wrongfully removed/exiled from Queens without being resigned to a fair contract that would greatly benefit the region.  

P.S. It was probably the gays’ fault. Gay Mafia did this to him.

P.P.S. I know it’s in his hamstring, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Murph needs TJ.

The Mets Will Immediately Know Where They Stand

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Take a look at the first month of the season. Here are the Mets’ opponents:

Nationals (3 away, 4 home)

Braves (3 away, 3 home)

Phillies (3 home)

Marlins (4 home, 3 away)

Yankees (3 away)

We will immediately know where we stand. And yes, I say “we” as if I’m on the team. We only play the division! The one exception being the Junkies! The Bronx Buyers themselves.

The season is a marathon, of course. The hot September team always has a shot, UNLESS you’re so far behind that it doesn’t matter (that’s what people told the Phillies in ’07). Let’s at least be in the damn thing come September.

A little stat work for ya: Last season, the current World Champion Giants went 16-11 in April, were up and down all year, and went 14-12 in September. They went 12-5 in the playoffs.

Hot starts matter. Every game matters. Consistency matters. Knowing where you stand matters. We’re trying to “take the damn thing,” and we will be tested immediately. We need to smack the shit out of the Phillies and Braves, show that we’re better than the Marlins, and hold our own against the Nats. Prove it, Mets. Prove it.

Who Will Start Opening Day?

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Terry Collins is choosing from Bartolo Colon, Jacob deGrom and Jon Niese for the Opening Day start against the Nationals in D.C.

Hey, who d’ya think will start Opening Day? Hey! Hey! Mets fans! Hey! News! Opening Day! Hope! Who’s it gonna be? Here’s my answer:

WHO CAAAAAAARRRESSS? Oops, I answered your question with another question.

The Mets-media loooooves fake stories. They love conjuring up meaningless bullshit. Well, is this all you can conjure, Sauromon? Go fuck yourselves. This isn’t news!! This is gossip dogshit. I’m sure all this Opening Day starter crap is burying some real news that they don’t want out, like how Zack Wheeler is out forever or some shit.

Everyone knows Matt Harvey is the ace. Everyone knows he can’t be the Opening Day starter because it’s disrespectful to the players that played last season. deGrom won a big award (RoY) but he was still a rookie biyatch and therefore shouldn’t start over the long-tenured Niese or the elder statesman Colon.

It’ll probably be Colon. But again, WHO CARES!?!? What’s the 5-man rotation? Harvey, Colon, Niese, deGrom, Gee. Boom. Start one of them. Then, start another. Then, another. And so on. Then, repeat. We start the season against the Nationals. So uhhh, let’s not get our shit pushed in like we did against them all of last year. It’s a three game series. We have faith in all 5 of our starters? Then put any three out there and let’s see what happens. Mets-media-paid-off-by-Wilpons, shut the fuck up.

The Mets Still Need a Lefty Reliever But Won’t Put Up The Dough

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The Orioles are willing to trade LH reliever Brian Matusz sending cash in the deal, “but the Mets may prefer other options,” major-league sources recently said.

And by other options, they of course mean, “keeping the money in our greedy Jew pockets.”

The Mets are looking at Cardinals LH reliever Sam Freeman and Nationals LH reliever Xavier Cedeno. Both are out of options and unlikely to make their team’s Opening Day rosters, indicating they could be available in trade.

Oh, great! So we’re looking at picking up a dude from the scrap heap! Awesome! Amazin’! Let’s Go Mets!

This is why the Edgin TJ is even worse than the Wheeler TJ. Wheeler fell in the one area where we actually have the depth to (mostly) make up for it. But without Edgin–who was absolutely lethal last year and only getting better–we’re totally fucked in the bullpen. Well, we wouldn’t be totally fucked if the Wilpons weren’t the total Jew fucks that they are, but here we are. Metsblow.