Terry Collins is choosing from Bartolo Colon, Jacob deGrom and Jon Niese for the Opening Day start against the Nationals in D.C.

Hey, who d’ya think will start Opening Day? Hey! Hey! Mets fans! Hey! News! Opening Day! Hope! Who’s it gonna be? Here’s my answer:

WHO CAAAAAAARRRESSS? Oops, I answered your question with another question.

The Mets-media loooooves fake stories. They love conjuring up meaningless bullshit. Well, is this all you can conjure, Sauromon? Go fuck yourselves. This isn’t news!! This is gossip dogshit. I’m sure all this Opening Day starter crap is burying some real news that they don’t want out, like how Zack Wheeler is out forever or some shit.

Everyone knows Matt Harvey is the ace. Everyone knows he can’t be the Opening Day starter because it’s disrespectful to the players that played last season. deGrom won a big award (RoY) but he was still a rookie biyatch and therefore shouldn’t start over the long-tenured Niese or the elder statesman Colon.

It’ll probably be Colon. But again, WHO CARES!?!? What’s the 5-man rotation? Harvey, Colon, Niese, deGrom, Gee. Boom. Start one of them. Then, start another. Then, another. And so on. Then, repeat. We start the season against the Nationals. So uhhh, let’s not get our shit pushed in like we did against them all of last year. It’s a three game series. We have faith in all 5 of our starters? Then put any three out there and let’s see what happens. Mets-media-paid-off-by-Wilpons, shut the fuck up.