Thor: “I’ve got blisters on me fingers.”

Day 1 and we’ve got Thor, Matz, and Wheeler all out already! Mets baseball, baby! We’re back! And Lugo’s dead, too, thanks to the WBC. 

Let’s go over today’s game, shall we?

1) Thor left early with a blister. Uhhh, ok, fine, whatever. TC said he’s fine. We toootally believe it. It’s an omen. 

2) The Mets couldn’t hit Teheran for shit. Shocker.

3) The Braves pen is atrocious. They walk batters at little league rates.

4) D-Wright got a monstrous cheer during the player intros. It sent chills up his spine. No, wait, that’s just the disease. 

The Mets seemingly always win on Opening Day, and today was no different. We’ll take the W. We’ll pray for Thor’s fanga. Pray pray pray. 
Up Next: Big Bart (the only consistently healthy and good Mets starter for the past 3 years) goes up against deGrom. Jacob is better. Jacob is the best and seemingly healthy again (for now). But maaaan the Mets are fucking retarded for letting Colon go.  

Mets Lose the Opener

Royals 4, Mets 3


Cespedes, it’s a contract year. Don’t be aloof. I don’t think it’s a real problem. The unearned run was the difference.

How long until Wright gets moved down in the lineup? A week? A month? 

The Royals are a step faster than the Mets and it keeps showing. I can’t explain why that gets so EXPOSED every time we play them. I think it’s kind of a rock-paper-scissor duel between elite teams. The Royals’ best attributes (speed, defense) are our worst features as a team. Our skills (fireballs) matched up better against the Cubs’ young hitters, that’s for sure. I might be overthinking it. Volquez pitched well. 

Serenity Now:

Our middle infield looked competent today. Turning routine double plays WOW! 

We battled. 

Harvey wasn’t perfect but he was great. His line doesn’t do his night justice. 

One last thing:

Just go 50-50 against the good teams and bury the bad teams. Win the division and then I like our staff against anyone in the postaeason. 

Opening Day Roster

Look at this glorious, glorious glory. Oh, glory glory hallelujah. We are stacked. If it was 2006 D-Wright and not dead as a doornail D-Wright, we might have the best O in the league as well as the best staff.

I would’ve preferred Tejada over Soup. Flores as the backup SS is bad. Can Cabrera play every day? We pray. Once Wright gets injured (Today, probably…May, the latest, unfortunately), Flores will play 3rd. On days where someone else (like Duda) needs a day off, Wilmer “Zobrist” Flores will go to that position and we’ll have to see Soup. 

Fuuuuuuck Soup. And I like Flores but he’s an oak tree at short and not much better anywhere else. Pray for D-Wright.

I’ve never felt this way going into Opening Day. Thanks to Metsblow Nation, we actually don’t currently blow for the first time ever. Even in 2000, I thought, “we’re not as good as the Braves.” Even in 2007, I thought, “our pitchers are old.” 2016 is completely uncharted waters for us, as far as I’m concerned. In years like 2000 and 2006, I thought we were one of 8~10 competitive teams, and it felt good. The reality of today is that we are one of 4 teams with a legitimate shot. Things change. Injuries and bad chemistries and deadline deals…who knows? But one thing is for certain: 2016 marks the best opening day roster of my lifetime. 

Let’s see how we screw it up. 

Opening Day Lineup Breakdown

Welp, we did it. Hoooooray. We’re in 1st place!

Here’s our lineup:

Juanny Beisbol


Captain America

The Big Lebowski

Kid Cuddy


Flo the Progressive Boy

d’Arnaud (he and deGrom make up the d-battery).

The takeaway: For the first time since Reyes and Beltran and Lo Duca and Delgado left, there are NO black holes. On a scale of [-1, 0, 1], we finally have no negatives. We don’t have someone who is a minor leaguer aka detriment to the team.

Of course, our bench is still shallow and shitty. For fucks sake Endy Chavez hit over .300! Our bench players raked! So the key is that this starting lineup stays healthy. With our bargain bin medical staff, I think it’s unlikely, but ya gotta believe! We’re in 1st place!!

P.S. I would looooove to see Big Sexy outduel Scherzer today. The Nats have won NOTHING! They have earned NOTHING! They are currently the 1x defending NL east champs. That isn’t a dynasty. That isn’t dick. All they’ve done is shit the bed in the playoffs. Losers. Oh and they’ve also stomped the shit out of the Mets for a few years running now. LET’S GO METS!

One Last Note for #OpeningDayGate

You know it’s already been commented on multiple times here at Metsblow. However, I want to say this one last time: Opening Day starter aka #openingdaygate is a NONSTORY. 

The Wilpons are using their Jew-media influence to sway public opinion against Terry Collins. In the words of Dan Warthen’s favorite Chinaman, Dice-K: “hypeuuuu!! Anti-Corrins hypeuuuuu!!” They’re vilifying him so they can blame him and fire him and repeat the losing cycle without taking all, if any, of the heat. Fuck the Wilpons. Metsblow.

P.S. Big Sexy on Opening Day. Get em, Bart. I like it. I like the whole damn rotation. 

P.P.S. He’s gonna bat. If there’s anything that rivals the electricity of #HarveyDay, it’s #BartoloBats. 

NY Daily News As Dumb As Ever

The Daily News said it was a “head-scratcher” that Big Sexy Colon is starting Opening Day. 

1) Praise Jesus, Opening Day is so close!

2) the NYDN is so fucking dumb. The Mets are starting their only Cy Young winner. The Mets are starting the only guy that won 15 games for em last year. The Mets are starting the only guy that suited up for the full season in 2014. The Mets are starting their only seasoned veteran–you NEVER give the keys to the castle to a young bull. It’s a no brainer.

3) The NYDN is paid by the Jewpons to undercut TC’s decisions and to turn the fanbase against the players and coaches. 

4) While Metsblow may rip into the players, it comes from love and understanding. Although Metsblow is a part of the media now, it is the only media source that hasn’t been bought out by the Jewpons. It is the only media source written by someone who participates in athletic events. It is the only media source that understands the locker room and understands the true nature of teamwork and the game. 

Murphy’s Out At Least a Week*

Week* in Mets land must mean he’s dead. He’s dead, y’all. Hamstring dead.

The streak of never being healthy for Opening Day lives on. Let’s Go Mets!

Just a reminder that in Mets-speak the order of severity goes: 15 day DL, 60 day DL, season ending TJ, career ending, coma, subdural hematoma, death by fire, day to day, out at least a week.

Who Will Start Opening Day?

Terry Collins is choosing from Bartolo Colon, Jacob deGrom and Jon Niese for the Opening Day start against the Nationals in D.C.

Hey, who d’ya think will start Opening Day? Hey! Hey! Mets fans! Hey! News! Opening Day! Hope! Who’s it gonna be? Here’s my answer:

WHO CAAAAAAARRRESSS? Oops, I answered your question with another question.

The Mets-media loooooves fake stories. They love conjuring up meaningless bullshit. Well, is this all you can conjure, Sauromon? Go fuck yourselves. This isn’t news!! This is gossip dogshit. I’m sure all this Opening Day starter crap is burying some real news that they don’t want out, like how Zack Wheeler is out forever or some shit.

Everyone knows Matt Harvey is the ace. Everyone knows he can’t be the Opening Day starter because it’s disrespectful to the players that played last season. deGrom won a big award (RoY) but he was still a rookie biyatch and therefore shouldn’t start over the long-tenured Niese or the elder statesman Colon.

It’ll probably be Colon. But again, WHO CARES!?!? What’s the 5-man rotation? Harvey, Colon, Niese, deGrom, Gee. Boom. Start one of them. Then, start another. Then, another. And so on. Then, repeat. We start the season against the Nationals. So uhhh, let’s not get our shit pushed in like we did against them all of last year. It’s a three game series. We have faith in all 5 of our starters? Then put any three out there and let’s see what happens. Mets-media-paid-off-by-Wilpons, shut the fuck up.

Who will be the opening day starter aka Let’s Distract Our Fans!

Ooooh what a controversy the Mets media is stirring up. Who will start the home opener? Will it be Harvey (our savior), deGrom (our RoY), Colon (our Cy Young winner), Gee (the incumbent opening day starter), or someone else worthy such as longtime Met Jon Niese or young and exciting Wheeler?

Whooooooo cares!!!??

Here’s an idea: How bout you decide on a rotation. It could even be 6-man. Just fucking choose. Limit Harvey’s innings. Limit Niese’s innings. I don’t care. We start on the road. So how bout when the home opener comes, you put out the fucking guy that’s supposed to pitch that day. Fucking hell, it’s not rocket science.

This is all bullshit hype to increase ticket sales.

I didn’t go to a single game last season (I watched about 155 games on TV). The boycott shall continue until you prove you give a shit and that you deserve more money from me than the already exorbitant cable bill I pay for SNY.