The Return-From-Injury Odds

Hi everybody!
Hi everybody!

With Dr. Nick hard at work, who will return to the Mets first? Here are the odds and projected dates:

Travis d’Arnaud:

-The Mets said a month. It’s been a month. He’ll likely return fairly on time, whimpering every time he swings the bat. Odds on returning first are 1:1

David Wright:

-The Mets said May 15. He’s still two weeks away. Odds on returning first are 10:1.

Bobby Parnell:

-The Mets said late April. He’s likely dead. Odds on returning first are 50:1.

Vic Black:

-The Mets said mid May. He’s likely dead. Odds on returning first are 50:1.

Dilson Herrera:

-The Mets said he got hurt fielding grounders during batting practice. His finger will likely be amputated. Odds on returning first are 75:1.

Jerry Blevins:

-Hit by a nasty comebacker. The Mets said he’d be out for three months. It’s been only one month. Odds on returning first are 100:1.

Odds that they are all dead are 3:1. Odds that at least one of them is dead is the lock of the century and Vegas won’t take the bet.

Don’t Forget About Carlyle’s Injury

Buddy Carlyle to the DL. It matters.

Our bullpen has been elite, but that’s another fucking injury.

We have the most injuries and each one is to a critical piece of our crumbling pie.

We get injured the most because of the Wilpons Jewing out on both health facilities and a training staff that can keep the team on the field. The Mets can’t even stay on the field with Baby Jeffy threatening the players like he did with Pedro. 

It will take an extra day to replace him since our AAA team is in Vegas. It’s because of the distance, and also probably because they have to pry the guy away from the tables.

The reason we have the Area 51s is because they were the cheapest team available. Jews doing Jew things, as always. 

A Little More On Vic Black

You know nothing, Ray Ramirez.
You know nothing, Ray Ramirez.

In the last Blow, I wrote about Vic “Take The” Black and his injury.

To summarize, Vic Black has a herniated disk in his neck and the team said it’s an improvement since his last exam. Metsblowers laughed and said, “Great satire, Mr. Metsblow!”

Here’s the thing: It wasn’t satire. I tried writing that in the last blow but I didn’t get the message across, so let me say it again: IT WAS NOT SATIRE. THE METS ACTUALLY ISSUED THAT STATEMENT.

The Vic Black quote is just another classic example of how Metsblow writes itself. They have a monkey doing PR/damage control. It’s utterly ridiculous. I’ve now read the quote 5 times. It can’t be real, but it is. Vic Black’s neck is about to twist off with a new injury that the Mets have not previously diagnosed, and they’re saying it’s an improvement. Meet the Mets! Meet the Mets! Step right up and greet the Metsblow.

Injuryblow: Mets Dead Forever

Please keep the Mets doctors away from me.
Please keep the Mets doctors away from me.

Here are your updates:

Travid d’Arnaud – Out for at least 3 weeks. He will then have his cast/splint/casket removed and will be reevaluated by Dr. Weff Jilpon.

Jerry Blevins – Out for at least 6 weeks. Forever dead.

Vic Black – Has a disk herniation in his neck, which is causing weakness in his triceps/arm. Team says it’s an improvement since his last exam. Read that again. The team actually said that. What a spin! Boy did the team doctors spin that well. Spun it so fast it’ll make your neck herniated.

Jose Reyes – Will return tomorrow. Metsbloooow.

D-Wright on 15-Day DL

Hey look at me I'm sliding! I'm sliding! I'm dead!
Hey look at me I’m sliding! I’m sliding! I’m dead!

Welp, we’re out. Wright said he felt a pop. 15-day DL? More like out forever.

We have absolutely no depth. We’re bringing up Eric “Soupman” Campbell from AAA Vegas. We’re so bad we don’t even have a major league replacement for David. That’s ok, Soupman is hitting .550! Too bad that’s not as high as the .600 he was hitting at the roulette wheel.

The Metsblog hot take from Andrew “Vaggino” Vazzano said something like, “I hope Wright is healthy when he returns.” Wow, scorching hot take from Metsblog as usual. Keep hoping, Vag. Healthy Mets = AAA Mets. Talented Mets = dead.

Murphy Limps To The Clubhouse

Murphy is limping. It is known. Great.

Is a limping Murphy better than Tejada? Yes. Is a ripped hammy Murph better? Probably, but we really don’t want that.

The Mets’ bargain bin crack medical staff is on it once again! Jews are usually so xenophobic when it comes to doctors. Other than for the discount, why else would our cheap Jew fuck owners hire Mexicans? That’s a rhetorical question. Metsblow.

Murph’s Dead

The Mets are reporting that Daniel Murphy may not play Opening Day.

Duhhhhhh. We knew this two weeks ago.

The second he was listed as “day to day,” it was the eternal superlock of the millennium that he was dead. 

God the Mets’ buffoonery knows no bounds. What’s amazing is that they still do press releases thinking they’ll fool us with their lies and damage control. Metsblow knows better, thank you very much.