But Murph Can’t Play Defense!

Murph (right) & Flores

Remember when we didn’t sign Murph? All-star hitting be damned, he can’t play defense! Well guess what? That’s true. He really can’t. Who did you we trot out this past weekend? Wilmer “Fire Hydrant” fucking Flores. Amazin’! Good thing we sured up that defense. 

Also, we hit 4 dingers off a very comfortable Kershaw last night. Good thing we have the best rotation in team history to back those dingers up!

Tebow Loves Murph (Not in THAT Way!)

Metsblog aces always reporting the hard-hitting shit

So uhhh…this is too perfect. Yes, Tim, as you know, the secret is prayer. Nobody prays harder than Murph. Great mentor. Maybe y’all can go bash some homos together after BP. 

I don’t give a fuuuuuck that Tebow is a little Christian pussy bitch. If he can hit like Murph (zero percent chance), I’ll take it! 

Run, Daniel, Run!

And from that moment on, I...was...run-ning!
“And from that moment on, I…was…run-ning!” -Daniel Murphy

Last night, with Tejada-Kirk-Recker batting 6-7-8, we never really stood a chance. The game was conceded from the get-go. However, when we desperately needed a run in the 8th, Murph lead the inning off with a double. Then, Tejada (batting 6th!!) fucked up a bunt, and the Marlins got Murphy out at 3rd.

Chastise Tejada all you want for this. I did, too. He is to blame. He is garbage. But Nelson Figueroa wants to put blame on Murphy as well. And he’s right. 100% right. Murphy made a mental mistake (he’s good for 1 each game) and should never have ran. He should’ve seen the shitty bunt, froze, and returned to 2nd.

"I just felt like running." -Daniel Murphy
“I just felt like running.” -Daniel Murphy

I won’t be surprised if Murph finishes the year batting around .280, as he has proven that he can hit. His career batting average of .288 is enough that, in the post-steroid* era, a team will pay him. The Mets certainly won’t pay him. However, this isn’t because he sucks, it’s just because they’re Jews. Even though it’s for the wrong reasons, they might be CORRECT in letting Murph go. Assuming Murph is gone and Wright is dead, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Reynolds, Flores, and Herrera in the infield next year. I would love to see the mental-mistakes-metrics for Murph, because his boneheaded fielding and baserunning and opinions on gays have certainly cost us. C’mon Murph. Do better. It’s a contract year for fucks sake. At least the hitting is starting to come around, which is a great sign. Your extended Spring Training is now over.

*Calling 2015 baseball the “post-steroid era” is equivalent to calling today’s nation the “post-racial America.” Hey, how many people are going to the Orioles’ game tonight?

P.S. Nelson Figueroa, the Brooklyn boy, has been excellent for SNY. I wish they hadn’t jewed out on Ojeda. I’d love to have both of them in there. They’re both great. SNY really knows how to pick’em.

Update on Murphy’s Hamstring

I can’t believe they’re trotting him out on Opening Day. Murph is gonna die on his feet out there.

He’s been assessed by our med team as day-to-day! That means all-star break at least! Don’t they learn anything? Murph = done.

He’s gonna re-aggravate it in game 1 and then he won’t play and he won’t get re-signed by the Mets. This is a play to lower his asking price. They’re gonna hurt him on purpose. But other teams will see through it and give him 4 yr/$40mil (or even $50mil) and he’ll take it.

News About Murph’s Injury?

Daniel Murphy is fine! They said.

Daniel Murphy is day to day! They said.

Daniel Murphy will be back tomorrow! They said.

And now? Nothing. No reports. No updates. Nothing.

I mentioned that I appreciated Alderson’s transparency regarding Jew money ticket sales. Well, how bout for once in the history of the fucking Mets, we get some fucking transparency regarding injuries?

The silence all but guarantees he’s headed to the DL.

Jose Reyes will be back tomorrow. Murph? Soon enough, we can only hope.

Murphy’s Out At Least a Week*

Week* in Mets land must mean he’s dead. He’s dead, y’all. Hamstring dead.

The streak of never being healthy for Opening Day lives on. Let’s Go Mets!

Just a reminder that in Mets-speak the order of severity goes: 15 day DL, 60 day DL, season ending TJ, career ending, coma, subdural hematoma, death by fire, day to day, out at least a week.

Daniel Murphy is Day To Day Forever

Daniel Murphy was just removed after half an inning due to right hamstring tightness he felt while running the bases. Murphy singled and scored a run in the top of the first inning. Phillip Evans took over for Murphy at second base.

So Daniel Murphy joins Zack Wheeler and Jose Reyes on the Day to Day list. Oh, boy. This is a serious Metsblow. Really fucking serious. The whole lineup gets shaken the FUCK up without Murph. Instead of Murph 6th, now you’ve got Tejada 8th? Really? Tejada? Oh shit.

The bottom line is that if your 1-8 aren’t all major leaguers, you’re out as a team. Done. Pitching be damned. You can’t put minor leaguers up to the plate. This season, we were looking at the first MAYBE in half a decade. MAYBE Flores. MAYBE d’Arnaud. We MAYBE finally had a major league lineup to go with our studly pitching, which can be enough. But without Murphy, we’re fucked. He shakes the whole damn thing up in a really, really bad way.

I imagine they will call up Herrera once the arbitration thing clears.

Again, Murphy is only Day to Day, so Mets Jewbrass has told us all not to worry. Phew. He’ll be back tomorrow. Joseeee! Jose Jose Jose!

From Websters: Day-to-day is a baseball expression that commonly means a player has a very slight injury and will return to the lineup in one or two days. However, in Queens, NY, the regional voicing of the expression refers to a catastrophic injury, usually resulting in a minimum of one season on the disabled list. Often, this will lead to a player being wrongfully removed/exiled from Queens without being resigned to a fair contract that would greatly benefit the region.  

P.S. It was probably the gays’ fault. Gay Mafia did this to him.

P.P.S. I know it’s in his hamstring, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Murph needs TJ.

Daniel Murphy Likes Gays…Just Not In THAT Way

Daniel Murphy got into a little bit of trouble with the PC police when he said that he disagreed with the gay lifestyle (aka two dudes having buttsex with each other).

He clarified that while he doesn’t agree with the whole gay thing, he is a Christian and so he is an accepting person and therefore has not ruled out getting to know a gay person.

Thanks Daniel! Glad you’re so accepting! We know that Christians are wholly accepting of pedophiles and murderers, so it’s good that you’re sorta kinda cool with gays, too.

Here’s the thing, though. I don’t CAAAAARRREEEEE!! I don’t care at all! We knew he was a Christian. We know that more than 75% of the damn league thanks God in their victory speeches. Just win! I don’t give a fucking shit about the off-the-field stuff! I don’t care at ALL!!

And another thing, I’m so sick of defending my fandom. Where’s the line? It’s nowhere. I’ll take Ray Lewis on my football team any day. All my idols are flawed. The end. People that don’t get this are very judgmental.

Dear Daniel Murphy: Hit .300. That’s what we care about. Win baseball games. That’s what we care about. The end.

Murphy and Mets Have Not Discussed a Contract Extension

Murphdawg will be a free agent after this season.

He could earn $8mil with the Mets if they agree on the extension, or he could sign a new contract with them or any other team.

Why hasn’t the front office extended an offer? I caught up with them, and got this quote:

“$8mil!? Yeah, whoa, no thanks. I know he was our lone allstar but I’ve got yachts to buy and Ponzi schemes to get caught up in. Please tell the media to hype up Dilson Herrera as much as possible so the transition will be easier on the fans.” -Fred Wilpon