But Murph Can’t Play Defense!

Murph (right) & Flores

Remember when we didn’t sign Murph? All-star hitting be damned, he can’t play defense! Well guess what? That’s true. He really can’t. Who did you we trot out this past weekend? Wilmer “Fire Hydrant” fucking Flores. Amazin’! Good thing we sured up that defense. 

Also, we hit 4 dingers off a very comfortable Kershaw last night. Good thing we have the best rotation in team history to back those dingers up!

Tebow Loves Murph (Not in THAT Way!)

Metsblog aces always reporting the hard-hitting shit

So uhhh…this is too perfect. Yes, Tim, as you know, the secret is prayer. Nobody prays harder than Murph. Great mentor. Maybe y’all can go bash some homos together after BP. 

I don’t give a fuuuuuck that Tebow is a little Christian pussy bitch. If he can hit like Murph (zero percent chance), I’ll take it! 

Run, Daniel, Run!

And from that moment on, I...was...run-ning!
“And from that moment on, I…was…run-ning!” -Daniel Murphy

Last night, with Tejada-Kirk-Recker batting 6-7-8, we never really stood a chance. The game was conceded from the get-go. However, when we desperately needed a run in the 8th, Murph lead the inning off with a double. Then, Tejada (batting 6th!!) fucked up a bunt, and the Marlins got Murphy out at 3rd.

Chastise Tejada all you want for this. I did, too. He is to blame. He is garbage. But Nelson Figueroa wants to put blame on Murphy as well. And he’s right. 100% right. Murphy made a mental mistake (he’s good for 1 each game) and should never have ran. He should’ve seen the shitty bunt, froze, and returned to 2nd.

"I just felt like running." -Daniel Murphy
“I just felt like running.” -Daniel Murphy

I won’t be surprised if Murph finishes the year batting around .280, as he has proven that he can hit. His career batting average of .288 is enough that, in the post-steroid* era, a team will pay him. The Mets certainly won’t pay him. However, this isn’t because he sucks, it’s just because they’re Jews. Even though it’s for the wrong reasons, they might be CORRECT in letting Murph go. Assuming Murph is gone and Wright is dead, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Reynolds, Flores, and Herrera in the infield next year. I would love to see the mental-mistakes-metrics for Murph, because his boneheaded fielding and baserunning and opinions on gays have certainly cost us. C’mon Murph. Do better. It’s a contract year for fucks sake. At least the hitting is starting to come around, which is a great sign. Your extended Spring Training is now over.

*Calling 2015 baseball the “post-steroid era” is equivalent to calling today’s nation the “post-racial America.” Hey, how many people are going to the Orioles’ game tonight?

P.S. Nelson Figueroa, the Brooklyn boy, has been excellent for SNY. I wish they hadn’t jewed out on Ojeda. I’d love to have both of them in there. They’re both great. SNY really knows how to pick’em.

Update on Murphy’s Hamstring

I can’t believe they’re trotting himĀ out on Opening Day. Murph is gonna die on his feet out there.

He’s been assessed by our med team as day-to-day! That means all-star break at least! Don’t they learn anything? Murph = done.

He’s gonna re-aggravate it in game 1 and then he won’t play and he won’t get re-signed by the Mets. This is a play to lower his asking price. They’re gonna hurt him on purpose. But other teams will see through it and give him 4 yr/$40mil (or even $50mil) and he’ll take it.

News About Murph’s Injury?

Daniel Murphy is fine! They said.

Daniel Murphy is day to day! They said.

Daniel Murphy will be back tomorrow! They said.

And now? Nothing. No reports. No updates. Nothing.

I mentioned that I appreciated Alderson’s transparency regarding Jew money ticket sales. Well, how bout for once in the history of the fucking Mets, we get some fucking transparency regarding injuries?

The silence all but guarantees he’s headed to the DL.

Jose Reyes will be back tomorrow. Murph? Soon enough, we can only hope.

Murphy’s Out At Least a Week*

Week* in Mets land must mean he’s dead. He’s dead, y’all. Hamstring dead.

The streak of never being healthy for Opening Day lives on. Let’s Go Mets!

Just a reminder that in Mets-speak the order of severity goes: 15 day DL, 60 day DL, season ending TJ, career ending, coma, subdural hematoma, death by fire, day to day, out at least a week.