mets

Did You Actually Think We’d Win Without Yo?

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Thor and Yo puffin’ the devil’s lettuce
OK. I get it. 16 innings later, you wanna give Yo the day off. Fine. Stanton had the day off, too, but the Marlins have a much better–or at least more balanced–lineup. It would take at least 2 more boat crashes for them to have as shitty a team as we do.

Fortunately, we had Thor on the mound. Oops, his blister’s back. He’s dead. Nevermind. Why would the team doctors address that after it happened the first time? No waaaay it’ll happen again. Just put a bandaid on it. It’ll never happen again. Million to 1 shot. Probably never happen again. No way. It won’t cost us a win or anything. Totally probably doesn’t maybe it might happen again immediately.

But even if Thor stayed in, we didn’t hit for shiiiiiit. No Yo, no go. That’s all there is to it. 

P.S. Helluva throw by Conforto.

…But Harvey’s Dead…

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Yo hit 3 (3!) dingers. Duda hit 2. Druubz hit 1. Even TDA had 1. 

They were tape measure bombs. It was BP out there. All is well, right? Wrong! Harvey’s dead. He’s fucking dead. Tight hammy today. Updated to brain aneurysm tomorrow. Book it.

Also, let me be the first to point out that 14 runs on 7 dingers (20 hits) is pretty bad. I’m amazed at how many solo dingdongs there were. 

Bruce Hot, Mets Not

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That was the worst win I’ve ever seen. Daaaaaamn do the Phillies blow. The microcosm for their team is Odubel flipping his bat on a routine fly ball. I mean, good for deGrom for battling back but we really didn’t deserve that one. Awful. Just awful. Bruce hit 2 dingers. I dunno if anyone else even hit the ball. 

d’Arnaud the d’Ouble play machine is d’Unzo. Way to lunge for one after the previous two batters walked. Rivera 3 out of 4 games from now on. Bring up Rosario because Reyes is also d’Unzo. 

P.S. Ronnie wanted Druubz to charge the mound but I’m glad he didn’t. We can’t risk a suspension to one of our only good players. I refuse to watch Flores in the middle infield ever again. He got the walk and eventually the run. Nice job, Ramos. Woooow the Phillies blow. 

Crowded Outfield!

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Thor pitched a gem. The Mets hit some solo dingers. The Mets won. Sounds like the only damn formula they have for winning. 

Bruce and Conforto both went yard. Guess we’ll have to trade one of em! Not like one could get hurt. Not like they need spells. Can’t have 4 good outfielders! Aaaaaah!! 

Memba Bartolo? 

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I memba! Memba when the Mets said, “It’s fiiiiine. We don’t need him. Wheeler’s back. Matz’s back. Why have a proven veteran Cy Young winner on your team when you totally know that Gsellman and Lugo are the real deal and didn’t just have miracle stretch runs last season?!” I memba! 

Counterpoint: It’s tough to win when you score 1 run per game. Solo dinger, of course. 

Wheeler Looked Great in the 1st inning…OOPS

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You know Yo don’t like to be cold

And the countdown to Wheeler’s next injury begins!

Our offensive futility was known. Yo’s dinger would have been 500ft if not for the wind. He’s so ‘trong. He also looks miserable out there. He loves that hot hot heat. I don’t blame him. New York is a shitty, cold town until it’s nice for about a minute and then the summer hits and it smells like hot garbage before getting cold again, just like our bats will be should we return to the playoffs. Playoffs?!

Happy #HarveyDay?

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Hey Harvey looked good. Hey we won 2 out of 3 from the Braves. All good, right? NO! Wrong. We can’t hit for shit. The Braves gifted us this game because they blow. We gifted them game 2 because Mets blow. Thankfully we’re used to the futility.

Also thanks to the rain, the stands were pretty empty. Sorry Harvey, your triumphant return was not a must-see event. Not in person, anyway. You’re not the king of New York. Remember pitching to pitch and win and not so you could be on magazine covers? #humble

Same Ol’ Mets…Except We Don’t Have Colon

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Losing to the Braves? 

Ice cold bats?

deGrom (or Harvey or Santana or Seaver or really anyone in team history) with an elite start and not getting the W? 

Stop me if you’ve heard this before. God that was something. I forgot how fucking thrilling Mets baseball can be zzzzz. And it’s not that I don’t like a good duel, it’s just that when you see Met after Met striking out at pitches over his head (including that atrocious game-ender by “he’s so back!” Duda), it really blows. 

Lugo is DEAD by the way. We don’t need Colon. Naaaaah. Oops. Mets blow. 

Oh and also I’m hearing lots of  “expert opinions” about how it was surprising that Colon walked a batter. It’s called smart pitching, you retarded faggots. It was Cespedes. That’s what you do. Our lineup isn’t stacked. It looked like dogshit today, it’s pretty decent on paper, and it’s that classic “this is THE GUY” lineup. Smart, ego-free vets like Colon don’t give a fuck about metrics and ratios. I can’t believe these nerds get paid to analyze baseball. Sad! At least the former players have an inkling. These fat or dweeby or fat and dweeby guys (and girls) that talk about, “whoa, an uncharacteristic walk from Colon!” are on another planet. They don’t know baseball. Their ignorance is astounding. As we are here at another new season, let us remember the reasons why I am here–why I was FORCED BY GOD to be here: 1) The Mets blow and it must be exposed from the top down. You have me to thank for putting the pressure on the Jewpons to get (and re-get and again re-get) Cespedes. 2) Metsblog blows as do all other forms of Mets baseball coverage. GKR are awesome. But hooooly fuck the whole collective state of analyzers and commentators and bloggers on tv and on the web and in print are the sorriest bunch of braindead PC pussy talentless wannabes ever. They don’t know the Mets. They don’t know baseball. They have no idea what they’re talking about. It’s embarrassing that the Mets get represented that way, but hey, the Mets blow, so it makes sense. As usual, Metsblow remains your only source for real news.