Why Blame Jose?

“Dropped popup” in Spanish? “Mendoza line?”

Don’t blame Jose. He’s not a 3rd baseman, he’s a wifebeater–errr, shortstop. Blame the bullpen for letting the wheels fall off? Nah, they’ll be better once the wifebeater–errr, closer, returns. Hilarious extra innings final score, though. 

The dropped popup was bad but why were we in that position? We should’ve been up by 10. We obsess over highlights and lowlights and love microscopic spotlights. Bill Buckner. Did he fuck up? You bet. But the Sox had that game won. Don’t forget the 9th inning rally. Don’t forget Mookie’s dance. Don’t forget that the Sox built a roster for their racist town and could’ve been better from the get-go. 

I ain’t gonna scapegoat Jose. The wifebeating? Cultural! The lack of hitting? Cultural! The truth is that the Mets didn’t hit for shit against the PHILLIES and their last place staff. Jose is a part of that. Good thing Wright will be back soon! It hurt my back to laugh at that sentence. 

Bruce Hot, Mets Not

That was the worst win I’ve ever seen. Daaaaaamn do the Phillies blow. The microcosm for their team is Odubel flipping his bat on a routine fly ball. I mean, good for deGrom for battling back but we really didn’t deserve that one. Awful. Just awful. Bruce hit 2 dingers. I dunno if anyone else even hit the ball. 

d’Arnaud the d’Ouble play machine is d’Unzo. Way to lunge for one after the previous two batters walked. Rivera 3 out of 4 games from now on. Bring up Rosario because Reyes is also d’Unzo. 

P.S. Ronnie wanted Druubz to charge the mound but I’m glad he didn’t. We can’t risk a suspension to one of our only good players. I refuse to watch Flores in the middle infield ever again. He got the walk and eventually the run. Nice job, Ramos. Woooow the Phillies blow. 

Mets Can’t Sweep Phils

Derrr, which way does the broom go?

Mets lose to the Phils in extra innings. Out-depth’d. Wow. That’s bad. Wright missing that foul ball. Oops. The wild pitch. Garbage. Umps taking away Asdrubal’s dinger (horrible fan interference call) away and us not being able to score otherwise. Terrible. 

Now we go to Atlanta. The Braves are even worse. Our biggest obstacle is that Turner Field is haunted, and now that the stadium won’t exist much longer, the maintenance crew is phoning it the fuck in and everyone is complaining about how bad the field conditions are. 

David Wright Should Finish His Career in Philly

wright phillyMets 5, Phils 2

I guess we’d all love to hit at Baby Park. Good for Wright. Good for everyone. Dingers! Dingers! Dingers! Keep piling ’em on. I still think Asdrubal should hit 2nd. He notched 3 more hits today. I love Wright. Don’t get me wrong. What’s not to love? He even made a nice play today (that didn’t require a throw with lots of zip). I hope he proves me wrong, but realistically, unless he’s going to be a selfish douche insecure bitch “Face of the Franchise” like Jeter was, he’s going to have to move down in the order at some point. Prove me wrong! Don’t die!

Nobody let Thor eat a damn sandwich ever again! Jeez, ever since #sandwichgate, Thor has torn it up. He’s really blossoming. That Thor’s so hot right now.

This game was too close for too long. Eickhoff? Really!?

Hey, while everybody is going apeshit over Daniel Murphy’s hot start, ask yourselves: Who is leading the Mets in HRs? Neil Walker, baby. Who is playing adequate defense? Neil Walker, baby. We all know Murphy is great. It really shouldn’t surprise anyone that he’ll hit .300 with Harper behind him. .415 is pretty damn surprising, and if the season ends with him batting .350, then yeah, I’ll be surprised. But hey, the Nats paid him. I don’t know why everyone is going apeshit. He plays Murphyball. We all know about the .400 hitting Murphy. That’s the same Murphy who runs the bases like shit and boots routine plays. And we still like him! Because he can be a +2. We know this. 2015 NLCS MVP kaboom Jesus. He’s a good pleeeyer. Move on.

Murphy leads the NL in batting average. Who is in 2nd place? Angel Pagan. We know he was damn good, too! At least Neil “full fledged Major Leaguer” Walker replaced Murph. Pagan got replaced by Andres Torres. OOPS! 5 years later, Pagan is still good but I’ll take Conforto-Cespedes-Grandy. Good players on good teams, all around.


What a Fucking Stinker

Phils 5, Mets 2

Cespy dinger. Great AB. Everyone else–fuck you.

Losing 2 out of 3 at home to the Phils. Jeeeez. 

I’m not panicking. We have a great team. It’s about attitude. The Mets were TURNT UP against KC. This weekend, we looked lazy. Just laughin’ and dancin’ around. Not in a good way. Not in a chemistry way. It was a, “we’re gonna coast to 95 wins” way, and that’s bullshit. Sleepwalking bullshit. These bad teams are still major league ball clubs. Learn your lesson, get tough, and remember there are no free wins. Don’t play down to anyone. It’s on every player and it’s on TC, as well. Wake up. Do better. 

Mets Put Up a Goose Egg Against Shitty Phils

Phils 1, Mets 0

Jesus, boys, that was brutal. Vintage 2014 performance there. Not like Muno and Kirk are in the lineup anymore. Do better. 

You gonna win a home series against the fucking Phillies or not?!

Tolo rules. On the mound, in the field, and at the plate. 

Our pen looks strong, too.

deGrom is indeed deAd. He’s been scratched from his next start. I’m guessing he’s out until July. The longer they delay the MRI, the worse it’ll be. They’re botching it all. Prepare yourselves. 

Oh, Should We Put O’Flaherty In Again?

This is TC's brain.
This is TC’s brain.

Mets 9, Phillies 4

Well that wasn’t so fucking hard, now was it? Way to rebound. TC just needs to fucking listen to me. I’m glad they read this shit.

Gilmartin got the lefty Ryan “Power” Howard to ground into the inning ending double play? Hmmm…nah, though. Let’s try O’Flaherty. He was great against lefties 5 years ago.

Hey, nice dinger Tejada. Hey, nice front flip Brown.

Harvey got touched up a bit, huh? He was cruuuuisssing for a while. He got lazy with a big lead and against the bottom of the order. Well, a win is a win.

Daniel Murphy is dead.

Happy Postblow: Mets Sweep Phils But Who Gives a Shit?

Mets 7, Phils 0

Wow, and we did it against an ELITE pitcher like uhhh…whatever nameless scrub the Phils had going.

The Mets shill media will again be all over this one. “WOW, SWEEP!” “METS BATS WAKE UP!” Blah blah fuck you. The Mets basically had those Mickey Mouse Fantasia brooms with them. Don’t get the analogy? Neither do I. The point is: The Phillies FUCKING BLOW. KAKADOOKIE x a billion. They’re the worst team in the league. Don’t be fooled. At least they have a chip and something like 5 straight division titles to show for it. We had 1 division title befoure our kakadookie half-decade. Also watch the Phils turn it around in 2 years, whereas the Mets took 6 (and maybe more).

We did hit some dingers. Cuddy had another upper deck blast. Thor, in addition to his 7.1 shutout innings, also hit a blast. Duda hit two. Thor and deGrom and Niese are all better hitters than anybody on our bench.

Off day tomorrow. A win is a win and a sweep is a sweep. The doodyshit Marlins come to Queens this weekend. Then, we’re off to the west coast where nobody will stay up late to watch the Mets get their shit pushed in by mediocre teams…unless TDA comes back! TDA! TDA!

Preblow: Big Sexy Should Bat 7th 


Upon further review of today’s lineup, I was wrong in my headline. Tolo shouldn’t bat 7th…he should bat 6th.

“We are now completely out from under the Madoff scandal and are ready to get back to baseball. We are fully committed.” -Wilpon, in 2013.

Big Sexy, it’s CGSO or bust (as usual) today. That’s one helluva lineup they’ve given you. Billingsley, the opposing pitcher, has an ERA of 9.00 this season. My guess is he allows 1 run (unearned?) in 6 strong innings of work. The only way this lineup will get to him is if A) Duda breaks out or B) Tolo gets to him. Metsblow.

Happy? Recap: Mets Even Up The Tough Series Against the Worst Team in the League

Mets 3, Phils 2
Ooooh, what a tight battle that was! What an display of futility from both teams! Boy, these two teams really want to prove which team has the shittier lineup.

The Mets, who made a habit of sucking chode dick against washed-up Harang last year (while he was with Atlanta), picked up right where they left off last night.

Niese looked great against a lineup that didn’t even feature Utley/Howard. Finally, that era is ending, while the Bryce Harper era has fully ignited in DC. 

The Phils gave up an unearned run. Then the Mets kindly called & raised them by giving up two unearned runs. What a kindhearted gesture.

The Mets made one good swing the entire night: While down 2-1, Lagares hit a two-run dinger and the Mets went on to win 3-2. God knows insurance runs are not part of the Mets’ hitting philosophy. Niese got the win. Familia got the save. Mets got the you-blow-but-they-blow-harder award.

Bryce Harper has 6 dingers in 3 days. Do we have 6 HRs as a team for the whole season?