syndergaard

Syndergaard’s Dead

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image1 (1)
He dead, yo.

Syndergaard’s on the DL. Yo we know is already dead. Conforto already missed a month and is always one swing away from popping that shoulder back out. Even deGrom has missed starts. And when he starts, he’ll let up 1 run or fewer and leave with a no-decision and the Mets will lose late, anyway.

It was never Ray Ramirez. Well, it was, but not ONLY him. It has always been the Wilpons. We should all hold hands outside of Citifield and one-by-one kill ourselves until the Wilpons agree to sell. It’s the only way. Actually, fuck killing ourselves. Somebody hire a Faceless Man to give Jeff Wilpon a gift.

Let’s take bets. Thor’s on the 10-day DL. How many days until he pitches again? 10 days? 10 weeks? 10 years? The answer is NEVER AGAIN in a Mets uniform. He will not heal until he’s got those Yankee pinstripes on. Then it’ll be Cy Young after Cy Young after championship after championship. Actually, he prolly won’t win the Cy Young because deGrom (also a Yankee) will.

Please trade them. Please trade them. Please trade them. Not because they’re hurt. Not because we’ll get good prospects in return (because we all know we’ll just fuck their careers up, too). Please trade them because I like them. I want deGrom to get wins. I want Thor to throw a baseball again. It won’t happen on the Mets. Fuck the Mets. I want my guys to be happy. I’d rather them be happy on another team (preferably somewhere far away like Seattle) than stuck here in this Jew desert wandering astray forever.

 

Flores the Cleanup Gawd!

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Thor is the God of thunder but Flores is the God of cleaning up. Keep him there! Terry pushing all the right buttons! Most of the time, bases loaded with nobody out is right where the opponent wants us, but Flores hit a 40ft bomb and actually got us a run and hey, you’ll take it. He also hit an actual bomb later. 

I liked Reynolds’ AB in the 1st. That made it 3-0 and “broke the game open” with Noah on the hill. Lots of contributions tonight. Jelly hit the peanut butter out of one. Cespedes’ exit velocity averaged about a billion mph tonight. “He’s so strong,” said a fawning Keith. 

So, Metsblow and will probably score two or fewer tomorrow, but would you take it? If the season ended today, we’d be a wildcard team. Do you take it? Beggars can’t be choosers, right? Just get in? I wouldn’t take it today because we wouldn’t be able to put Thor on the mound for the play-in game. 

Postblow/Preblow: Front Office Says, “REMAIN CALM! ALL IS WELL!”

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Exactly as I predicted, they blew his arm out.
Exactly as I predicted, they blew his arm out.

Mets 4, DBacks 1

Wow, talk about NUT FLEXING. A day after Matz goes down, the Mets let Thor off the leash.

(Back alley meeting: “We have to show the fans things are ok!! We have to keep lying to them!”)

Fuck them. Disgraceful. I predicted this in the preblow. Unreal. Flexing nuts x a billion. 116 pitches–with a cushy lead. Well, cushy by our standards.

Thor had a monster game, though. Let’s not discount that. I hate the franchise, but I love Thor. Damn. 5 aces. 5 TJs. 2 runs/gm.

Preblow: Today is #HarveyDay. Let’s leave em with a good taste in their mouths before the all-star break, and then let’s all crap out in the 2nd half and get injured and need more surgery and blah blah Pineda is looking healthy blah blah.

Preblow: Let’s Blow Syndergaard’s Arm Out!

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"OW MY MIGHTY SHOULDER."
“OW MY MIGHTY SHOULDER.”

Yaaaay! More young arms! Let’s blow em all out! BLOW EM OUT! BLOW EM OUT! Let’s waste our most precious resource–young arms–as quickly as possible! TJ for everyone! Syndergaard is as good as dead.

We’re facing the D-Backs, who are noted for being alive in the WC hunt, despite being a pretty bad team on paper. They’re 1 game behind us. That isn’t a testament to the D-Backs, that’s just a testament to how much of a joke the NLWC is, and how much the Mets fucking blow.

The following conversation was recorded between Steven Matz and the Jew brass:

Steven: My upper back is tingling.

Sandy: Oh, that’s not good.

Jeffy: TINGLE TINGLE LUMPAH!!!

Fred: Settle down, Jeffy.

Jeffy: TINGLE! TINGLE TINGLE!!

Steven: Yeah, it hurts every time I throw the ball.

Sandy: Just throw the ball more. Work your way through it. Try throwing more curveballs.

Steven: It just hurts a lot, ya know?

Terry: Have you talked to the medical staff about this?

Steven: We have a medical staff?

Postblow: Thor Forgot His Hammer

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Padres 7, Mets 2

Out of 1st place. Oooooh so disappointing. I really thought we were gonna put a stranglehold on it and never let it go.

In the preblow–which went unpublished because I didn’t finish it in time whatever fuck you do you know who I am!? I’m Mr. Metsblow dammit! I do what I want! Whateva, whateva–I asked the questions, “How many times do you think the phrase ‘Vintage Kennedy’ will be uttered tonight? O/U is 40. How many runs will the Mets score? O/U is 2.5” and I took the OVER and the UNDER, respectively.

Well, I split, because “vintage Kennedy” was only said about 35 times. The man with a 7+ ERA this season mowed us down. I know, I know, I didn’t publish the preblow, but again, whatever. Metsblowers know the deal. They know these predictions are real. They know how much the Mets FUCKING BLOW.

Thor got shelled. He’ll bounce back. Good to give the kid a little adversity.

Flores made a great, leaping grab that should’ve been a double play, but as Flores landed and went to toss the ball to 2nd, Murph was celebrating like a goon instead of covering the base. Murphalicious!

Also, in yesterday’s Mets news and Metsblow news from over a month ago, David Wright is dead. No timetable. No return. Dunzo. Duuuuhhhhh. Thanks for finally not lying to us, Mets news. It only took a month of lies, whereas y’all lied about Reyes for an entire season. Thanks for the transparency.

Also, the Mets shill fuck from WFAN* (not Howie, I love Howie, it was some other guy). said that Zobrist would “not be a good fit” for the Mets. WHAATT!?!!? How fucking widespread is the Jew disease in Mets land?! The only possibly explanation for anyone saying that is that Zobrist will cost money, and therefore wouldn’t be a good fit with the avaricious, covetous demon soul Jews that run the team.

Oh, wait, I thought of another reason why Zobrist wouldn’t fit. Maybe this is what the radio dweeb meant: You see, Zobrist is a good player. He stays healthy, he hits well, he fields well, and he’s a smart baseball player. That kind of player just wouldn’t be a good fit with this team. Ooooh, now I understand.

*Yes I still call it WFAN. I don’t give a fuck. I don’t like change!! Except for change in ownership.

Syndergaard TwitterGate: The Sequel to HamSandwichGate

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Noah Syndergaard, shut the fuck up and get your head out of your ass.

1) Fuck that fan. Shut up. Shut the fuck up, you stupid fan.

2) Thor, get your head out of your ass. Responding to trolls on twitter is ridiculous. Grow up. Making fun of his 9-5 job? Don’t stoop so low. Your fans are mostly 9-5ers. Your fans are mostly regular guys. Don’t make fun of them. Be a hero. Be better.

Syndergaard’s Stock is Plummeting

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Hulk = METS disease
Hulk = METS disease

Thor got scratched for an “illness” today. Don’t worry, he’ll start tomorrow! Or Sunday! We don’t know!

And to think, we could’ve traded Thor and Wheelies for Tulo. Of course, the Mets would never do that because the Jewpons would never take a $118mil contract! Oh, it’s not because they’re cheap Jews, it’s just because we’re Moneyball guys now! Oh, wait, you’re telling me that according to Moneyball logic, Tulo is actually the best player in baseball and is worth double what the Rockies are paying him? Please direct any further questions to our friend, Bernie…

Sandy Alderson Isn’t Concerned…

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Hrrrmmm...
Hrrrmmm…

Hey Sandy, are you concerned with Wilmer Flores, your purported starting SS for the foreseeable future, making ten errors and batting well below the Mendoza line?

“No,” said Sandy Alderson, the Mets GM, as he handed a hundred million dollars to Baby Jeffy Wilpon wrapped in a Mets snuggie that said, “Reyes 7” on the back of it.

Hey Sandy, are you concerned with Noah Syndergaard, your purported co-ace among aces for the foreseeable future, making multiple trips the MRI machine and experiencing forearm stiffness?

“No,” said Alderson, as he spoke with a funeral director about getting a grave plot next to, or at least in the vicinity of, Zack Wheeler’s tombstone.