Author: metsblow

Waive Buh-Bye to Ruben

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Baby Jeffy wave byeeeee
 
Ruben Tejada aka Ruben Sangwich aka Ruby Tuesday has been placed on waivers. His hefty 3mil couldn’t be covered by Jeff Ponzi I mean Jew Ponzi I mean Baby Jeffy Wilpon wah wah wah.

I’ve got nothing against Ruben but whatever. It was his time to go. He never filled Reyes’ shoes (who could?) and should not ever have been a starter in the first place. He was set up to fail. 

Mystery box! Reynolds, Gavin “The Real Grease” Cecchini, whatever. I don’t caaaaare. Just not Flores. He’ll need to play 3B, anyway, since Wright is dead. 

Pray for Asdrubal. 

One last time: Na de na na naaaaaa

P.S. Not one last time because the track is fire and hey, Ruby might clear waivers and end up on the team, anyway (doubtful). Na de naaaaaa

Cabrera is Dead

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Cabrera is dead and apparently blunted out as well. 

Cabrera made a good, heady play yesterday, tagging up from 1st on a long flyout off of Yo’s bat. Except, Cabrera pulled up limp. He winced, he walked off the field, and then he died.

The fans were given the Reyes treatment, too. Asdrubal’s status quickly went from: He’ll be back tomorrow to he’ll be back in two days to he’s going to NY for further testing to torn patella.

Good thing Tejada hit a dinger right away! What power! All is well. Remain calm. All is well! Once Wright goes down, Tejada will be our longest tenured Met. Wow. I can’t believe we thought we’d have a major league shortstop this year. Light your candles for Asdrubal. 

Spring Training Reminder: Soup is Dogshit

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chunkycampbell
Now with meatier chunks of doodoo

Harvey did this, Harvey did that, yada yada yada, whoopdee shit. Spring Training is garbage. I couldn’t care less. Don’t get me wrong, practice is great. Getting out in the sun is great. Hearing GKR is great. But practice (aka REPS) are not exhibition games. Practice is fielding and hitting and throwing and catching. Exhibition games are just prayers that nobody gets hurt. It means negative infinity. The gun’s probably juiced. Harvey’s probably juiced. All dingers are cookies and all Ks are gimmes.

Except here’s when they’re not…when you have a guy like Soup, his major league career hanging in the balance, it matters. Much like HBO’s “Hard Knocks,” training camp is about the thrill of the cuts. But the Mets sure suck the fun out of it. Soup is still on the team. That’s ridiculous. He went 0-2 today and left some runners on. That’s believable. He also walked and scored. Amazing. He didn’t strike out. Amazing. Did he put any sort of charge into any ball at any time? Hell no.

Soupman is garbage. The only reason he’s here at all is because everyone knows Wright is dead and Soup can actually play a decent 3B, sort of, not really. Flores/Soup as our 3B depth is not acceptable. Let the boys play! Give Reynolds his fucking reps at 3rd. Move Walker to 3rd and have Herrera play 2nd. These guys should be showing up at 9am anyway. They should be able to take thousands of grounders at 3rd. Get Soup the fuck off the team.

When Reyes was on his way out (the Wilpons were shocked!), we made a horrible mistake. We watched Tejada play SS for 7 years!! We finally have a competent major leaguer in Asdrubal. Don’t make the same mistake at the hot corner. Prepare the kids. Look elsewhere. Why didn’t we fucking sign Uribe!? Well, he’s not a long-term solution, anyway, I suppose. But Soup should not make this team.

Let’s Recap the Week

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cespehorse.jpg

We don’t need to go over every minute detail of every preseason game. I’m resting my fingers and juicing accordingly for when the season starts. I don’t like reporting non-stories too much. Lots of blogs need to report on things every day because they’re bloggers first and baseball fans second. That’s fine. I don’t know why anyone would read that shit, but whatever.

Let’s recap the week, because some fun things happened.

1) Neil Walker, a month ago, said he’s thankful to be a Met so he doesn’t have to face Mets pitching. A few days ago, in a scrimmage game, Familia nailed him in the knee. Nice!

2) Cespedes, after outdoing himself each day with baller cars, showed up to camp with Thor on horseback. Ballin. Stars gotta shine. News!

3) Cespedes bought a pig, killed the pig, and ate the pig. Yum!

4) Mejia said the whole banishment thing is nothing more than a conspiracy against him. FOOTSTOMP!

There you have it. News. Whatever. We also tied today. Herrera hit an inside the parker. That’s pretty sweet. There couldn’t be a better argument for, “this isn’t news” than an exhibition game ending in a tie.

As we prep for the season, let me just thank you all for your readership and say that I appreciate the concerns over my lack of blogging. I’m not dead. Let me remind you that: 1) I don’t blog just to blog. If it ain’t news, it ain’t goin in here, and 2) If you want up-to-the-minute bullshit, go on twitter (@metsblowtweets for starters) or something. Everyone in this stupid world wants to be first. First to break a story. First to tweet that some dude did something wrong or whatever. Well remember that we here at Metsblow take pride in going last. We do things at our own pace. We actually take time to THINK, weigh opinions, and deliver the real news. LGM, LGMB

Pussies, Retards, and New Rules

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Division Series - New York Mets v Los Angeles Dodgers - Game Two
Tejada broke a leg. Utley hopefully got concussed. The Mets won the NLDS.

 

So the Ruben Tejada rule was made official today. It’s retarded. I’m not even going to post it. All the fucking pussies out there might have a point about player safety, but that’s the fucking point, then you need to eliminate collisions. They didn’t do that. They’re just making it so that you have to be on the bag. Collins said, “somebody is going to get their clock cleaned.” And he’s fucking right.

Do you know what my softball league has at 1st base? They have two bases. One for the fielder and one for the runner. It’s kind of a fagoat move but if you’re going to be a pussy, don’t be a retard. If you want to ensure player safety, then do it. Now you just look like pussies AND retards. Good job, MLB. You did it again.

 

 

Mejia Banned For Life

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“I don’t want you bidniss no more.” -Joe the fruit store guy and also apparently the commish.
Well, Mejia has reached a new level of baller status. He doesn’t give a FUCK. Wow. I respect it. It takes a special kind of indifference/cool/delusion/apathy to do what he did. I’m impressed.

More importantly, pray that Wheeler comes back strong and that Tolo can move into a beneficial bullpen role. Pens are always the toughest to predict. Obviously, it’s a shame that Mejia is out (for doing what everyone does…but more often and with outdated drugs and more recklessly?) and it’s a shame that we lost Clip but we move forward. Start the damn season already.

P.S. How fucking good is Team Banned? Shoeless Joe, Pete Rose, and now they have a stud closer. Great team.

P.P.S. FOOTSTOMP!!

We Did It

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Maverick!!!

Cespedes. We did it. He did it. He’s Jesus. Pray for him. We’re the best. The pitching staff is now in a race for first to 20 wins. We have depth. We have it all. We have team solidarity. We have happiness. Rejoice and pray. The Mets, as of this moment, do not blow.

The walkout is off. The fan outcry from Metsblow Nation worked. We did it. I am ALL IN. I’m going to go to formal events in my new Cespedes jersey and a neon green sleeve. 

Amazin’ 

Mets Sign Bastardo; Officially Out of Money

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The Mets have agreed to terms with lefty reliever Antonio Bastardo. The deal will be for $12 million over two years. Great deal. The bullpen is mediocre again! We replaced Clip. 

Bastardo, 30, posted a 2.98 ERA and 1.13 WHIP last season for the Pirates while striking out 64 batters in 57 1/3 innings. 
The Mets announced that they are now completely out of money. Enjoy this signing, Metsblow nation, because this is likely all we’re going to get. This is the peripeteia. This is that small reversal of fortune where we can feel good about our team for a minute before the Nats sign Cespedes. Here it comes. Can you feel it? Can you feel the Nats getting our #3 hitter from the World Series? They already took our cleanup hitter. 

At least we get to yell, “bastardo!” all season long like it’s Spanish Game of Thrones. They call him Señor Nieve. Or maybe it was yelled best by that greasy dude from Titanic. 

  
  

Merry Fucking Christmas You Jew Fagoats

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That’s an old photo of Murph as Santa with fellow ex-Mets Jon Niese and Justin Turner before he became Turnersbane of House Redbeard (re: roided up).

The Wilpons are Jew fagoats and they remind us on Christmas that we may need to kill them. Murph signed with the Nats for 3/37.5 hahaha what a fucking bargain. We knew we wouldn’t sign him, but when actually looking at the price tag and the team he signed with, it’s infuriating.

Also to all the shill bitch media: stop telling me how I feel. Stop saying I’m shocked. Stop saying that it’s not a surprise that we’re not going to sign Cespedes and that we asked him if he’d consider a two-year deal and his agent laughed and hung up. I’m not shocked!! I’m just fucking angry!! Stop acting like we’re stupid.

This entire website exists because of how not shocked I am. This website exists because a lazy asshole like me thought that making a site focused on Mets blunders and front office Jewfagoatery would be the easiest job in the world and the thing would write itself. And it fucking does. We made the fucking World Series and it still manages to be cake to write.

But we have a real job to do. Other than going to the House of Black and White, we have a list of demands. I wrote it a few (2, maybe?) articles back. They have some more time, but we need to start preparing to protest and force the Wilpons out like Frank McCourt was. They haven’t officially Jewed out of the offseason yet. They have time…hell, Cespedes is still out there. Other talented guys, too.

No Cespedes on Festivus. No Murph on Christmas (he loves his sweet lord baby Jesus but not in a queer way). Our demands have not yet been met. 

List of Demands Update

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You can see the list of demands in the previous Blow. I’m not linking it; just scroll down, ya mooks.

We got Tolo. Check. Beautiful. Big sexy with a $50K bonus is he wins the silver slugger. Ballin. We got de Aza. Backup outfielder check. Boom. So now just RP and Cespedes. Yup, they’re totally listening to us! 

If the demands are not met by Feb, we’re gonna do a big protest. Start prepping your signs, your pb&js, and your tents because it’s gonna be a big one. I’ll bring my guitar. But for now, let’s assume all is well. Today is officially Festivus. No doubt, we’ll sign Cespedes today. The Mets never let us down!