The Bastard!


Well, Bastardo’s ERA was infinity last night. 3 runs and 0 outs. BRILLIANT! It’s the walks, really. He has no control. He walked, he balked, he sucked. And it has really been all season. He was really good with the Pirates. I don’t get it. He got paid, maybe? How do you lose command of your fastball so easily? What a bastard. Somewhere, Lyanna Stark is crying, “promise me, Sandy, promise me you’ll find a better reliever.”

It’s not all on him. Colon let up a solo dinger to Freeman (why is he pitching to him at all!?) and that was the game. Colon pitched great coming off of getting hit in the hand by a comebacker last outing but he’s gotta know it’s zeroes or bust with this team. Talk to deGrom about it.

Nimmo 0-4. Take it slow, buddy. Reyes 0-3 in Brooklyn. Oops.

Another classic Mets loss. Another sinfully boring game. We avoided the shutout in garbage time, but peeeeeee-ew what a stinker. A split with Los Bravos woooow we blow. 2-5 in our last seven games against them. Wow. Good thing the Nats blow, too, and we’re only 3 games out. On to Washington D.C. to take back the white house, BYAAAHH!!


Meet the Fucking Matz

Other than the dinger to Klay Thompson’s brother, Matz was beautiful. He even got an RBI (our pitchers are finally getting in on the action). Matz is a lefty. Sky’s the limit for him. Horses, baby! Horses!

Terry made a bad move with two on and two out. He should’ve brought in Conforto to face the righty. He didn’t. Juan struck out on 3 pitches and then made an error in the field. You can’t predict the error (first time ever that I’ve seen Juanny Beisbol miss an easy one), but Conforto should’ve pinch hit. End of story. 

The ghost of Daniel Murphy was on the basepaths for us. Name the ridiculous ways to get thrown out at 2nd base. The Mets did almost all of them in one game. 

This time, Bastardo got bailed out by Henderson. Bastardo looked okay, I thought, but is wild and got squeezed. The officiating was horrendous in this game. Grandy got rung up on a 3-2 pitch a foot high and away. Is the umping always this bad and anti-Mets? I mean it’s not like the umps would cheat to help the Dodgers win by putting Utley on 2nd base or anything, right? Wait. 

Neil Walker has minor deadness but is supposedly back tonight.

TDA has major deadness and we may never see his light again. 

Happy Moms’ Day, You Bastard!


Wow, what a day for bastards. Jon Snow’s alive again and Bastardo’s saving the day for the Mets.

Will Reed and the rest of the Mook Mets ever learn what to do on 0-2 pitches?!

This road trip is insane. No days off?! Back to back 4 game serieses? Sheesh. 

We’re definitely not an A++ team. We don’t run well enough. We don’t manufacture runs. But with Cespedes cleaning up in our long, powerful lineup, elite pitching, and seemingly delightful team chemistry (they love competing with each other), we are indeed contenders. 1st place. 

Mets Sign Bastardo; Officially Out of Money

The Mets have agreed to terms with lefty reliever Antonio Bastardo. The deal will be for $12 million over two years. Great deal. The bullpen is mediocre again! We replaced Clip. 

Bastardo, 30, posted a 2.98 ERA and 1.13 WHIP last season for the Pirates while striking out 64 batters in 57 1/3 innings. 
The Mets announced that they are now completely out of money. Enjoy this signing, Metsblow nation, because this is likely all we’re going to get. This is the peripeteia. This is that small reversal of fortune where we can feel good about our team for a minute before the Nats sign Cespedes. Here it comes. Can you feel it? Can you feel the Nats getting our #3 hitter from the World Series? They already took our cleanup hitter. 

At least we get to yell, “bastardo!” all season long like it’s Spanish Game of Thrones. They call him SeƱor Nieve. Or maybe it was yelled best by that greasy dude from Titanic.