Spring Training Reminder: Soup is Dogshit

Now with meatier chunks of doodoo

Harvey did this, Harvey did that, yada yada yada, whoopdee shit. Spring Training is garbage. I couldn’t care less. Don’t get me wrong, practice is great. Getting out in the sun is great. Hearing GKR is great. But practice (aka REPS) are not exhibition games. Practice is fielding and hitting and throwing and catching. Exhibition games are just prayers that nobody gets hurt. It means negative infinity. The gun’s probably juiced. Harvey’s probably juiced. All dingers are cookies and all Ks are gimmes.

Except here’s when they’re not…when you have a guy like Soup, his major league career hanging in the balance, it matters. Much like HBO’s “Hard Knocks,” training camp is about the thrill of the cuts. But the Mets sure suck the fun out of it. Soup is still on the team. That’s ridiculous. He went 0-2 today and left some runners on. That’s believable. He also walked and scored. Amazing. He didn’t strike out. Amazing. Did he put any sort of charge into any ball at any time? Hell no.

Soupman is garbage. The only reason he’s here at all is because everyone knows Wright is dead and Soup can actually play a decent 3B, sort of, not really. Flores/Soup as our 3B depth is not acceptable. Let the boys play! Give Reynolds his fucking reps at 3rd. Move Walker to 3rd and have Herrera play 2nd. These guys should be showing up at 9am anyway. They should be able to take thousands of grounders at 3rd. Get Soup the fuck off the team.

When Reyes was on his way out (the Wilpons were shocked!), we made a horrible mistake. We watched Tejada play SS for 7 years!! We finally have a competent major leaguer in Asdrubal. Don’t make the same mistake at the hot corner. Prepare the kids. Look elsewhere. Why didn’t we fucking sign Uribe!? Well, he’s not a long-term solution, anyway, I suppose. But Soup should not make this team.

The Mets Are Having a Stellar Spring

…and that means precisely dick. Don’t be fooled (it is April 1st, after all) and don’t be hornswoggled.

Yes, there have been some great things. The Mets starting rotation has looked incredible. For me, the stat that jumps out the most is that in 68 and 2/3 innings of work, they have only given up 10 walks. They’re in control. They’re sharp. I love it.

But hold the fucking phone! Don’t forget this is Spring fucking training. It means NOTHING. How many more walks will they give up when they’re not facing minor leaguers who go fishing? Don’t forget that Murphy is still hurt. Don’t forget that our record is 0-0, just like everyone else’s.

Let’s save it. I’m excited, and you are too, and that’s great. But let’s save it. MONDAY IS GO TIME, BABY!!

Reminder: It’s Only Spring Training

I love how when the Mets do something good (like Matt Harvey dominating), it’s MORE than just the usual Spring Training. Oh, this year is special! Oh, this isn’t the usual club atmosphere!

And when the Mets do something not so good (like Matt Harvey pitching alright), it’s okay because it’s only Spring Training.

The media spins things round and round to make sure they can maximize ticket sales and jersey sales and Soupy Sales and sales in general.

The truth is: it’s only Spring Training. No matter how good or bad anyone looks, Spring Training is irrelevant and always will be. It’s nice to see Harvey on the mound. It’s nice to see Wright at 3rd. It’s nice to see baseball.

Nieuwenhuis vs den Dekker WHO YA GOT!?

Terry Collins just said, “Kirk Nieuwenhuis and Matt den Dekker will battle for the last spot in the roster, with the decision likely coming down to who hits more than the other.”

Let’s look at this further…

1) The decision will come down to who hits more. BRILLIANT! Great. Love it. The decision for who will be our pinch hitter (and likely starting outfielder once Cuddyer gets hurt) comes down to who is better at hitting. Brilliant strategy. Simply brilliant. The only problem is that neither of them can hit major league pitching. So let’s see who hits more not-shittily.

2) den Dekker has to have the edge because the Mets looooove their lowercase d-squad. deGrom won Rookie of the Year, after all. I think Wright should change his name to d-Avid.

3) Nowhere in any of this did Alderson, the Wilpons, or anyone make any mention of trying to acquire a player who has succeeded at the major league level. Clearly this is part of the Mets’ “GO blue, orange, and GREEN” environmental project, as they seemingly love recycling their trash.

4) Both Kirk and Matt have been quoted as saying, “I’d rather be in Vegas, anyway. My lucky table is hot right now!”

5) Kirk is three days older than Matt, whatever that means.

6) Matt is only batting .238 at the major league level, while Kirk is batting a muscular .241 so take that, young bull.

7) Nieuwenhuis’ name is a writer’s nightmare.

8) Kirk has more power but den Dekker is a better fielder. This is pretty much known. Collins says it’s all about hitting, so my guess is Kirk will win the job.

Fred Wilpon is Singing Autographs at Spring Training

Noted dork and Mets’ front office lackey Matt Cerrone made sure to snap a picture of his boss Fred Wilpon signing autographs at Spring Training.

Metsblow got a closer look at some of the signings…

“Fuck your hopes, fuck your dreams, fuck your face. Fred”

“I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you. Fred”

“I need about tree-fiddy.”

“Freddy ‘Got Fingered’ Wilpon”

“What is this? Oh, a baseball. Fred”