Sure the turtle spells his name differently but whatever. Montero–who used to be praised for his accuracy–can’t find a donut at a police station. Also, Terry has a terrible hook. He has no feel. Keith was begging for the hook for about 5 batters before Terry finally left the dugout. Mets blow. That game was a nice reminder of who the class of this division really is.
Author: metsblow
Yo Reverses the Turner Curse
Only Yo. The Mets are terrible. The Mets at Turner Field are even shittier than they are elsewhere. Tear down that fucker.
But Yo is different. Yo is the player we don’t deserve. Pay him a billion. Pray for Yoenis Cespedes.
A Mighty Oak
Holy fuck Flores is SO MUCH SLOWER than me. Hey Terry, your bench is pretty deep these days. Pinch run, much? Also have Colon bunt you stupid fuck.
My feelings about Terry, Teufel, and Wilmer are nicely illustrated by a head-first, brain-traumatizing dive into A.J. “toughest catcher in the league” Pierzynski.
Mets Beat Teheran at Turner??
Tear down the field cuz that shit ain’t never happnin’ again!
Be thankful that vandy-educated Dansby Swanson is a dingbat. I’m excited for his career, but what was he thinking?? Trying for two there? Way to blow the game.
Kudos to Grandy for breaking a 1 million inning scoreless streak against Teheran. Big win.
Ugly Sweep
Keith has never said “jeez” so many times in one game. Pure basura. We should’ve won 10-0. Instead it’s a tight game and Fam is forced to close it out again. I wonder if he was tired and overworked last November when pitching to Alex Gordon? Hmmm…
To be fair, most of Keith’s grunting was aimed at the Reds. I’ve never seen a team quite so checked out. They were DOGGIN’ it out there. Not even sliding into 2nd on a steal? Yeeeesh. But that’s all the more reason we should’ve won 10-0.
I said this when the Mets first signed Reyes: 80% Reyes would be the best leadoff hitter we’ve had since Reyes bar none. Yup! He’s actually playing at about 75~80% of his former self and it’s beautiful. Dingers from both sides. Steals. Awesome.
He’s Got The Powah
He is the truth.
Did you see the go-ahead dinger?
Did you see the laser rocket throw from the warning track?
Did you pay him yet?
Sidenote: The analysts are retaaaarded. They’re like, “derrrrp the Mets are back but the Marlins and Pirates are falling apart!” Ummmm, the Marlins lost Stanton and the Pirates sold at the deadline (I guess because they figured the Cubs & Cards had it this year and are looking to next season). Pay attention, fucktards. This shit ain’t random. The Mets are back because Yo is healthy. It’s not complicated.
Side-Stories From Tonight
The baserunning (see previous article) took center stage, of course…
Here are some side-storylines:
Colon’s great and his ERA is lower this year because of an improved defense all-around. Newsflash: major league caliber defense helpful for both pitchers and fans struggling with suicidal depression.
The MLB fucked up. Don’t give me the “they’re millionaires” bullshit. Seabiscuit was a millionaire but you stupid weak babies would cry if he raced on this kind of schedule. The extra late retardedly called ESPN game to plane flight to day game? Good on Terry for resting everyone. The reason they’re millionaires is because we love them. Yo should be a billionaire and the Jewpons should be shot. We want to be entertained. We pay to be entertained and MLB forced lower quality entertainment. The MLB fucked up. End of story. Why would you defend them? They routinely fuck up.
The Greatest Baserunning I Have Ever Seen
I don’t think I’ve heard Gary Cohen shit on someone like that before. I’m surprised Flores didn’t try to stretch that infield single into a double.
At some point, you gotta look at Teufel, right? He’s made bad decisions all season.
This is what happens after the Mets chop it up with Murph all weekend.
Clap For Concession
“Max Scherzer against the Mets? No thanks, we’ll save him for a real team.” -Dusty Baker
2 out of 3 against a team giving it away? Hoo-fucking-ray. Thanks for conceding the series. Thanks for rigging it. I guess the Mets are supposed to get in? Grrrrrreat.
Nice oppo dinger, Bruce. Nice baserunning, too. Nice slide.
Grandy cleanup, huh?! Well someone half-decent has to back up Yo. It makes sense. His anomalous RISP numbers aren’t gonna even out all the way this season, but it’s nice to see.
Shoutout to “Mr. Consistency” Addy Reed.
ESPN is truly unwatchable. I’d rather watch the Cellino & Barnes ad on repeat during SNY commercial breaks than the shit they hock on ESPN. The announcers are fucking dreadful. Michael Kay bad. To Rosenthal and Verdouchey and the rest of those mooks: Fuck you.
Put This Season To Bed
deGrom added to the hall of faces. We’re dunzo.
Thor being outdueled by a total scrub. Terry not starting Loney (against a righty) and going with Flores? Hmmmm, ya think Loney might’ve been able to help Thor hold runners on? Do ya? Do ya?! We’re dunzo.
Let’s bring in the lefty specialist to face Murph & Bryce in the 9th! Gotta keep it close! Oops single. Oops double. Oops they both scored. We’re dunzo.
The slow burn of this season is even worse than the 2007 shocker. Yes we had pitching problems all 2007 and it caught up to us, but at least we were winning for a while. The collapse was swift. That was a bullet to the head. This is Ramsay Bolton kinda shit. No hope. All torture. All injuries and garbage baseball. The train never even left the station.
We’re dunzo. Oh and when Yo is a National next year with a not-so-steep 5yr/125mil contract, I’m going to shoot the Jewpons.
MetsBlow 