Why Blame Jose?

“Dropped popup” in Spanish? “Mendoza line?”

Don’t blame Jose. He’s not a 3rd baseman, he’s a wifebeater–errr, shortstop. Blame the bullpen for letting the wheels fall off? Nah, they’ll be better once the wifebeater–errr, closer, returns. Hilarious extra innings final score, though. 

The dropped popup was bad but why were we in that position? We should’ve been up by 10. We obsess over highlights and lowlights and love microscopic spotlights. Bill Buckner. Did he fuck up? You bet. But the Sox had that game won. Don’t forget the 9th inning rally. Don’t forget Mookie’s dance. Don’t forget that the Sox built a roster for their racist town and could’ve been better from the get-go. 

I ain’t gonna scapegoat Jose. The wifebeating? Cultural! The lack of hitting? Cultural! The truth is that the Mets didn’t hit for shit against the PHILLIES and their last place staff. Jose is a part of that. Good thing Wright will be back soon! It hurt my back to laugh at that sentence. 

Alderson Hopeful Wright Plays 120+ Games

David Wright – artist rendering

Uhhhh, what the fuck are you talking about, Sandy? Did the booze get to you at the winter meetings? Or the pills? Or the hookers? 

The Nats signed Chris Sale.* They lost Melancon but he went to the Giants. I guess Bumgarner can’t pitch every inning. They’re making moves. I actually think our IF is okay, but we oughta get Trumbo. We should definitely get Chapman and Jansen. What, we’re not gonna get Chapman because he beat his wife? Familia’s gonna get suspended for the same fucking thing. 

Reyes can play 3rd. Our IF is okay, but Sandy, baby, you were doing well. We got Yo. Shut up about Wright. He’s dead. Hey, TDA blows/will get hurt so why not have Wright play catcher? He’ll be fine. 

*Update: Bahahah the Nats blew it. Got hoodwinked by the Sawx. Well, now they get to keep Giolito. Could be a blessing for ’em. Hopefully they’ll find another way to screw it up.** Meanwhile Yankees GM Cashman calls the Sawx the Warriors?! Uhhhh, wake up, fag. People call the Warriors the Yankees. Get a grip, motherfucker.

**Nats indeed found a way to screw it up. They dished Giolito (and more–a massive dump) for Eaton. Fine, bring on Eaton. Seems really dumb. It’s the rest of the division I’m worried about. Mainly just the Mets blowing is always the biggest concern.

Ugly Sweep

Keith has never said “jeez” so many times in one game. Pure basura. We should’ve won 10-0. Instead it’s a tight game and Fam is forced to close it out again. I wonder if he was tired and overworked last November when pitching to Alex Gordon? Hmmm…

To be fair, most of Keith’s grunting was aimed at the Reds. I’ve never seen a team quite so checked out. They were DOGGIN’ it out there. Not even sliding into 2nd on a steal? Yeeeesh. But that’s all the more reason we should’ve won 10-0.

I said this when the Mets first signed Reyes: 80% Reyes would be the best leadoff hitter we’ve had since Reyes bar none. Yup! He’s actually playing at about 75~80% of his former self and it’s beautiful. Dingers from both sides. Steals. Awesome. 

Who The Fuck Else?

Yo after his walkoff BOMB

I can’t believe it’s a “hot take” to scream and holler about paying Yo. Are you fucking kidding me, Jewpons? Do you not see Piazza jerseys everywhere? Do you not understand that competitive relevance and superstardom are your biggest moneymakers? Fuck you, you stupid Jews. Greedy Jews ain’t new but stupid Jews gives us a bad name you fucking retards.

Of course Yo did it. Who the fuck else would? Shoutout to Reyes for manufacturing the tying run in the 8th. Shoutout to Montero for returning from the dead and pitching 5 scoreless innings. In 2013, this guy had Harvey hype! And we haven’t even heard his name in over a year. Ahhh, Mets prospects. But hey, he came back from the dead. Impressive. Let’s see him do it again. 

Joseeee, Jose Jose Joseee!

How do you say, “keep your mouth shut, bitch” in Spanish?
Hey Jose, do you think you can take over the team lead in steals from David Wright? He has 3. Second on the team is Conforto with 2. Oh wait, he got demoted. Another good move. He’ll be back.

Professor Reyes has returned! “Professor Reyes” is the greatest jumbotron bit of all time with the possible exception of when they put two chicks up on the kiss cam. I’m pretty sure that’s how Pamela Anderson was discovered, but I digress.

I love this move, unless it means no Gourriel. We all know that a Dominican cannot be used as a substitute for a real Cuban.

Reyes is so HUNGRY and HAPPY to be back. That’s what I love about it. If he succeeds or fails, this is a good move because he is going to TRY HARD and that can go a looooong way. It’s the right place and right time to have a chance for a renaissance (a Reyessance?). Pray for his health. Odds favor digging his grave plot now. Put it side by side with David’s.

Attention Christian Nation: Enough with the “classless” talk! Enough with the “he’s evil” talk! You racist fucks! First of all, doesn’t Jesus say to forgive? Let he who is without sin beateth the first spouse. Now I know Mrs. Reyes dropping the charges means nothing because battered spouses are not necessarily thinking straight. I get that. And I think Reyes needs to do a walk of atonement. A stolen base of atonement would be nice, too. A batting tittle of atonement would be sick (sidenote: Murph’s gonna win that shit choooof). Reyes has been a standup guy his whole life. This one monstrous act is baffling and scary, but this is baseball and one strike doesn’t mean you’re out. Is he remorseful? What is he going to do to show penance? He served his suspension. He remains in therapy. Isn’t the rest between Jose, his wife, and his Gawd? How about this: If you’re so pious that you can’t watch Reyes–that Reyes being back in NY sickens you and you’re going to boo him (Jesus would do otherwise)–quit sports. Quit fandom. Shit’s pretty fucked up. I can’t argue with that, but you definitely have to turn off all sports.

I can’t fucking wait for the Jose chants. I really want Gourriel but I’m excited that the Mets are shaking things up. It feels good to know that my Reyes shirsey is relevant again. I’m excited to see Nimmo, too. Getting Reyes and sticking him 1st in the lineup feels good. It could be a spark. It’s worth a shot.

It’s Official: We’re Bad


Well, we didn’t get no-no’d!

deGrom must have the highest ERA in the history of 3-3 pitchers in June, right? Those runs shouldn’t even be earned. Plawecki doesn’t make that error (btw he made another error later), everything’s changed. Way to help your pitcher out, Kevin! KEVIN! WHAT DID YOU TO MY ROOM!? What did you do to my team!?

We’re bad. We’re so bad. Trade the farm and Wright for Arenado. Let him finish his career smoking weed with Reyes on the Denver bench.