Citi Perks = Mets Opening Up a Casino

Gambling! Casino! Gamble! Gamble! Drink! Tits! Tits! Gamble! Money! Mets! Tickets! Gamble! Gamble!! ...please gamble responsibly.
Gambling! Casino! Gamble! Gamble! Drink! Tits! Tits! Gamble! Money! Mets! Tickets! Gamble! Gamble!!
…please gamble responsibly.

So obviously the Mets moved their AAA team from Norfolk, VA (where David Wright and Michael Cuddyer grew up) to Las Vegas, NV because of gambling. That’s cool. I get it. You want your young, promising athletes to get used the bright lights, p-tutes, and losing all their money in some Mets-related fiasco.

But now, Shittifield and the Mets are straight up running a lottery scam. In a transparent move to sell more tickets, the Mets have started “Citi Perks.” Basically, Shittiperks means you buy tickets, and maybe you’ll win some kind of lottery. Some kid got to throw out the first pitch the other day, which is a cool perk. So is winning the lotto. It’s a great perk.

The lotto costs $1 and you can win millions. The odds are astronomically against you. The Shittiperks lotto, I imagine, is pretty stacked against you, but at least you get a ticket to see at least one Mets player get injured.

The worst part? The lackeys at Metsblog are pitching it hard: Mets fans certainly have a lot to be excited about when coming out to Citi Field these days, and now thanks to Citi, there are sure to be a few more surprises coming their way. 

Thanks, Metsblog. They are surely the bipartisan journalists that we need. Knowing the Jewpons, I can’t imagine they paid you that much to sell your journalistic integrity. I hope it was worth it, you fucking lackeys.

P.S. They should be taking bets on who gets injured next. The way Duda is raking, it’s likely him. Mets fans aren’t supposed to have such nice things.

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