The Mets leave ’em loaded like a couple of white trash brother-sister-parents huffing meth in their truck while their baby hangs out with his “new rattle.” I guess that means at least we get runners on base. It’s better than leaving ’em empty, which is what white trash cops do after they’ve left the black neighborhood. I’ve never seen such futility with the bases loaded. How is it that every year the Mets have a, “hey, they’d be awesome if not for this one historically bad category?” This year it’s BA with RISP but I remember when it was bullpen WHIP/ERA just a few years ago. It somehow always relates to us not knowing the fundies. It’s systemic all the way through the farm system, I suppose. It’s the Jew sickness.
I know we won some games against a “good” team on the “road,” but wow do we blow. And yes I put road in quotations because South Beach for guys like Reyes and Cespedes is home. So we blow. The Marlins blow, too. The whole league kinda blows, huh?
Derrrr, what should we do? Hire Wally Backman, mayhaps?
You wanna say we’re hurt? Too crowded? FULL! We’re full! Fuck all this shit. My diagnosis is bad babysitting. Bad baseball. Nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. Yo hurt. Harvey hurt. Wheeler dead. It doesn’t matter. We suck. The games are fucking terrible to watch. Colon let up a run in the 1st and the game was over. That’s all there is to it.
I don’t understand how you dumb shit bloggers and fans can possibly do the retarded things you do like “scoreboard watching” or making excuses or whatever shit you do. Do you know anything about baseball? Watch the fucking games. Look at the god damn batting averages. We had fucking James Loney batting cleanup yesterday. That’s retarded. We never stood a chance. And I like Loney, too. It’s not a knock on him. We’re behind the Marlins for fucks sake. Stop acting like you know what you’re talking about and stop making excuses. Fuck you, Matt Cerrone. Do you even watch the games? Mets blow.
Jesus Fam. Get it together, Grouch. You’re lucky we “have the Cubs’ number” because you had NO BUSINESS saving that game. Good thing they were hacking or you would’ve walked everybody.
Bless the infield. Reyes with the gun. Walker with the turn. Loney with the scoop. Flores/Wright, Murph, and Duda go 0 for 3 on the execution of the game-ending DP.
Bless Rivera. Everyone makes mistakes. But he’s earned his playing time. Everyone likes throwing with him.
Once again, we beat Arrieta. Sort of. I’ll take it. Whatever. Mets blow.
I knew all the “we have the Cubs’ number” talk was silly, but I really thought we had Lester. I was at the July 3rd schillacking. It was Cespedes sleeve day. I can’t believe he mowed us down. He’s a bum. We suck. We had opportunities. At least Conforto went oppo!
deGrom is deBest. We know this. It’s more than just the actual performances on the mound, including yesterday’s CG 1-hit shutout. It’s also the fact that he opted out of the ASG to rest up. It’s also the fact that he’s so cool, calm, and collected–and therefore respected. That’s not to say he lacks a joie de vivre–far from it–but it’s just that he’s focused. He’s deBest.
But fuck all this. My softball team went 3-0 this weekend and the Mets should’ve, too. Game 2 was atrocious. No situational hitting. It’s just pathetic. There are a lot of questions up in the air now. Here’s how they should be answered and here’s how the Mets will likely answer them.
1) Conforto back up/Nimmo down. They should play Conforto in RF when they can and help Cespedes heal his legs by keeping him in left and Lagares in center. Cespedes even openly stated he would prefer this. Terry will probably botch all of this and start de Aza.
2) The situational hitting is atrocious. Bunt drills. Sac fly drills. Drills drills drills. Come early. Stay late. The ’86 Mets never went home after a game. The team stayed to watch film and drill or hit the weight room. Everyone will go home. They’re not being paid enough to stay late and Terry’s a “players’ manager” but really he’s just a pushover.
3) As a result of being out and about a lot this weekend, I listened to a lot of Mets baseball on the radio. Josh Jewin should be shot, or at least fired…out of a cannon. He’s fucking dogshit. The Jewpons and the conservative monsters at 710 WOR will likely promote Jewin and fire Howie Rose. Rose was not present this weekend, leaving Wayne to fill in for him. Wayne might be even worse than Josh.
4) The Jewpons jewed out on Gourriel, who got signed by the Astros. It would be more odious and shocking if I wasn’t already so accustomed to their hard J ways. Nobody thought we’d get them. The part that pisses me off is when I see reports that the Mets were interested. Keep spinning it, PR team! We were toooootally interested.
Familia got the save.
Yeah we won but why is everyone so fucking happy? Cespedes is hurtin’. We’re making errors out there. We’re SUPPOSED to crush this team. Nice to see all-stars Colon and Fam lookin so sexy but jeeeeez, everyone (team & fanbase) is acting like we’re so great. It’s nice to come out of the break with a win but holy shit, keep your noses to the grindstone.
What? You want midseason grades or something? If you’re on the team*, and your name isn’t Yoenis, do better. If your name IS Yoenis, get healthy. The end.
*I suppose the pitching staff has done damn close to what was expected so far. Time to get tough, though.
P.S. This isn’t news but maaaan can Stanton hit the shit out of the ball. Well deserved derby chip. Praaaaaay for Yo.
Yo and the firing squad with a front row seat to the pain.
What’s the point without Yo? This game was over before it started. And without Gary, Keith, and Ron? God the FOX broadcasts are fucking brutal. Matz has to put up a GEM tomorrow. Give us some good vibes going into the break. Zeroes or bust. Without Cespedes, we reeeeeeaaaally blow.
Logan can’t cut it. We should get Ervin Santana or something. Get Gourriel you cheap fucking Jews!! He won’t cost a single player. Don’t you get that winning is what will make you the most money? Isn’t that so fucking obvious by now? We are lacking in personnel, plain and simple.
Strasburg that dumbo-eared freak! Outdueled the Norse God. Coming off the DL, he had a nono 6.2 deep and got pulled. Then, against us, until Cabrera’s big ass bomb in the 5th (the ball is flyyyying out…flew out on Thor, too), he didn’t let up a hit. That’s damn fine work.
We lost 2 all stars and Harvey in the same day. Lagares (in Yo’s spot) hit into a DP. Why didn’t Reyes run? That was kinda the game.
It’s a good time for rest. We usually go into the break hot and then have an ice cold second half. Good to go cold now and rest up. These aren’t the biggest games of all time. They matter. But a healthy Yo in the 2nd half matters a lot more. The team goes as he goes.
Hang on to your bathing suits. The summer wind is blowing waaaaay out.
A new Citi record for dingdongs? Wowzers. Murphy is obviously on steroids. Or maybe he just prays the best? He prays so good. When he boots the ball in the wildcard game against the Dodgers, we’ll quietly (loudly) tip our caps to Neil.
Babe Flores did it again. With Bryce Harper shushing the crowd and Murph screaming his fag-hating head off, Flores hit a go-ahead, three-run bomb to the 2nd deck off of Ollie Perez. Ollie Perez lolz. What the fuck is he doing on a supposedly good team? By the way Murph, you know Bryce Harper’s gay, right? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but we all know you do. The way he sassed the crowd? His hair? His Nattitude? Fucking GAAAAY.
Is Babe Flores a quntuple entendre? 1) He’s a babe. A stud. A fox. 2) Babe Ruth. 3) He’s still so young. 4) He has piggish nostrils. Still a fox, though. 5) He cried like a biiiitch when he got not-traded. Wee li’uhl bay-bee. You’re welcome, shitty writers of the world.
In the 9th, Murph–the steroid abusing, brain-farting, can’t field for shit stud that he is–got robbbbbbbed by Asdrubal. Great play. And then we finally got our piece of the Utley pie. That was a nice bonus.
Jose Reyes hit a dinger. He also got picked off? He stole and then unstole? What was that shit about? Get it together on the basepaths there, Jose.
I don’t mind that Collins left Colon** in. Harvey is dead with Jurassic Park syndrome. Out for season. RIP. Hopefully back for start of 2017 but we must stay focused. Wheeler’s return is delayed indefinitely. Bone spurs everywhere. Our pets heads are falling off! Let rubber arm Colon go. Why not? Colon not only knows how to pitch, but he also seemingly knows how to stay healthy. “How to Stay Healthy” by Big Sexy: 1) cultivate mass. 2) be in a radioactive explosion like Mr. Fantastic and come away with a rubber arm. Sexy Fantastic didn’t have it last night, but fortunately our bullpen doesn’t feature Ollie Perez. Or a guy that chokes MVPs in the dugout. Good job, Sandy!
Gutsy win. Gusty win, too, because the winds are bloooooooowing.
**Update: Sexy Fantastic is officially named to the All-Star Team! And it’s in San Diego, too. In case you need a reminder of what Tolo did in SD, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzLERV9l9Vs
MetsBlow 