Author: metsblow

Tejada avoids arbitration. Wanna know why?

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I know why, too. I really do. With Murph, Herrera, Tulo talk, and of course Flores “all up in tha middle,” why would the Mets keep Tejada?

This is why: Tejada’s walk-up music

*mic drop*

Shit gets all 300 fans in the stands JACKED UP!! I love it. It even sounds like the singer is saying “rubey ru tejada da.”

I noticed this song wasn’t featured on some lame blog’s “top 10 MLB player walk-up music” list, but that’s probably because they don’t think Tejada is a real MLB player. Shows what they know. He’ll probably be starting in May.

Jew Alert! Jew Alert! Mets players paying out of pocket for offseason workouts?!

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Adam Rubin (ESPN New York) and Mets’ strength coach Mike Barwis have apparently confirmed this.

When I read this, I honestly thought I was reading one of my own satire pieces here at Metsblow. I can’t believe it. Is this real? Where am I?

This really is the beauty of Metsblow. The articles write themselves. Thanks Jeffy! Keep doing you, you fucking Jew snake bastard.

Baseballblow: Minor Leagues to use pitch clocks

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This rule is preposterous for anyone other than Steve “The Human Rain Delay” Trachsel. It’s in the minors now, but it’ll be in the majors soon enough.

I’m disgusted. It is unreal propaganda. Absolute unequivocal billionare owner nonsense. They’re at the helm deflecting attention away from the hours and hours of commercials…we’ll be right back.

*SOMEBODY LEFT THE GATE OOOOOPPPEEENNN!!!*

…hours and hours of commercials and having their lackeys support the deferral. Anyone who complains about pitchers getting focused or batters stepping out of the box…we’ll be right back.

*Celino and Barnes! Industry Attorneys!*

…stepping out of the box needs is either some billionaire’s puppy dog or just needs to open their eyes and look beyond the media propaganda. Also, when batters start getting strikes tacked on or runners start getting to advance due to batter or pitcher delays, they’re gonna flip out! And the manager is gonna flip out! And as the manager comes out to argue the bullshit call, guess what!? We’ll be right back!

*Dial 7 dial 7 dial it 7 times! We’re pickin you up!*

*I have a hole in my throat from smoking. I can’t even play catch with my son. [Cue the horribly graphic imagery].*

P.S. Dana from the car dealership could get it. But why the fuck are you wearing a Yankee hat on SNY? Bad marketing. Bad advertising. It doesn’t matter because I’ll be looking at the back of the cap anyway.

David Wright is my fuckin boy

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But…

He claims to be pain free.
He claims the Mets will make the playoffs this year.

Pain free? Delusions of grandeur? Did they legalize pot in the MLB or something? (Doubtful, since MLB is usually about 50 years behind).

Playoffs?! Playoffs?!? We’re not even at .500 yet.

But D-Wright is my boy for life. I believe him, yo. I don’t know why but I do.

Lil Jeffy Wilpon (A father/son conversation)

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Fred: Hi lil Jeffy! What’re you playing with?

Jeffy: Choo Choo twain!

Fred: Oh wow, that looks fun. And what a beautiful landscape it’s on. But it’s not moving…

Jeffy: My twain! My twain!

Fred: You have it placed backwards on the tracks. It can’t move if you have it backwards. *Fred leans in to turn the train around on the tracks.*

Jeffy: No! My twain!! *Jeffy grabs the toy train and clutches it tightly*

Fred: Actually, son, I bought you this train set, so technically…

Jeffy: MY TWAIN!!! *Jeffy takes toy train and smashes it repeatedly into a mountain.*

Sound familiar?

Get your tickets?

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Mets.com just emailed me to let me know the home opener is 3 months away…

Oh the audacity. Oh the rape culture of it all. They’re just casually reminding me to return to the frat house for more sin. And I have to pay? They should be paying us to fill the fucking seats.

I watch every game. From my couch. With my hdtv. On cable. That’s enough $ shelled out to their scam. I’ll pay for a ticket when you pay for a fucking baseball team.

Mets could have had Desmond

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The Mets balked out of a trade that involved:

-Desmond to Mets
-Zobrist/Escobar to Nats
-Syndergaard + ?? to Rays

So obviously it comes down to the unnamed player. If it was deGrom, then I understand not pulling the trigger. Jacob is not to be traded. But what if it was Montero? Or Matz? I think this is just the cheap fuck Wilpons clinging to their measly penny-costing prospects.

“Why would we want a guy who hits 20 dingers and 90 RBIs when we can have a minor leaguer instead?” -Alderson

Hot take: Flores’ Defense a concern

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Over at Metsblog, the wizards have compiled a real fresh take: Flores’ defense is a concern.

Whoa! Helluva report to make in January, 2015. Hard-hitting stuff. So fresh. My hair blew back from that one.

Metsblog also reported today that Jose Reyes is fast and that Tom Seaver’s pitching was an asset to the team.

Weird Baseball Fact: Teams make moves in the offseason

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So the Athletics might get Zobrist…

Hey fellow Mets fans, isn’t it crazy how teams make moves in the offseason to become better at baseball?

It’s as if the offseason was some kind of factor in the season. It’s like there’s some kind of competition about to happen.

So weird that teams make moves. So weird… #fuckthewilpons

Mets fan raises $5K to buy “sell the team” banners

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I don’t love it. Why not use that $5K to hire a hitman instead?

Btw, I Looooove how lapdog Matt Cerrone says, “a portion of the fanbase dislikes the owners.” You fucking tool. By portion, do you mean 100%? You like the owners because they pay you and give you good-doggie-treats.