Braves 5, Mets 3 (F/11)
Familia better have had a cute fucking kid…
WILMER!!!! Simmons turns that DP every fucking time. The fundies!!! Gaaaahhh.
We need Blevins for Freeman. And we need Mejia back, too.
deGrom is counting the days till free agency.
[Preblow bonus] Gee is auditioning for the league, today. Like every other starter, he wants the FUCK out.
Mets 5, Braves 3
The Mets beat the red skinned maize-munchers and I’m shocked. The Braves–for my lifetime–have been the second scariest team (behind the Junkies). They’re auto-losses in my book. But last night we had a nice clean game. Big Sexy had the sex, Flores looked like Tulo, and even our bench players (Mayberry) contributed. Shit, even Soup had an RBI groundout. Boy, it’s a good thing we let Justin “Giantsbane” Turner walk, huh! He’s only the CLEANUP hitter for the run-smacking Dodgers now.
We looked good, what can I say? We could really use Blevins to face Freeman, but otherwise we looked good…for 1 game…
Preblow: A real duel. deGrom vs Miller. They’re both in Cy Young contention at this point in the season. Very exciting. We’re fucked. We’ve got to continue to play OUR game, like last night. It all stems from dominant pitching. CGSO or bust should be written on Dan Warthen’s eyelids.
The Mets host the featherheads dirt worshippers blanket-asses buffalo lovers eskimos redskins injuns maize-munchers savages squantos tomahawk-chuckers Braves for 3 games this weekend. The Mets are in 1st, but the Nats are 0.5 behind and the Braves are 2.5 behind.
Big Sexy takes the hill tonight against Alex Wood. Wood got ejected his last start, so this should be a good opportunity for him to bounce back.
They say Murph will be back any day. Meanwhile, Blevins is DEEEAD and Plawecki is DIIIIZZY and Tejada is a DAAADDYY. Herrera is back, though, and they (non-Mets scouts included) say he’ll be an all-star someday. It should be fun watching him grow up, get hurt, go to another team, and become said all-star.
Expect to see Parnell in this series. His 12+ ERA in the minors bodes well!
Mets 5, Giants 4
The sycophantic Mets blogs will tell you to celebrate the walk-off win. They’ll tell you that we’re in 1st place. CEEELLLLEEEBBRRRAAATTEE GOOD TIMES, C’MON!!
I have things to point out:
1) The Nats are ALSO doodoo. NL Least for sure.
2) The Giants are NOT. They’re damn good. They made two mistakes all series. They were both in the 9th inning last night. An HBP and a PB. It cost them the sweep. Their fundies should be lauded for the most part.
3) How many times has Campbell or Flores or Murph made a ground ball error with Niese on the mound followed by a dinger? It happened last night. It’s happened before and will happen again. Fundies! Composure! We have neither.
4) The takeaway of the game: Duda got the IBB in the 9th and Cuddy made them pay. Biggest thing ever. 2006 Mets: Wright had Delgado and Beltran and Floyd around him…not to mention Reyes leading off. Wright and Duda haven’t been healthy at the same time yet in Mets history. If d’Arnaud and Cuddy can provide Duda with protection, he’ll rock it.
5) The Mets are 25-4 when scoring 4+ runs. Taken in the context of our record (32-29), this is perhaps the most ridiculous stat I have ever seen. It means, essentially, that we should be a 110 win team.
6) Plawecki is still dizzy as fuck.
He’s lookin’ good, folks!
Tonight we’ll see Lincecum–who has found it again–battle Niese. Hmmm, I wonder who the polls are predicting to win this one…
All aboard the Sweep Express, CHOO CHOOOO. *Note: Jeff Wilpon will not be on the train, as he does not associate with the poors.
My war room [thank you war room!] has given me these numbers: Since our 11 game win streak, we have won 4 series (what’s the plural of series? Serieseseses?), split 2 series, and now have lost 8.
That win streak was in the long, LONG ago. This season has been dreadful. Fuck it. Bring up Conforto. Do something because we are fucking TERRIBLE.
The Mets have not activated Bobby Parnell because, “there’s something to occur in the next few days,” according to Collins.
Sycophantic Metsblog is exploding with trade hype.
Remember last year when this happened? Jeff Wilpon announced a presser, stepped up the mic, and said, “ladies and gentlemen…we have acquired…BOYS II MEEEENNNNN!!!!”
That actually happened. Jeff Wilpon is actually that tone deaf to his fan base. Don’t get me wrong, Boys II Men are definitely NOT tone deaf. They are soulful and cool, but Jeff legitimately thought the fanbase would be appeased by that press conference. He went back to the war room his playroom scratching his head wondering why the fanbase for a team that scores less than 3 runs/game wasn’t satisfied with his great announcement.
So what will it be this time? Will the Mets get Ryan Braun for Thor, Niese, and Montero in a blow-it-up deal? Not a fucking chance. It’s more likely that we’ll be trading George Costanza for Tyler Chicken. We’ll end up trading someone like Gee for Aramis Ramirez, which would be a terrible trade because Ramirez is garbage and the only running he’s doing is to retirement. But hey, not like we need a 3rd baseman, Wright will be back by May 15th! (*another Pinocchio picture could be placed here*)
Don’t get worked up, Metsblowers. This trade hype is doodoo. It’s all doodoo. Remember when the Mets traded Nolan Ryan away? Har har fucking har. We’re not so hot at trades.
We here at Metsblow have the best War Room money can’t buy. I am greatly appreciative for all the stats and insight that is provided to me through my war room. Today, this was brought to my attention:
Since Jose Reyes was let go, he has played in 430 games. D-Wright has played in 410.
When asked to comment on this, Jeff Wilpon said, “So you’re saying we should’ve let BOTH walk? I understand.” Nice one, Jeffy, you jew fuck asshole.
It’s funny how Jewness is such a debilitating disease. The short-sighted cheapness actually creates much larger money problems down the road. It’s like saying, “Oh, I don’t want to spend $500 on a lawyer, so I’ll just handle the case myself,” only to end up having the judge declare against you, and you lose hundreds of thousands as a result of your penny pinching.
Alderson and the rest of ’em will continue to play wait-and-see with Wright. They will continue to pinch the pennies. They will continue to be the Mets.
“Let’s see if Soup and Recker can get it going before making any rash decisions. No need to panic. Wright will be back by May 15th. And there’s no way any of our other key pieces–like Daniel Murphy or Juan Lagares–will get hurt. And besides, we’ve got Herrera and Kirk to sub in if we need them to.” -Sandy Alderson on May 10th.
P.S. We’ll see Reyes (and The Dickpiece) next week. We should be comfortably in 3rd place by then.
Giants 8, Mets 5
Dang, Harvey sucks, huh? He sucks almost as much as our baserunning, which cost us about 3 runs yesterday.
Harvey has off-season lag. I’m not too worried about it. He didn’t pitch for 12 months. It’s natural. I’m MUUUUUCH more concerned with the O. We have the worst O I’ve ever seen ever ever ever ever…since last year’s team. Yesterday, Campbell stranded a runner on 3rd in back to back innings. Maybe the “trade hype” for Aramis Ramirez will pull through. Nah, let’s hold out. After all, David Wright will be back by May 15th.
But seriously, c’mon Harvey. 0-2 cheese to Posey are you fucking kidding? Keith really got him for this one. Stop trying to out-BARK and out-BITE everyone. Get smart, Matt! That was the turning point of the game. Inexcusable.
Sideblow: Joe West is sooooo bad. The new replay initiatives show that he is maybe actually blind.
Giants 5, Mets 0…and 0 hits as well.
It’s only 1 game. We’re still in 1st place! Hahahaha. No big deal. I’m surprised that studs like Recker, Soupman, and Money Muno weren’t able to get hits.
At least it was Bumgarner and not some doodoo rookie scrub, right? RIIIIGHT?
Pagan had an RBI. Hahahahaha. Good thing we got rid of him for Andres Torres.
The Mets are dead last in turning double plays. THE FUNDIES!!
Plawecki was once again out with the dizzies. Hello, HELLOOOOO, may I please go vertigo? Well, with the stud Anthony Recker on the squad, it’s no big deal! TDA returns today so send down Plawecki because he needs his reps! Some drunken roulette spins in Vegas should stave off the dizziness.
[PREBLOW] Matt Harvey vs Tim Hudson tonight. CGSO or bust, Matt! You know it! We know it! Everyone in Metsblownation fucking knows it. Good fucking luck getting a W with this team. Enjoy your Yankee pinstripes in 3 years. God fucking dammit.
…
And a few additional blows for ya:
1) In the bottom of the 9th, all 3 outs (Muno, Grandy, Ruben) were backwards Ks. Metsblow.
2) Pitching in relief for the first time this year, Dillon Gee, perhaps out of spite, let up a dinger to the first batter he faced.
3) It’s uhhh…only…uhhh…one game. Oh wait, the Mets are 13-17 in their last 30 games? It’s uhh…only 30 games…
Ready for the draft? WOOOOOOT!
Maverick made some maverick moves, huh! Good thing we have Cuddyer. We don’t need a farm system! It’s not like the Astros went from awful to great because of their farm system! Fuck the farm! Make it a slaughterhouse!
In all seriousness, and with great trepidation, I must say that Cuddy has been finding his legs in NY. He’s been an above average player for the past few weeks. Keep trending up, and the whole thing might actually be worth it. The jury is still out.
MetsBlow 