Let Me Quelch the Trade Hype

He needs a Mets hat...I'd photoshop it but that'd be more work than the Mets' front office has done all year.
He needs a Mets hat…I’d photoshop it but that’d be more work than the Mets’ front office has done all year.

The Mets have not activated Bobby Parnell because, “there’s something to occur in the next few days,” according to Collins.

Sycophantic Metsblog is exploding with trade hype.

Remember last year when this happened? Jeff Wilpon announced a presser, stepped up the mic, and said, “ladies and gentlemen…we have acquired…BOYS II MEEEENNNNN!!!!”

They ALSO need Mets hats.
They ALSO need Mets hats.

That actually happened. Jeff Wilpon is actually that tone deaf to his fan base. Don’t get me wrong, Boys II Men are definitely NOT tone deaf. They are soulful and cool, but Jeff legitimately thought the fanbase would be appeased by that press conference. He went back to the war room his playroom scratching his head wondering why the fanbase for a team that scores less than 3 runs/game wasn’t satisfied with his great announcement.

So what will it be this time? Will the Mets get Ryan Braun for Thor, Niese, and Montero in a blow-it-up deal? Not a fucking chance. It’s more likely that we’ll be trading George Costanza for Tyler Chicken. We’ll end up trading someone like Gee for Aramis Ramirez, which would be a terrible trade because Ramirez is garbage and the only running he’s doing is to retirement. But hey, not like we need a 3rd baseman, Wright will be back by May 15th! (*another Pinocchio picture could be placed here*)

Don’t get worked up, Metsblowers. This trade hype is doodoo. It’s all doodoo. Remember when the Mets traded Nolan Ryan away? Har har fucking har. We’re not so hot at trades.

We here at Metsblow have the best War Room money can’t buy. I am greatly appreciative for all the stats and insight that is provided to me through my war room. Today, this was brought to my attention:

Since Jose Reyes was let go, he has played in 430 games. D-Wright has played in 410.

When asked to comment on this, Jeff Wilpon said, “So you’re saying we should’ve let BOTH walk? I understand.” Nice one, Jeffy, you jew fuck asshole.

It’s funny how Jewness is such a debilitating disease. The short-sighted cheapness actually creates much larger money problems down the road. It’s like saying, “Oh, I don’t want to spend $500 on a lawyer, so I’ll just handle the case myself,” only to end up having the judge declare against you, and you lose hundreds of thousands as a result of your penny pinching.

Alderson and the rest of ’em will continue to play wait-and-see with Wright. They will continue to pinch the pennies. They will continue to be the Mets.

“Let’s see if Soup and Recker can get it going before making any rash decisions. No need to panic. Wright will be back by May 15th. And there’s no way any of our other key pieces–like Daniel Murphy or Juan Lagares–will get hurt. And besides, we’ve got Herrera and Kirk to sub in if we need them to.” -Sandy Alderson on May 10th.

P.S. We’ll see Reyes (and The Dickpiece) next week. We should be comfortably in 3rd place by then.

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