Adam Rubin (ESPN New York) and Mets’ strength coach Mike Barwis have apparently confirmed this.
When I read this, I honestly thought I was reading one of my own satire pieces here at Metsblow. I can’t believe it. Is this real? Where am I?
This really is the beauty of Metsblow. The articles write themselves. Thanks Jeffy! Keep doing you, you fucking Jew snake bastard.
But…
He claims to be pain free.
He claims the Mets will make the playoffs this year.
Pain free? Delusions of grandeur? Did they legalize pot in the MLB or something? (Doubtful, since MLB is usually about 50 years behind).
Playoffs?! Playoffs?!? We’re not even at .500 yet.
But D-Wright is my boy for life. I believe him, yo. I don’t know why but I do.
Fred: Hi lil Jeffy! What’re you playing with?
Jeffy: Choo Choo twain!
Fred: Oh wow, that looks fun. And what a beautiful landscape it’s on. But it’s not moving…
Jeffy: My twain! My twain!
Fred: You have it placed backwards on the tracks. It can’t move if you have it backwards. *Fred leans in to turn the train around on the tracks.*
Jeffy: No! My twain!! *Jeffy grabs the toy train and clutches it tightly*
Fred: Actually, son, I bought you this train set, so technically…
Jeffy: MY TWAIN!!! *Jeffy takes toy train and smashes it repeatedly into a mountain.*
Sound familiar?
Mets.com just emailed me to let me know the home opener is 3 months away…
Oh the audacity. Oh the rape culture of it all. They’re just casually reminding me to return to the frat house for more sin. And I have to pay? They should be paying us to fill the fucking seats.
I watch every game. From my couch. With my hdtv. On cable. That’s enough $ shelled out to their scam. I’ll pay for a ticket when you pay for a fucking baseball team.
The Mets balked out of a trade that involved:
-Desmond to Mets
-Zobrist/Escobar to Nats
-Syndergaard + ?? to Rays
So obviously it comes down to the unnamed player. If it was deGrom, then I understand not pulling the trigger. Jacob is not to be traded. But what if it was Montero? Or Matz? I think this is just the cheap fuck Wilpons clinging to their measly penny-costing prospects.
“Why would we want a guy who hits 20 dingers and 90 RBIs when we can have a minor leaguer instead?” -Alderson
Over at Metsblog, the wizards have compiled a real fresh take: Flores’ defense is a concern.
Whoa! Helluva report to make in January, 2015. Hard-hitting stuff. So fresh. My hair blew back from that one.
Metsblog also reported today that Jose Reyes is fast and that Tom Seaver’s pitching was an asset to the team.
So the Athletics might get Zobrist…
Hey fellow Mets fans, isn’t it crazy how teams make moves in the offseason to become better at baseball?
It’s as if the offseason was some kind of factor in the season. It’s like there’s some kind of competition about to happen.
So weird that teams make moves. So weird… #fuckthewilpons
I don’t love it. Why not use that $5K to hire a hitman instead?
Btw, I Looooove how lapdog Matt Cerrone says, “a portion of the fanbase dislikes the owners.” You fucking tool. By portion, do you mean 100%? You like the owners because they pay you and give you good-doggie-treats.
The Wilpons are cooking up huge things. Alderson, wearing sunglasses, said, “if you thought Huey Lewis was a big move, wait’ll you see who we book this year.”
Unfortunately, to see a show, you’ll have to sit through a Mets game first.
P.S. Huey Lewis didn’t even play “Hip to be Square.” It must’ve been out of the Wilpons’ budget.
The paid lackeys over at Metsblog and in the baseball blogosphere will tell you:
-Castro unavailable
-Tulo unavailable
-Flores will rake
-Everyone wanted deGrom, Wheeler, and/or Thor
-bullshit bullshit bullshit
The truth is:
The Wilpons are cheap Jew snakes that don’t care about winning. The end.
Here’s to hoping that Flores rakes (aka hits .250 thereby making him the 2nd best hitter on the team).
MetsBlow 