mets

Against Kershaw, What Can Ya Do?

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Mets put up a goose egg agsinst Kershaw.

3 hits, no runs, complete game…any other pitcher and I’d be barkin’ at the Mets but whatever. This one had the L penciled in as soon as the probable starters were announced. And that’s not a knock on Tolo.

Truth be told, I think you gotta sit Grandy and stick Conforto in right. Because come playoff time, or even stretch time, Conforto needs to be in this lineup every day. I know MadBum owned him and even maybe caused a slump but so what? If you’re obsessed with starting Juanny Beisbol against lefties, that’s fine and I’m not mad at it, but Yung Savior needs to be out there every day. 

We didn’t hit a home run last night (obviously), but now we head to Colorado. I’m very excited to see our bats do work out there. 

Thor, Gawd of Thunda!!

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2 dingers! Thor had this to say: “Tonight was a direct result of Bartolo inspiring me to be a better man. #histrotwasbetter”

Gotta love the camaraderie and competition. Thor also let up 2 dingers but pitched a gem, otherwise. Very efficient but shitty hook Terry pulled him, anyway.

He was pulled after 8 for Fam in the 9th. That’s oooooookay, I guess. 

Other notes:

-Familia loves winning by 1 run. What’s up with that?

-Scrub ass Blanton has our number.

-AGon has the most stereotypical Carlos Mencia Mexican walk-up music.

-Campbell up with bases loaded?! We’re not a complete team end of story. 

Tonight: Colon v Kershaw! Ace v Ace! 

Meet the Fucking Matz

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Other than the dinger to Klay Thompson’s brother, Matz was beautiful. He even got an RBI (our pitchers are finally getting in on the action). Matz is a lefty. Sky’s the limit for him. Horses, baby! Horses!

Terry made a bad move with two on and two out. He should’ve brought in Conforto to face the righty. He didn’t. Juan struck out on 3 pitches and then made an error in the field. You can’t predict the error (first time ever that I’ve seen Juanny Beisbol miss an easy one), but Conforto should’ve pinch hit. End of story. 

The ghost of Daniel Murphy was on the basepaths for us. Name the ridiculous ways to get thrown out at 2nd base. The Mets did almost all of them in one game. 

This time, Bastardo got bailed out by Henderson. Bastardo looked okay, I thought, but is wild and got squeezed. The officiating was horrendous in this game. Grandy got rung up on a 3-2 pitch a foot high and away. Is the umping always this bad and anti-Mets? I mean it’s not like the umps would cheat to help the Dodgers win by putting Utley on 2nd base or anything, right? Wait. 

Neil Walker has minor deadness but is supposedly back tonight.

TDA has major deadness and we may never see his light again. 

Happy Moms’ Day, You Bastard!

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Bahstid!

Wow, what a day for bastards. Jon Snow’s alive again and Bastardo’s saving the day for the Mets.

Will Reed and the rest of the Mook Mets ever learn what to do on 0-2 pitches?!

This road trip is insane. No days off?! Back to back 4 game serieses? Sheesh. 

We’re definitely not an A++ team. We don’t run well enough. We don’t manufacture runs. But with Cespedes cleaning up in our long, powerful lineup, elite pitching, and seemingly delightful team chemistry (they love competing with each other), we are indeed contenders. 1st place. 

The Mets Are Juiced Up

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Big Bart hit one off of Big Game James.

Yes, Tolo hit a dinger. Replays for days. A testament to his work ethic. That’s the REAL secret stuff.

Yes, the Mets won. They hit a bunch of dingers (La Potencia, Big Sexy, Captain America, Young Savior). 2 came in the 9th. Colon gets the W. Fam gets the S. 

So many fucking dingers! It’s fun! 

Mets Still Snoozin’

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I was wrong when I said the Mets’ late inning almost-comeback meant they were going to shake the jet lag. Sue me. Wrong once. Whatever. Fuck you. I didn’t realize they were facing a lefty tonight. I didn’t check the probables because I knew Thor was going and I penciled in a W.

Thor was prettay, prettay good. Im impressed with how quickly he’s fixing his slow delivery. I’m not gonna address that, really. We got shutout. That’s pathetic. What the fuck was Teufel thinking sending Dru on that Flores double? It actually WORKED, though. The Mets pulled a Royals aka a Kit Keller and said, “I’m running when it’s retarded to run but I don’t think you’ll make the play.” And guess what–Norris (Padres C) dropped the ball! The ump, being the retard that he is, called Dru out before seeing that Norris dropped the ball. For some reason, he didn’t change the call when the ball was clearly loose. Aaaaand for some reason, Dru never touched home plate. Touch the fucking base, holmes. Had he, I think the call gets overturned. But knowing the retarded umps at base camp, that’s hard to say. So congrats to everyone involved in that play. You are all special. 

I actually do know what Tim Teufel was thinking there. He knew Rivera and then Thor (even though it would’ve been a PH) were coming up. Pray for TDA. When he’s healthy, the lineup has no holes. 

Jet Laaaaaag

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Well, I called it. The Mets (other than Grandy) looked like absolute shit. Dog tired and spaced out.

However, there’s good news, as it only lasted them about 7 innings or so. They weren’t no-hit, or even shutout by the end of it. I think they shook it off too little too late for that game, but in time for tonight. 

San Diego also has some kind of Mets kryptonite, huh? We have the worst record of any team in Petco, and let’s not forget what SD did to us last season in that fateful thunderstorm. 

Sidenote: Ron Darling once struck out Tony Gwynn 3 times in 1 game. Now THAT’s kryptonite.

Other sidenote: Apparently Tony Gwynn, despite being an incredible athlete, was not a natural in the outfield. He trained countless hours at it and rose from what the scouts called “sub par D” to a gold glove winner. Now that is some inspiring shit. Alright, time to move 3 feet from my computer to my TV to watch this game. That should cover my exercise for the day. 

Mets Lock Down Last Game of Homestand; Shitty Late-Night Road Trip Starts Today

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Nobody’s staying up for these games.

Mets win Mets win sweet homestand Braves blow Harvey blows dingers dingers dingers. Whatever. Braves are terrible. Good for us for looking good.

Now for an 11 game west coast road trip. That’s a mouthful, like the title of this article. I’ll be staying up but I don’t have a job. I don’t even think most die hards watch these games. Keith–who hated doing these cold May games–wouldn’t be caught dead at these games. He’s got the whole trip off. 

Next time someone argues against the modern athlete, and you don’t feel like using the usual “steroids were pushed by the league and legal and a sign of the times and everybody did them so the playing field was even” argument, give them this: When the FUCK did athletes start having to play in NYC one night, and then in San Diego the next night? That’s gotta give a little asterisk to the stats. Wah wah wah those poor athletes on their private planes, right? Eh, you try it. I can’t breathe or hear or walk straight for 3 days after a flight like that, let alone crush dingers. 

What’s Wrong With Harvey?

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sadbatman

What’s wrong with Matt Harvey? I’ll tell you what’s fucking wrong. We scored ZERO runs!! How about that for a fucking stat? Everybody’s all up on him. Yeah letting up someone’s first career homer is bad. Yeah letting up 3 in 5.2 against a dogshit offense is bad. Yeah I’m worried about his trajectory. But hold the fucking phone, we got ONE FUCKING HIT. Uhhh, yeah I’m not a math guru but I’m pretty sure that if you score zero runs, even MadBum ain’t gonna get the W. Derrrrrp.

Win the series. That’s all that matters. 2 out of 3 at home against the Braves. Good enough.

Division Blow: Papelbon aka Captain Chokeslam let up 3 runs against the Royals and blew it hard. What a mook. I can’t believe he’s still on the Nats. They’re so dumb.